This was one of my most popular posts last year, and I’m filled with nervous excitement to list a few things that I’m afraid to tell you again. I am challenging myself to be vulnerable!
// I am constantly worried that my income stream is going to end.
This blog – and, naturally, you guys – have been so, so good to me. I am honestly quite shocked it is all still going! I have always imagined that a career as a blogger would look like a bell curve: climbing slowly year after year, peaking, and then declining slowly over time until the income stream dries up. For me, each year has been better than my last (financially speaking) and 2017 was amazing, my best year to date. But every January when budgets reset, I’m afraid and have a mild panic attack and wonder: “Will this be my first year on the downside?”
Six years ago, blog income was nearly all ad based. These days it’s about 20% ads and 80% sponsored/everything else. This is good because the potential to earn is higher, but it’s also much less predictable. Sometimes I create hypothetical budget spreadsheets to simulate what we would do if my income shrinks or if I gave up blogging altogether. Thankfully, we are a two-income household, and because I’m a planner, I have a good idea of changes we will make if that happens.
When I think about the fact that I have 20+ years until retirement (and that most people make their best money later in life), I wonder if this blog really will carry me through. I am someone who wants to work, so I can’t imagine myself not picking up a later-in-life career. I really have no idea what field I would jump into. I can see myself going full force into dietetics, creating some kind of social media/blog-related consulting job (such as blogging for a corporate company or helping businesses get going), or even working for Thomas’s company (I would love to crunch his numbers all day 🙂 ). I really wish I had a crystal ball to know what is going to happen! Hopefully KERF will last forever.
// Sometimes I eat fast food
I remember way back when I was blogging about my meals all the time people would ask me: “Are you ever tempted to just swing through a fast food place and eat a bunch of fries?” My answer was honest when I responded that fast food was not a temptation for me. Before becoming a mom, I was a lot pickier about food because I could be. My parents say that motherhood has mellowed me out, and it has. I choose my battles, and I just don’t really care to make food one of them.
So, when we’re on car trips, I get outnumbered by my parents and Mazen begging for a kids meal and we have ended up eating at fast food spots. And you know what? It’s been kind of fun (in that junky, french fry kind of way.) Twice have I taken Mazen to Chick-fil-A here in Cville. We have a brand new store, and honestly it doesn’t feel yucky at all. It’s clean with beautiful modern decor, and Mazen loves getting a kids meal. One time I got a Southwestern salad that was actually really good! Another time on a car trip I had a Bojangles ham biscuit that was amazing. We are definitely not making fast food a regular routine of ours, but considering I didn’t set foot in one for years, I am mellowing on that a bit.
// I had a miscarriage and don’t know how to write about it
Much to our surprise, we got pregnant on the first try. We were both shocked and so excited. I bought a book full of dad quotes, and with shaking hands, I presented it to Thomas after work. He ran around the room leaping with excitement. But I started having spotting early on, and then had a heavier bleeding scare that sent me to the doctor for blood work that showed my hCG levels were on the decline. We knew we were losing the baby, and about a week later I had a very heavy period. So much joy followed by so much sadness. That’s the short story.
Every time I’ve sat down to write about having a miscarriage I am a bag of mixed emotions. On the one hand, we were pregnant and we lost a teeny baby that we had created together. I felt all the sadness one would expect comes with dreaming about having a baby and then finding out that hope has ended. On the other hand, I was “only” a few weeks along, and we had warning signs, so we were mentally prepared the whole time. I never really had the opportunity to get that excited. I have friends who have had miscarriages at 10, 11, 12 weeks and beyond and know people who have lost babies in later trimesters (my mom being one) and at birth. I have blogger friends who have written beautiful posts about their losses. Every time I tried to write about mine, I felt embarrassed for both my lack of poetic writing and that I hadn’t had to endure the level of pain they had, both physically and emotionally, being so much farther along.
I wanted to share my miscarriage with you all because it is part of my life story, but I also knew the best way for me to share it would be short and sweet. We are ultimately thankful that we were able to conceive together so quickly and are hopeful that it will happen again soon. <3
Amanda says
These posts are so fascinating and refreshing!
I’m so sorry about your loss, and you’ve (succinctly) hit the nail on the head with the mixed emotions.
Erin m. says
I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, Kath. I don’t have children and cannot imagine the sadness that comes with that loss.
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
Kath, thank you for opening up in this post, it’s so brave of you. I can tell you the first two points apply for me too – I eat fast food more often than not! And I’m very sorry about the miscarriage – but stay hopeful. Things will get better. Wish you all the best! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Heather R says
Thank you for being so open and honest with us…something you don’t have to do. I look forward everyday to coming to “see” you. Sending all my love to you for your loss. xoxo
Julie Rosene says
Thank you for sharing this Kath. <3
I do hope you are able to blog for many more years. I will keep reading! Hope you have a good Easter weekend.
Liz says
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage 🙁 I think it can be so hard, especially in this day and age where social media and the internet give us much deeper glimpses into other people’s personal lives, to not compare our story to others. I’ve not had a miscarriage myself, but we had fertility struggles that felt so hard at the time. Yet, when I compared our journey with friends and family who also had struggles, it didn’t seem as significant. It must have been devastating to lose something that you were both so hopeful for. Sending lots of sticky baby dust your way!
Emily @ Always Emily H. says
My heart goes out to you and Thomas. My husband and I experienced a miscarriage after 18 months of trying and it is truly heartbreaking. Sending my love and well wishes!
Jen says
Big hugs, Kath. That loss is painful, no matter which way it happens.
Totally with you on the income! I’m a small business owner and it can definitely be scary.
Natalie says
Hi Kath! Long time reader, but I’ve never really commented before. I just had to tell you how sorry I was to read of your miscarriage. Never feel embarassed to talk about the pain of miscarriage because it is a loss that we feel in our soul regardless of how early it was. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in between my two girls. I had similar symptoms and they ordered an ultrasound to rule out ectopic. We saw the little bean heartbeat and all, and then a week later we lost it. It was heartbreaking and I still think of that little one. Loss is loss and you have to grieve it in your own way. Thank you for sharing such a personal time with us.
Anna says
I’m sorry to hear the sad part of this post, but it was absolutely refreshing to read. These are the types of posts that will keep your blog intact for years to come! (I.e., honest, heartfelt, and touches on what people are genuinely curious about with respect to bloggers they follow). I read another healthy living blog where several years ago the blogger showed a picture of what was very clearly a fast food egg mcmuffin (out of the wrapper – in all of its rubbery, cheesy glory) but mentioned nothing of the fact that it was from a fast food place. Just “egg sandwich for breakfast!” Mentioning fast food is realistic and relatable for the vast majority of your readers, I can only assume 🙂 Keep up the good work!
Anna says
mmmm… cheese paper!
Kimberly says
So sorry for your loss. Just because other people had worse experiences doesn’t mean yours isn’t still painful and heartbreaking.
Mom says
My eyes welled up when I read of the book and Thomas leaping about the room.Hopefully, he’ll be leaping soon again. I so appreciate how good he is to Maze.
Erin says
A great step-parent is a definite treasure. <3 And step-parenting ain't easy! My oldest stepdaughter graduates from high school next month!!!
Jackie says
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I too have suffered one and have so many dear friends that yearn for a sweet baby. Thank you for your courage to write about it. It is far too common unfortunately, and society makes it taboo to discuss. For me, the discussion and reading about others in my shoes is what helped to get me through. Keep your family and friends close during this tough time and stay positive. Your rainbow baby will follow just in time 🙂
Mom says
Oh and I’ll never forget how adorable Maze was on his first trip into McDonald’s. He was pleased as punch!
Martha says
I am sorry about your miscarriage. I had two last year and am still mourning the losses. It is hard and allow yourself to do what you need to do to heal.
jen says
I was saddened to read about your miscarriage and hope that you give yourself FULL PERMISSION to feel however it is you feel about it with no comparison. Sending you lots of love and prayers for continued success with blogging and that you and Thomas are able to grow your family soon. xxoo
Linda @ the Fitty says
I feel so much closer to you when you share these vulnerabilities with us, Kathy! My condolences on the miscarriage, you have an angel up in heaven:-) also, never hesitate to go back to Academia if there was something that you wanted to learn about! you’re a bright person, and so many skill sets that you can use from blogging if you choose not to continue your income from this blog for the next 20 years.
Jessica says
I’m sorry to hear that you and Thomas lost your baby. It’s such a difficult experience and many of us don’t want to talk about it, but it’s so common that I wish more people would talk about it. Then we would know how frequently it happens and we could share our pain and our confusion and our joy – brief as it was. I hope you won’t worry too much about not expressing yourself poetically. You put your thoughts down about a very difficult subject. And please try not to compare your loss to someone else’s loss – each one is unique and sad in its own way and deserves the grieving that you need to do. Take care of yourself, and hug that sweet little boy you already have a little closer today.
Susan says
Thank you for finding the courage to be open with your readers. It can’t be easy!
I think you need time to grieve and process a loss no matter how far along you were. You took a test and immediately, that was your baby and you had all the anticipation and joy that comes along with it. We can always compare to the journey of others but don’t let that diminish your (valid) feelings and experience.
Sara says
Hug to you. Just know there is no right or wrong way to process such a sad experience. Everyone’s journey is valid. I’m currently experiencing infertility and have absolutely no clue how to talk about it either.
Jess says
Thanks for sharing your heart <3
Kori says
I’m so very sorry for your all’s loss, Kath. May the future bring your family so much happiness. I wish you well.
Monica says
Thanks so much for your honesty, and thank you for talking about your miscarriage. I feel like women are slowly starting to talk more about this. I’ve had three in between my two boys. Two miscarriages at 10 weeks with D&Cs and one chemical pregnancy that I miscarried naturally. It’s so awful on so many levels. I was told all three times that it was just “bad luck” but I wouldn’t accept that answer. I ended up going through IVF to have our second son who will turn 1 next week. I always wonder about those three sweet babies and what they’ll look like when I meet them again. But then I realize if I had carried one to term I wouldn’t have my sweet Caston. Bittersweet for sure. My amazing husband just got a beautiful tattoo of an owl and five swallows flying above the owl (to represent our two boys and our three angels). Totally his idea, and it leaves me in a puddle every time I see it. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself through it all.
emma says
Thank you for sharing, I hope it feels good to be true to your desire to be vulnerable. Very sorry for your loss and I appreciate you sharing. In this internet age so much “bad” can be circulated, and yet at the same time, women sharing their stories — their pain, fear, triumph, allows others to feel less alone. Because it may be hard to say aloud and share, just reading this makes it more aware 🙂
Also, per your first comment on income stream, have you been listening to Jess Lively recently? LOVED her podcast from yesterday about money. You are obviously very smart, talented, and authentic…I wonder where that will lead you if you consider anything is possible!
KathEats says
I fell off the Lively wagon a bit when it got very woo woo but I love talking about money, so I will give that a listen!
emma says
Oh! You may like some of the recent LoA Q&A episodes where she talks to people unfamiliar with Law of Attraction and breaks down what it is and how it’s applied in their life (Jasmine Star was a great recent that stood out to me). And for another money one you may like her chat with Colleen Kavanaugh. 🙂
Philippa says
Anything written from the heart will always be poetic 🙂 Thank you for trusting us with such personal news Kath – I’m so very sorry, how heartbreaking for you both.
On your first point, I’ve been reading your blog since 2008 (I know I’m not the most regular commenter though, trying to change that!) and these past few years I’ve enjoyed it more than ever, as it’s been lovely to see you evolve and open up, as scary as that is to do. I think you get the balance right between being vulnerable and keeping some parts of your life just for you, and as a result, this is a blog that’s friendly and fun but still keeps it real. I hope KERF lasts forever too! I’m sure whatever direction you go in will be the right one.
Sending you lots of love and good wishes xx
Blythe says
Thank you for sharing. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility, and deciding what to do next. It’s all part of the pains of life, good luck going forward.
KathEats says
Best of luck to you guys
Janelle says
Huge hugs Kath. Thanks for sharing.
Rebecca C says
I am unfortunately a loss mom (what some of us sadly call ourselves in supportive corners of the interwebs). I’ve also had a first trimester miscarriage and last year we lost our full term, healthy son right after birth. I’ve been reading your blog for years and when I was pregnant with my son last year I went back and read your posts from when you were pregnant with Mazen. <3 I'm so so sorry for your loss. And thank you a hundred million times for being brave and sharing your loss and your feelings honestly. I hope sharing felt good for you, but also know that your sharing helps so many of us feel a little less lonely in the world. I'm wishing you, Thomas, and Mazen lots of love and hope during this time.
KathEats says
And I am so very sorry about your loss as well. I can’t imagine losing a newborn. <3
Priyanka says
I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage just because your pain seems smaller compared to others doesn’t mean that the pain is any less. This is a difficult loss to bear. Take Care!
julie says
i’m so sorry for your loss kath. my heart goes out to you guys.
Brigid says
Kathy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my second pregnancy and dealt with it silently. Our families, to this day, still don’t know about it; and that was 15 years ago. May you be blessed with another baby. Much health and happiness to you and your family!
Andrea says
Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. You write about everything beautifully and in your own voice which I have always loved about the blog. I totally relate to the struggle as well, both speaking and talking about hard things like loss.
Mandy says
<3
Louise RD says
Thanks for sharing- keep up the blog! Every now and then (road trips!), a fast food stop is OK, even for nutritionists. And yes, the salad options can be pretty yummy! Sorry about your miscarriage- I had one, too—at 9 weeks, in between my 2 kids. It wasn’t a viable pregnancy so I understood the process but it was still a tough pill to swallow. Good luck with your family planning going forward 🙂
Cher says
You’re allowed to feel sad, no matter how far (or not) along… all the best <3
meme says
best of luck ..always
Tina Morrow says
Oh, Kath, losing a baby is so, so sad no matter how far along you are. My heart goes out to both of you. May sharing and knowing how much others sympathize and care help you heal along the way. You will be in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy in the future.
As for fast food, we rarely indulged our 4 kids when they were growing up. We always packed a picnic for trips on the go. But our youngest landed a job at Chick-fil-a for her senior year of HS. So, we had to dine there occasionally and I discovered a love of their breakfast chicken biscuits! That was four years ago and I try to not eat them too often but they’re super hard to resist.
Happy Easter 🙂
Alicia says
Kath, I am so sorry for your loss.
Mer says
I am so sorry for your loss. Like so many women, I have also gone through this (twice). Please know that at least for me, it was so helpful to read what others wrote about going through it. It’s a terrible club to join, but there’s some comfort in knowing others have been through it too. Since miscarriage often happens before you share the news, it’s something that can be so isolating. I’ve since made a point of telling friends what happened so they know they can talk to me if they go through the same thing (though I wish no one had to go through this!). And you’ve done the same with this post – I’m sure it will bring comfort to more people than you know.
Eileen says
Aww, Kath, I’m sorry about your miscarriage.
First of all, you don’t *have* to write any more about it if you don’t want to.
Second of all, I had a very similar miscarriage, and I *get* it. Because it never truly seemed like a healthy pregnancy, I never really relaxed into it, and although it was painful and I cried plenty, I do think I processed it differently than if it had been a real shock.
Also, people grieve so differently, share so differently, and just LIVE so differently that there is no point in comparing suffering; in fact, I think it’s cruel to compare suffering. Just be gentle with yourself.
Tara says
Kath, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I can’t imagine how you felt. Sending positive vibes your way. <3
Becca says
This post struck a cord with me, both because of my recent miscarriage, and because of a recent career upheaval. My miscarriage was very similar to yours–we got pregnant on the first try and lost the embryo very early on. I too, kept telling myself that a lot of women had experienced worse and that because it happened so early that it almost wasn’t real. But it was real. Talking to women who had miscarried before was so helpful because I (sadly) realized that I wasn’t alone and that there is a wide community of support if you let them in. I found it helpful to not discount my grief, and mourn my tiny loss.
I am now 9 weeks pregnant and everything is going fine so far. However, this whole experience has made me realize that there’s only so much you can control in life, and sometimes you have to just take one on the chin, adapt and move forward.
Apriori says
I can’t speak to miscarriage, except that I had to have a hysterectomy at 29, and now that I am 40 and “finally” married to the love of my life — it’s heartbreaking knowing I will never have a child. (For me, it hasn’t ever gotten easier, even when I was married to the “wrong” guy.) All that to say — your story is exactly that. It is yours. If time has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t compare my infertility to others being able to conceive, or the reasons why I can’t conceive, to others. Your loss is not less than others’ because you were “only” a few weeks along, etc. Your loss, your story, your baby — yours. Grieve as much as you need to, only share what you feel truly called to share. You are entitled to as much of a private life as you want. 🙂 You don’t owe anyone anything — except to yourself, to be happy, etc. (If that makes sense.) Prayers/good wishes for healing and peace.
KathEats says
I’m so sorry you had to go through that so young <3
Catherine says
Oh, Kath. I am so sorry to hear this and am so inspired by your bravery to share. I think it shows how resilient and strong you are that you kept this blog, all about your life, going and I never noticed a blip. Your honesty about how difficult it is to share is so great and will help so many women who have been affected by the same situation. Women don’t talk openly about their fertility issues and how common they are enough. Thank you for being vulnerable.
E says
I’m so sorry for your loss. And thank you for sharing it and your life with us. I’ve been reading your blog for a very long time and I still love it so much! I have. 7-month-old and have even been rereading BERF. I hope you get some good news soon!
Nancy says
All of these things make you HUMAN – and your humanity is what makes your blog interesting.
Thank you for facing the fear of sharing and letting us in to your life.
Kelli @ Hungry Hobby says
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I also had an early miscarriage at about 5.5 weeks on the first try. It was so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I had a hard time writing about mine too for the same reasons, even though it was significant to me in comparison I should have felt lucky to have not been so far along. When I finally wrote about it, it felt good to share my story. Many of my friends came forward to share their story and offer support to me, that was amazing.
KathEats says
I read your post! I almost reached out to you actually because it sounds like we had similar experiences. Best of luck to you guys.
Shana says
Thank you for sharing your story, which was beautifully and perfectly written. I am sorry for your loss and hope you have the time and the space to heal the way you need. *Hugs*
Christin J Slyngman says
Thank you for sharing your story. In my blog feed, my eyes went to your post immediately because of the honestly in the title. Your story is significant. YOU are significant. Sharing it doesn’t take away from anyone else’s journey, Kath. Sharing it brings the opportunity for us to connect with you as readers, and what your shared really hit home for me (and obviously others judging by the comments) on lots of different levels, so thank you for having the courage to be vulnerable! Have you read the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown? I’m reading it right now. I think you would really like it.
Hugs,
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Definitely no right or wrong way to write about or experience a miscarriage.
Jen says
You are one of the only bloggers I still keep up with from 9-10 years ago when I first discovered your blog and the slew of other “healthy living” blogs. I hope it keeps going for a long time to come ?
I have not miscarried but I can relate to feeling like a loss I have experienced doesn’t really “count” but it IS a loss and you are allowed to feel sadness and shed tears over it. Thank you for choosing to share.
Amanda Hernandez, RD says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am a blogger and RD too and am constantly worried about my income drying up as well and get super stressed about it all the time.
Liz says
I’m currently being trained to be the “number cruncher” for my husband’s company after 3 years of staying home with my kids 🙂 Like you, I have a graduate degree in a totally unrelated field (psychology) and I wasn’t quite sure how I’d feel officially shutting the door on the career I spent years training for, but I’m excited to embark on a new journey! I’ve been reading your blog since 2007 and while I hope it continues for a long, long time it seems like you are a very industrious person and I’m sure you will thrive even if you have a career change at some point!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage between my 1st and 2nd babies as well and it was really hard even though it was early. Wishing you and Thomas all the best!
EB says
I had a very similar miscarriage experience – it doesn’t feel real. Because I’d never really accepted the pregnancy (it didn’t “sink in” because I was spotting so soon after I found out), I didn’t feel the loss that a lot of people describe. I don’t really think of it as a miscarriage in my head, because the pragmatic piece of me takes over and I feel like it doesn’t hold a candle to some of the pregnancy losses I’ve heard about. It’s not that I’m denying my emotions; the pregnancy was so short lived and such a surprise that my hopes weren’t as high as others. If someone were to tell me “I’m sorry for your loss” it wouldn’t quite feel appropriate. Anyway, even this comment is awkwardly worded, so I think I understand how you feel. Best of luck to you guys!
KathEats says
Yes that’s exactly how I feel
Lisa C. says
Kath, you lost a baby and any feelings you have about it are valid. Sending huge loving hugs from PA. I’m a longtime reader and praying for another reason for Thomas to leap around very soon!!
Teresa says
So much love you, Kath. I haven’t had a MC but I know every woman that shares publicly makes it easier for everyone who has gone through it. You are brave and I hope you keep writing. So happy to hear 2017 was you best year yet for the blog. I’d be sad if you stopped but I’d understand.
Celeste says
Kath, I’m so sorry. I recently had my secondbaby, and he was my fourth pregnancy. It is terrible at any point, and I hope you have the baby you want soon.
RJ says
I am so sorry for your loss. Please give yourself permission to grieve however you see fit. I have had 3 miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy and they were all hard in their own way. I also thank you for sharing because miscarriages are usually kept a secret and that can be really isolating. These are the conversations needed to normalize it. I wish you and Thomas all the best and I hope you have wonderful news to share soon. Sending love.
Emily says
Kath, thank you for continuing to be brave and vulnerable just by continuing to share parts of your life on the not-always-friendly internet. I’ve learned a lot from you (especially around balance and how individual it is-and is OK to be) since I started reading ages ago, and I wanted to chime in and say that i’ve actually connected more personally with your blog the last couple of years. So sorry for your loss- I know from experience it’s tough to know how & what to say about an experience like that and the associated feelings. Sending best wishes as you move forward.
Kerry Haslam says
Thank you for sharing about your miscarriage.
Aimee says
You keep writing and sharing the way you do and I see no reason why KERF won’t stick around for many many years to come. It’s beautiful when women (maybe some men but I assume the majority of readers are women) can make you feel comfortable enough to share something so intimate. Rock on Queens.
Kaci says
What a powerful post! I hope you are able to fully heal & that the future holds amazing things for you & KERF!
Tonya says
Hugs, love, and kisses to you, Kath. Thank you for your openness. This post was beautifully human. 🙂
Lauren says
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I went through IVF to conceive my son, my first two embryo transfers ended in what are called chemical pregnancies (very early miscarriages). I didn’t feel like the losses were as substantial as miscarriages later in pregnancy so I didn’t properly grieve them in the moment. All that to say you need to give it as much or as little attention as feels right for you. Thank you for sharing and opening up the conversation to help normalize loss (and infertility).
Jamie says
Thank you for being so honest! I truly feel that you are a friend. I’m so sorry for your loss and pray you habe a healthy little one soon!
Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious says
Thanks for sharing your very personal loss. My best friend a mis-carriage earlier this year and it was so hard (and still is hard for her). All the best to you!
Leah says
I am so sorry for your loss. My miscarriage was exactly like yours, I knew early on something wasn’t right, but it still brought sadness and loss. However, I had an intense feeling that it was part of my spiritual journey to go through that loss, and I actually learned a lot about myself in the process. I consider it a blessing to experience the highs and lows of life. While painful, they shape who we are. I got pregnant the next time we tried after the miscarriage and my son is the light of my life. I still think about my first baby, and know that her spirit is still out there, either waiting for us to try again, or finding another family to call her own. It was our destiny. Love to you both, and keep your heart open to the lessons we learn from heartache and loss.
Connie says
Oh Kath I’m so sorry for you and Thomas! You’re doing a great job being vulnerable though–really since you announced you were splitting up with Matt your posts have gone to the next level. I guess you gotta really live life to be able to write about it in the way that you do, and that includes the ups and the downs. I’m keeping you in my thoughts for the next “up” that life will surely bring your way!
Jeanie says
I’m rather tickled to learn that you occasionally indulge in fast food. I like Chic-Fil-A’s Cobb salad, but I prefer Olive Garden salad dressing on it. Chic’s dressing tastes oily to me, and not in a good olive oil way. I so very sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I’m sure that would be devastating no matter how far along you are. Prayers for a healthy pregnancy soon.
Sarah says
I love you so much! You are so genuine and real.
KathEats says
<3 you back!
Cristal says
So sorry for your loss. I don’t think it matters how far along you were to feel sad. You have the right to feel sad , it is a loss no matter how far along you are. Thanks for sharing your story with us, and my deepest condolences to you and Thomas.
JM says
I had at least 4 of those early miscarriages. This was before I had any children. It’s scary and hard and…and so much more. No one talks about it, and everyone was so positive when they did, which only made it worse.
You’re not alone, and it’s okay to not be okay with what happened (but it sounds like you’re dealing with it, which is a step forward.)
polly says
YAY for honesty!
and i am so sorry about the miscarriage. But! I bet God has a beautiful baby in the future. 🙂
and heck YES chic fil a and other fun spots. Why not? It’s not everyday but it’s real life and a few chicken nuggets or waffle fries never hurt nobody. (psst… I lived on fast food as a teenager and i am still amazed my arteries are not sludge lol)
always love ya!!! and your blog!
XOXO
Melanie says
I too had an early miscarriage upon trying for our first. It was at about 5 weeks and they called it a “chemical pregnancy”. It sounded so sterile and false, but my body knew I had been pregnant. Every loss is significant. Thank you for sharing the story of yours. Best of luck for you and Thomas on the path forward. Xoxo
Nancy says
I’m so sorry for your loss. That loss is real so please allow yourself to grieve what needs to be grieved. You and Thomas may process this differently and that’s ok. I experienced my first pregnancy loss much differently than my husband did. I hope you feel the love and support you have in the community you have built. You have an awful lot of love coming from people you’ve never met. That’s a pretty awesome side benefit from this blog world you’ve got going. We can’t wait to celebrate with you as your family grows.
Flo says
Hugs to you, Kath. I’ve been there and know how devastating it is. It’s good to talk about it as much as you want. You are mourning. Best wishes for the future. Take care of yourself.
Heather says
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you don’t feel embarrassed about not being able to write about it. I think it’s wonderful that so many can feel free to express their feelings around their miscarriages, but I don’t think that means everyone needs to! It’s okay to process those feelings privately, and maybe later you will want to write more about it.
I had an early miscarriage (6 weeks) with my second pregnancy and honestly had very little sadness about it. I was bummed because we wanted to have another baby, but I didn’t have the feelings that I’ve read about. It was only after my second child was born that I began to think about the miscarried baby; I could not have had 2nd my son had I not miscarried and that made me feel sad for the lost baby. Anyway, my feelings came much later than the actual miscarriage and maybe your words will as well. xo
Sarah says
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing… miscarriage is common (I’ve had one in the first trimester, too) but it is so rarely talked about that I think most people who experience miscarriages feel very along. This seems to be changing in our generation, as more people talk about it at least a little. Thank you for doing that, and I wish you good health and a successful pregnancy next time.
Megan says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, and it was so devastating and lonely. It’s not useful to compare your pain to others, because your pain is real too. It’s so empty to be pregnant one day and not the next with nothing to hold on to. I’ve had two beautiful kids since then and no other pregnancy complications, but I still think about the first one when that time of the year comes around. Just be honest with yourself and your spouse about what you need right now.
Leigh says
I’m sending prayers your way. Trust that God will provide whatever you need whenever you need it! I have a small business that sometimes tends to stress me out when I worry about the future. I have to remind myself to trust God’s plan and not worry about the details. Go snuggle with Mazen and stay strong!
Tracy says
So sorry for your loss, Kath and Thomas. A miscarriage is heart breaking no matter how far along!
Give yourself credit, Kath. Your writing is very poetic. Please don’t ever suggest you’ll stop blogging! I love to read <3
Eleanor says
<3 Miscarriage is hard no matter when it happens. You are brave to write about it.
Katelyn says
Kath, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I experienced a very early miscarriage last year. It was devastating, and my heart goes out to you and Thomas. I have no perfect healing words, but hope you are finding some peace. <3
Ashley says
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had a similar experience where I lost my baby a few days after finding out I was pregnant. The pregnancy was a major surprise (i had 2 kids and hadn’t planned on trying for another quite yet) and I hadn’t wrapped my head around it, but I figured i had plenty of time to do so. So when I miscarried, I was beyond devastated but I down played it because I didn’t feel worthy of being sad; I wasn’t far along and it wasn’t planned. Others had it harder with later losses and infertility, I shouldn’t whine about my experience.. But you know what? That was my baby and I loved him/her and it hurt. I got pregnant with my son right after, but 4 years later I still have hard days and grieve that miscarriage. It’s okay to be heartbroken, you love that baby regardless of how long it was growing in you.
Marcie C. Ferris says
holding you in our hearts, and know this year will bring continued joy (and prosperity!) to you and your sweet family. very proud of you and your excellent work. Marcie
Kat says
“So much joy followed by so much sadness. That’s the short story.”
That’s a pretty apt summary. I had two consecutive early miscarriages. The first one ripped me apart in a way that I could not have imagined. There was a depth of pain that felt primal, inescapable… The second one launched me into a bit of an existential crisis. I felt disconnected from my life and everything that I thought I knew.
It is a wild emotional ride, and I thank you for sharing. I wish that the possibility (and reality) of miscarriages was a more common part of the pregnancy narrative. It doesn’t mean that it’d stop being painful, but perhaps at least women would brace themselves for the potentiality.
Sending hugs!
Amy says
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and am sending prayers your way. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 1/2 years, and I know that if I were to get pregnant, I would love the baby so much from the beginning. Everyone’s pain is different, and that doesn’t make yours any less valid. ??
Christa says
Hi Kath, I have been reading your blog for seven years and this is my first comment. I just have to say that I’m happy you were able to share about your miscarriage. I am so sorry that you experienced this and my heart goes out to you. I have had four miscarriages and never felt I could talk about it openly and had to keep on pretending like everything was OK. Hopefully by you sharing your miscarriage it will normalize it for other women to talk about it and not feel they have to hide their feelings. Wishing you and Thomas lots of luck for next time.
Also, have you ever thought of keeping your blog running but also talking on a few clients a month to provide nutrition advice to? By providing one on one support to just a few people at a time you could be generating a bit more income to make you feel more financially secure.
Renee says
Oh Kath so many emotions reading this and crying for you. We tried 7 years for Eli and gave up hope. 2 miscarriages before and 1 when I was in my early 20s. They are never easy. Here’s what helped me and came from my wonderful OB as I turn 36 this year and get discouraged when I think about trying for a 3rd. She said the good news is research is come a long way- woman are getting pregnant and having successful pregnancies well into their 40s. Getting their is half the fun because you get lots of practice, and lots of time to connect and spend time together. When I had my miscarriages I was so discouraged, but she also said you got pregnant 2 times already- that’s half the battle and it’s good because it means you have no trouble getting pregnant.
So I hope that helps some. Relaxing, no stressing to much about it, and for us untimely giving up and not charting helped us get pregnant. I think we stressed ourselves too much and too long and when we gave up it just happened.
I’m not saying give up though- you guys are just getting started. And I think we can all say we are so excited for you and Thomas in this new journey and wish you nothing but the best, and we are so sad to hear this news. For me my early ones were much easier to process, the 12 week+ was much harder.
Now for the income part I think that’s a worry for us all. Especially with being a blogger, small business owner, a stay at home mom or being in direct sales.
I started selling younique because I want us to have a bit extra to be able to put into savings. It isn’t much right now but I hope it will work up to something. Plus I love that all our products are mineral based and chemical free. My skin is seen an amazing improvement. But I also only sell it because I fell in love with the products with the companies mission.
Good luck sweetie. I’ll be praying for you guys.
KathEats says
Thanks for sharing your story Renee
Karen H says
Just catching up on a few posts. So very sorry to read of your loss, I know how difficult it is. I was just thinking, I have checked into your blog for years now. Thank you for sharing your fabulous ideas, recipes, hints, and your own life. You are amazing! Enjoy your vacay!
Stacey says
Thank you so much for sharing. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. These are the post that all of your readers love and feel more connected to. I had a very early miscarriage in September. I found out I was pregnant on Sunday and had very heavy bleeding on Friday. I ended up going to the ER where I found out that I lost it (which I knew going in). It was a very hard few months, but in December we got the news we had been hoping and praying for. I’m not 18 1/2 weeks along. Not a day that goes by that I still don’t worry, or every time I go to the bathroom I inspect the toilet paper to make sure there is no blood. It’s hard, but I’m happy we were able to get pregnant again and so soon after. I found comfort in telling my friends and the support they provided was incredible. Stay positive and don’t ever feel ashamed to speak about it. You never know who else is going through the same thing. Sending much love and positive vibes to you.
Katrina says
Oh wow. I don’t have any magical words to make it all better and the others have voiced my exact thoughts. I didn’t know how to share it on my little corner of the blogosphere so I just laid it all out there. When doctors told us that we”can’t” conceive, I stopped charting and checking calendars. When I had a very awful heavy period that lasted more days than normal and I took a test, I had to deal with all the emotions at once. Ecstatic that we COULD conceive, devastation that we lost it, and then to realize I was 10 weeks along was the final blow. What I thought was a very light period was actually implantation. There wasn’t any way to find a happy ending in all that and I stopped trying to make any sense of it. It just was something we had to work through together. But what shocked me to most was how many women in my small circle of people experienced miscarriage. When I went public on facebook, I was flooded with private messages from people I am close to but had no idea. Nobody talked about it. That has to change. Thank you for sharing this.
KathEats says
oh wow, I’m so sorry
Caroline says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with miscarriage. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the only thing that helped me get through that time was talking to friends about their own pregnancy losses. It is such a common occurrence that’s so rarely discussed, and I wish that would change, because I think all of us would benefit from a more open and honest conversation about the difficulties of becoming and remaining pregnant. I really appreciate your bravery and willingness to start that conversation here. I know it will help a lot of people who are grappling with the same experiences and feelings.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, and I hope you won’t let yourself feel guilty about your emotions–all that you’re feeling is valid and important. Here’s to better times ahead soon!
Jennifer W says
Hi Kath,
I was so sorry to hear you experienced this significant loss and hope you are able to grow your family soon. Sending you peace and comfort during this time.
Sarah says
Your writing and stories you share are beautiful because they are real. Sending loving thoughts your way.
Abby says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Carla says
Kath, I’m so very sorry for your and Thomas’ loss. I just had my first 4.5 months ago, and at the very beginning of the pregnancy, we thought we were losing her because I had some kind of scary spotting. It was so very hard to even imagine that reality, and I’m sure it is so much harder living through it. Your family is in my prayers. <3
joannie says
im sorry for your loss. i wish you health and happiness.