Anxiety isn’t something that I have experienced much in the past. This year, however, things have changed. Here are my personal experiences with stress and anxiety. Also: This post reflects my personal thoughts and experiences. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
What you see isn’t always the whole truth
My Experience With Stress + Anxiety This Past Year
I know with certainty that I am not alone feeling much more anxious these days. The state of the world right now alone is enough to cause worry in us all.
Living through a pandemic is like a bad case of PMS: little things that didn’t used to bother you cause a much bigger reaction.
If you check out this document created by the American Psychological Association, you’ll find some stats about the increase in stress across the country over the past year.
I have read a lot more about anxiety in the past few years for reasons unrelated to my own mental health, but as I’ve learned more about the symptoms, I’ve recognized more of them in myself.
New Anxiety Symptoms
This quote sums up the change in anxiety I have experienced:
“Everyone experiences stress and anxiety at one time or another. The difference between them is that stress is a response to a threat in a situation. Anxiety is a reaction to the stress.” –ADAA
Under “normal” circumstances, I was able to problem solve stressors and deal with them without a significant emotional toll.
But this year when I feel stress, sometimes that has led to a physical reaction. The acute symptoms of chest pressure, lightheadedness, and tingling are new.
On a more chronic note, I’ve been having more sleeplessness and insomnia (waking up feeling panicked at times) and headaches. When I was younger I used to bite my nails; that has turned into picking at my nails and nail beds, which is a gross habit that gets much worse during periods of stress.
While I know some anxiety is normal, it has crept more and more into my everyday. I know many of you struggle with panic attacks and more extreme manifestations that can disrupt daily life.
I am most definitely not an expert in anxiety, but I wanted to share some of my personal experiences in the hopes that we can support one another in the comments.
Everyone’s experiences are their own, and comparison won’t solve problems, so I do hope we can keep that in mind.
Sources Of Stress That Have Led To A Stress and Anxiety Snowball
1 // Parenting
Parenting is hard no matter what season you’re in. My kids are six years apart with very different needs. I constantly feel pulled between them for different reasons. That is normal!
School has been unpredictable for both of them. We have had so many snow days recently (Birch was out 4 days for snow in the past few weeks), and with the stricter COVID rules regarding runny noses (understandably), he will probably miss another full week when the next winter cold blows through the class.
When Mazen was this age, I used to go to ACAC and let him get all his energy out in the indoor playground with his friends while I exercised and showered. Since that’s off the table now, it’s just a LOT of time together.
That said, I am VERY grateful we have an option for Birch to have regular childcare for the majority of the days. He is getting to play with other children his age and learning so much.
I am thankful for Mazen’s teachers who have done the best they possibly can with Zoom school, but being his home teacher has not been easy. Even just regulating the daytime snacks has been challenging! He’s heading to face-to-face school on March 8 so I am very much looking forward to having a quiet house more of the time.
I know other people are working full-time with more kids at home than I have, and all I have to say about that is I feel for you too!
2 // Limited Self Care Options
Now normally when I’d be feeling a little overwhelmed I might delve into some self care. I am a huge believer of the oxygen mask principle, and I know I am the best mom when I am feeling well myself.
But again, with many people struggling with mental health, so much is closed down and the usual self care support systems are running on low power mode.
What might you normally lean on for support? A visit to your BFFs house, a girls’ night on the couch with a group of friends, a date night with your partner, a massage, go to a coffee shop, a yoga class, therapy.
While some of these might be available to some of you, your personal risk and region of the country might limit that. Not to mention, if you want to do those things someone has to watch the kids! I’d give anything for a sweaty, hot yoga class right now.
3 // A Busy Work Season
Since just before Christmas when I decided to jump 100% into creating my course I’ve been burning the candle at both ends making that dream come true. I’ve been getting up at 5:30 a.m. and working in the evenings.
I knew this would be an intense season, and luckily it’s almost over since the course and marketing around it are all set up now. But it has contributed to feelings of overwhelm during this time.
I love this Ally Love quote I heard during a Peloton class and think of it often:
“I don’t want my ambition to rob me of my current joy.”
I’m in a season of building things, but I have to remind myself that I create this reality and nothing is the end of the world – it’s just money and time.
4 // Health scares
I’ve had a few health concerns this year, including needing my first mammogram.
Luckily everything looked ok on my follow up (apparently I have “scattered fibroglandular densities”) but this weighed on my mind for months.
As this was my first one, I can now say that the actual mammogram was no big deal at all, and I’m glad to have a baseline as I turn 40 in 1.5 years!
5 // Winter Blues
Need I say more? Take me to the tropics.
6 // Extras
I hate it when people say this, but there are some more stressors I can’t share online to respect the privacy of those I care about.
What Has Helped?
Exercise
Exercise is my #1 go-to when I’m feeling off. Even a 10-minute treadmill walk boosts my mood. And as cheesy as it is to say, the Peloton instructors’ positivity is always great to hear.
Gratitude journaling
I had a 2020 paper planner that I never used and I turned it into a gratitude journal. Writing a few things down as part of an abundance mindset keeps me reassured I have a lot to be thankful for.
Meditation apps
Again, the Peloton app has a ton of great 5 minute guided meditations, and occasionally the kids join in too.
Reading
Reading fiction has always been such a great mind reset for me, and I try to read every day, especially before bed or in the middle of the night when I need to quiet a racing mind.
Asking for help
Asking support from Thomas when I need a little extra time to myself (see 10 minute treadmill walk above!)
—> Very grateful
Anxiety isn’t always easily explained. I am very grateful for the things we do have: two incomes, a secure home, food to eat, no one is currently sick (knock on wood), and we have help from extended family, including Mazen’s second set of parents.
When I start to feel the anxiety creeping in, I try to root myself in foundational truths (this is partly why this became my word of the year.) I zoom out so I can see the context of this moment in this year in this one person on this one big planet.
elle says
Those mammogram follow ups can be scary! I had to have a biopsy one year because of something they saw (but couldn’t feel.) I was freaking out and told a friend who was like “oh, I’ve had like 6 of those. They always come back normal.” It reminded me of how important it is to share things with my trusted friends. Thankfully mine came back all good, too, and now that they know what things look like, they won’t mistake what they are seeing for tumors.
Kath Younger says
Very true! Talking with other people who have been through the same things is incredibly comforting.
Aubrey says
Very relatable post, thank you. One thing that has helped me has been cutting back on alcohol. Early in the pandemic I decided I would allow myself a glass of wine every night, something I had never really done before. It quickly became a habit and I felt I “deserved” it after a day of work, kids, and home. Once I cut back to only a glass here and there, I noticed a big improvement in my sleep (something you mention here). It was hard to give up the ritual, but I do feel more rested and recharged.
Kath Younger says
Alcohol definitely messes with my sleep! But I haven’t been sleeping well on nights that I don’t drink either so I don’t think that’s the only issue unfortunately. Especially because I wake up suddenly in a state of worry. But cutting back is always good for all areas – I agree.
Jody says
I have residual anxiety/sleep issues from alcohol even days later!
Denise says
The one thing that has helped me most is having the mindset of “what I can do”, instead of what I can’t. Reframing my life in the positive helps me a lot. I even wrote it on my mirror to remind myself as I get out of the shower. I still have anxiety, and bad days. But I keep asking “what CAN I do”?
Kate says
I have so much sympathy for those who suffer from anxiety because I suffer from it as well. For me, one of the most freeing things was being able to talk to others about it instead of trying to conceal my pain. I read a book many moons ago called When Panic Attacks by Dr. David Burns. Many of the tips in the book have stuck with me over the years. It’s worth a read! Hoping you find some peace…these are trying times.
Kath Younger says
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ve been fortunate not to have experienced a panic attack, but I’ve come close.
Steph says
I really appreciate that you posted this NOW. With vaccines rolling out and things opening up, I’m watching as people around me are relaxing…but I’m still experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s going to take awhile for me to start feeling normal again…and having three kids in virtual school while I work from home isn’t helping. Thanks for the empathy and great ideas for self-help!
Anne says
Thanks for an honest post on such an important topic. As an anxiety sufferer myself, I’d love to add coping mechanisms that help me – getting outdoors each day no matter the weather! And, for acute anxiety with physical symptoms, applying something cold to my face like an ice mask or even a washcloth. I had read somewhere that this can help ‘bring you back into your body’ and it has worked for me.
Also…mammograms! I had a similar experience at 38 and turns out I have scattered microcalcifications and densities. After some research, I learned this benign condition can be more common for women who breastfed for a longer time. I breastfed both my boys for over a year so this made sense.
Kath Younger says
Thank you for the tips. The cold to the face makes so much sense.
And very interesting on the calcification. I nursed both of mine for over a year too and this new area seems to have developed after Birch so I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’s related to breastfeeding.
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
This is so relatable. Thank you for sharing, it helps to know we’re not alone! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Susan says
Thank you Kath. This is very timely. I have been feeling really stressed lately as the months of quarantine drag on. My husband and I are eligible for the vaccine, but the supply is so low that we have been unsuccessful in scheduling it. In our area the process for scheduling is stressful with everyone trying to get on the same web site at the same time etc. etc. I also turn 70 in June and that is weighing on my mind. I figure I only have ten more active years ahead of me and this past year of cancelling all trips and doing nothing has robbed me of those precious years. But as Denise says above, I’m trying to focus on what I can do. That amounts to increasing my solitary walks, fixing healthy meals, giving my husband extra attention and staying in touch through Face Time with my girlfriends.
Kath Younger says
Good luck getting the vaccine – that will be such a relief. Hoping you can travel soon <3
Judith L Scott says
Susan, Talk about relatable! I, too, am 70, and a travel fanatic! Had to cancel 3 big trips in 2020, and lost some significant money..there’s a stressor for sure. At our age every year is precious, and although I’m in excellent condition, that’s what has hurt the most about this whole situation. I totally sympathize with young mothers trying to juggle everything and wonder how I would have done with my own 2 girls. I can only say “Hang in there” and think to 20 more active years! PS Getting my second shot 3/4!
Becca says
Giving up caffeine dramatically decreased my anxiety. I think I was just sensitive to it. It didn’t always impact me that way, but once I hit my thirties, it started to more and more.
Kath Younger says
You know, I’ve always been sensitive to caffeine too and Thomas has made me a huge coffee drinker. In the winter I do tend to drink more. I’m going to try to stick to my “one big mug” and see if that helps.
Ali says
Becca — Completely agree with the correlation between coffee and anxiety. I had given up caffeine for five years and during the pandemic slipped back into drinking it. I had a panic attack on a day when I had too much coffee and not enough food and I am certain it is related to the coffee/caffeine.
Apriori says
Thank you for sharing. Sending kindest, well wishes to you and those you love.
Jackie says
Thanks so much for sharing. Unfortunately, high anxiety seems to be the new normal. Hoping things can start to get better soon. You are not alone!
Maeghan says
Thank you so much for sharing, Kath! I think it is so helpful to know that we are not alone in our feelings of increased stress and anxiety during these times. One (very small/seemingly insignificant) thing that I have started doing to decrease my own anxiety is trying to only engage with content that is positive, uplifting, funny, hopeful, etc. as much as possible. During “normal” times I love to read psychological thrillers, listen to true crime podcasts, and watch heavy dramas. I found that engaging with these types of materials over the past year has actually led to an increase in my own anxiety. I absolutely love listening to podcasts while I cook, clean, get ready for work, etc. and found a great one called The Daily Smile. They are short episodes that provide a daily dose of positivity and serve as a helpful reminder to myself that there is good in the world, especially when things seem particularly glum. Take care <3
Kath Younger says
I agree – I can’t handle the dark stuff right now. thanks for the tips!
Christine Whittington says
The dreaded mammogram callback can be really scary. Sometimes it is just because they have updated the technology and the images look different. I had to go back once every 6 months until the docs finally decided that what I had was a cyst. Good for you for taking care of yourself!
Sarah says
Thank you for sharing. I too struggle with anxiety and it helps to know you are not alone! I have found that magnesium glycinate helps me to feel calmer and also helps me sleep better. There are also two books that have helped me so much : Calm My Anxious Heart and Transforming Your Thought Life. Hoping things are better for you!
Connie says
I feel seen! As someone who has never really had anxiety in the past, this year has made me feel like my mind is just…slipping. I can’t “control” my emotions like I’m used to. I know its normal due to the circumstances but its such a foreign and uncomfortable feeling! Also…the anxiety-induced nail bed/skin picking…I can’t stop ripping at my fingers! To the point the skin is raw and bleeding 🙁 If you come up with a solution for this let me know! I thought painting them and at-home manis would motivate me to keep them nice. Not so much.
Kath Younger says
All the yeses <3
Jeanie says
I am an anxious person and have had the misfortune of experiencing panic attacks. I’d like to tell you about my last incident in May of 2020. I was in bed, asleep, and felt like a panic attack was starting. I was unable to fully breathe either in or out. It actually felt like I was breathing through a pinhole — I just couldn’t get a good breath. I kept trying to assure myself that it would stop soon and everything would be okay. Well, 7 HOURS LATER, I decided to have my son call 911 for me. By the time the ambulance got me to the hospital I had passed out. They told me that I got there “in the nick of time.” I had been having a heart attack! I spent five days in the hospital and ended up with a stent and several new medications. I just want to say, if you feel that something isn’t right and seems unlike anything you’ve experienced before, get yourself to Emergency!
Kath Younger says
omg!! I’m so glad you are ok. What a scary story!!
Lori says
Kath, I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing anxiety. I have suffered with anxiety/panic for many years starting with Postpartum Depression with both pregnancies. This is a difficult time for many. I have friends who are also experiencing anxiety at high levels for the first time. It is harder to manage when I’m not on track. Being on track for me includes:
Eating healthy for the most part-like your squiggly line
Vitamins D3, magnesium, b complex etc
Zero caffeinated beverages-I’m a daily Starbucks drinker and I do decaf -caffeine induces anxiety for ME
Mindful of alcohol consumption-maybe 1-2 times a week
No scary or negative podcasts,TV or blogs NONE
Some form of daily exercise – no natter how small
Therapy- since Covid I’m on zoom or the phone 1-2 times per month. There are options even for those without insurance or the finances available
Taking care of my appearance-getting dressed and ready -looking my best for myself
Keeping my home/space clutter free and neat. Family members doing their part also
Saying NO- There are things-people-events I know will ramp up my anxiety. For our family, Covid has taken away most events.
Those are some of the things I maintain daily. Others include talking to a friend on the phone once in a while. Taking car rides by myself even if it’s just around my neighborhood without my husband/kids. 20 minutes helps clear my head. Walking my dog. Headspace app for 5-10 minutes. Little things you can do for yourself that make a big impact.
Of course talking to your health care provider can help. My husband knows that I need help sometimes. I ask for the help. My children are older now and I’ve talked to them about my need to take time for myself and respecting their need to do the same. Your mental health matters to you and your family.
The past 12 months have been very trying. Covid, politics, weather, school being online, working from home etc. So much has changed and it’s been understandably hard. Please take gentle care of yourself. I enjoy your blog because of the positive tone to it. Thank you for writing this valuable post. I’m sure many resonate with what you’re experiencing.
* I enjoyed reading the helpful and positive comments. You have a supportive group here!
Kath Younger says
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Liz says
This is such a great comment!! I suffer from very bad anxiety/panic attacks that started postpartum but became much worse when our youngest child was diagnosed with life threatening food allergies. I think it’s absolutely amazing that you aim for all of those things daily – I need to do the same but lack the motivation. I need to try doing small things consistently instead of trying to do ALL the things every day. Anyway, just wanted to share how helpful I found this comment while I was scrolling through. These have definitely been some very trying times.
Savannah Thaler says
Thank you for sharing all this Lori! Always helpful to see what is working for other people, and also to just experience the Common Humanity of our collective experiences right now. I learned a lot about common humanity while writing a blog post for a client about self-compassion and it has been a big part of how I think about myself and my struggles. Helps me not feel alone, helps me normalize what I’m experiencing and not categorize myself as “bad” for struggling, helps me feel CONNECTED during a year of extreme disconnect. Thank you for your willingness to share!
Elisabeth says
Thanks for your honest post about your experiences with anxiety, Kath! I’ve suffered from persistent depressive disorder (also known as dysthymia) and anxiety for a long time. I’m 38 years old and finally started seeing a psychologist (who thinks the dysthymia has been there since I was probably about 10 years old) two years ago and eventually a psychiatrist 6 months ago for medication for both (just my personal experience – consult your healthcare professional). I think it’s important to share struggles with mental health, especially right now, to normalize struggles with this. I appreciate your being “real” on your blog with topics like this, Kath! Hang in there and I’m always open to talk about anything related to mental health. And I second the above suggestion regarding the author David Burns – all of his books are potentially helpful, depending on the person and which topic you’re looking for help with. Hugs to all who are struggling, especially in the current world!
Kath Younger says
Thank you <3
Rebecca says
I experience anxiety normally, and the past year has made it much worse. I’ve realized that caffeine and alcohol make it waaaay worse.
What has been working for me over the last few months is: 20-30 mg of CBD throughout the day – and extra small drops (1/4 -1/2 of a dropper) before stressful meetings/when I feel extra (I like the Equilibria brand a lot); 5 mg of melatonin before bed; not eating after 7ish – and not having anything very heavy for dinner; trying to move my body everyday, even just a walk; and reducing alcohol/caffeine intake. I’m also trying to force myself not to use alcohol as a de-stressing tool…only as a happy/celebrating tool! I also have been taking baths 2-3/week…candles lit, face mask, the works.
Bethany Huckins says
I understand all of this. Very simular with me right now and what i’m doing. I just ordered my first bottle of CBD oil so i’m interested to see how that effects me. Also plan on getting into diffusing oils at bedtime etc. Sending love.
MB says
Thanks for being generous in your sharing! I’ve dealt with life long anxiety. Something that helps me is reminding myself that this feeling (whatever that is) will not last forever. Love all the comments!
Savannah Thaler says
Loved this post, Kath. Thank you for your willingness to share! I have also been learning more about symptoms and signs of anxiety and it was super helpful when my therapist finally NAMED it and said “yes what you’re describing are some symptoms of anxiety.” He pointed out that irritability is also an indicator and that is one thing that has skyrocketed for me during covid, esp related to parenting two small ones! It is just so nice to be a part of conversations about this, whether in person with my therapist or in a virtual space like this. normalizing mental health symptoms, needs, treatments, etc is extra important to me (esp working in the disordered eating field) and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing!
Kath Younger says
Thanks for your comment Savannah.
Erin says
Hi Kath,
Thanks for this very relatable post. I’ve never been so thankful for my weekly therapy sessions that started before right before covid and have moved to zoom (it’s not so bad that way!). I have a 7yo and a 4yo and a full time job that switched to working from home. It’s been very difficult to say the least and my anxiety has absolutely ratcheted up this year. It sucks – cbd, Goli ashwaganda gummies, and exercise are all helping me.
I think I read on your blog that you had purchased the latest Bundle Co bundle a couple months ago – it was you, right? Anyway, if so, and you haven’t yet – check out the Busting Anxiety in Motherhood course. I’m about halfway through and it’s really good – I make myself take my time with this one and go step by step.
Also helps to know how not alone you are in this – looks like from the comments that we have excellent company for better or worse!
Kath Younger says
Yes, I started the course but haven’t taken a deep dive in. I’m glad you found it helpful!
Sara says
Thank you for this post.
We are not alone.
Lucy says
First of all, I’m sorry for anyone who suffers from any anxiety. For a long time, I didn’t understand it and totally dismissed it when others mentioned it. Mine started a year after the birth of my second son and I’ve had to work hard to keep mine at bay. Here are the things that help me, a lot has been mentioned above!
-Decrease caffeine and alcohol
-limit phone scrolling
-exercise and specifically walking outside. Fresh air is so important
-breathing exercises (box breathing and Ive done some breath work seminars that are so helpful and relaxing)
-a really long wind down routine (kinda like I do for my kids!) Lack of sleep makes my anxiety go nuts. I plug my phone in another room, make my nightly magnesium drink, do skincare, read for 30 min and try to shut off the light at the same time every night. Rigid but it works
-lastly, the book “The Worry Cure” was very helpful to me!
Bethany says
Thanks for sharing this. I too have had more/noticeable anxiety this year. I’ve had a few panic attacks that really opened my eyes. Like others above, when the Pandemic hit i starting drinking a glass of wine/had a beer almost every night. Kind of as a victory for making it through the day. I also starting drinking 2 cups of coffee a day. A few months ago i finally got a treadmill at home and that has helped so much. A few weeks ago i cut wayyyyyy back on coffee and moved my alcohol consumption to weekends like it was before. I’m feeling so much better. I’m also going to start CBD oil to see how that effects me, along with oils from YL…..just some thoughts. Sending love!
Emily says
I totally get it. I never dealt with much anxiety prior to covid, but having two elementary aged kids at home while my husband and I work from home – it’s overwhelming!!! I feel like I went from 0 to 100 in the snap of a finger. I have been stepping up my exercise game, and I don’t drink alcohol – but I also reached out to my doctor and she put me on a low dose of anxiety medication. That has helped me feel more normal all around and helps me sleep better.
Meghan says
Thank you for sharing, Kath! And thanks to all the wonderful readers who also posted. We are all in this together.
Chelsey says
Well said! Don’t forget you have a whole virtual network of friends cheering you on!
Kath Younger says
Thank you!!
Sarah says
Agreed! I am grateful you opened up and hope you feel good about the support you got in this post. I do not have anxiety, but I started counseling in August to help me cope with pandemic stress and it has been SO helpful. Our EAP doubled the number of sessions available for free if you were a parent as a COVID response, which is actually what inspired me to do it. Once I got through my free sessions, I felt like it was worth continuing. I just do it every other week and it’s a great “me time”/investment in my own growth and development. I am homeschooling my two kids this year due to COVID and I still work part time. Apart from exercising, there isn’t any other “me” time or focus in my life, and this has been such a wonderful addition to my toolbox. Definitely something to consider if you haven’t tried it.
Also, total side note, but since you mentioned it–I’m newly pregnant and my surprise baby will be 7 years from my youngest and 8.5 from my oldest. I would love a post about your age gap! 🙂 I have looked some up to try to reassure myself it won’t be horrific! LOL.
Kath Younger says
Post on age gap has been written and is coming sooooon!!! And congrats!!
Sarah says
YAY!! I can’t wait to read it!
Blessing Green says
Thank you, it was interesting to read about your experience!