If you find yourself expecting a six-year age gap between your children, here are our family’s experiences with how the two ages weave together.
The cutest little brothers they are!
Two Brothers With A Six-Year Age Gap
We all know that you can’t plan an age gap between children.
Adding children to your family – no matter what that looks like – can be unpredictable.
I had once thought I’d try to have my children 3 years apart like my sister and I were, but circumstances took me down a different path.
While it’s perfectly normal to experience a “grieving period” when the age gap is different than you anticipated, know that there are pros and cons to every single age gap, so really, your family will flourish no matter what!
But if you find yourself with two kids about six years apart, you might find it helpful to read some of the ways this has been both extra fun and challenging for us.
Our kids are 8 and 2 at the time of writing this post, so I can only speak to the years we’ve passed. But so far, it’s been an awesome, wild ride!
The Wonderful Things About Our Age Gap
Mazen was mostly independent when Birch was born
From the start, it was a little easier having a six-year-old who was mostly independent since my arms were full with a newborn.
Mazen could get his own snack from the pantry, use the toilet on his own, and spent weekdays in kindergarten getting his energy out.
This made those first few sleep-deprived months much easier on all of us.
While at 6 Mazen still had plenty of energy and needs that we made sure to meet, they were a little easier to manage than a 2-3 year old’s.
Big brother teaches little brother new tricks
This was what I was looking forward to most when I knew we’d have a sibling for Mazen!
He uses a different voice when he talks to Birch, and naturally it is THE.CUTEST.THING. Like when he told Birch all about Valentine’s Day!
Mazen can read to Birch or teach him how to stack blocks. Birch looks up to Mazen in a different light than he looks to us.
Mazen is already his “super cool big bro” and when mom and dad are asking him to do something and Birch starts to protest, Mazen can often come in and save the day.
Even tasks like putting his shoes on are easier if I can get Mazen to give him some encouragement.
Of course, this teaching isn’t always helpful. I may have the youngest toddler in history to begin to say potty words. And I have caught Mazen saying things like “This is how you lick your toes!”
6 years isn’t too much of an age gap to not like the same things
Now that Birch can talk and run, the games they have in common have increased – especially open-ended, imaginative play, builds developmental skills for both of them despite their age difference!
They now play Star Wars Battle and make forts together.
We have dance parties that satisfy both ages!
I can already see how little siblings grow up faster than eldest children do because Mazen is always showing Birch a new game that’s a liiiiitle bit above his age.
Recently, we went outside as a family to play and Mazen said to Birch, “Would you like to play Bigfoot, go to the ice pond, or visit the lion?” Birch thought for a second and said “Play Bigfoot!” I love hearing them interact <3
The Challenges: Very Different Needs
Having different needs is both a pro and a con! But I’m adding it to the challenges because I think it’s more relevant here.
In many ways the boys can be opposites.
I can’t let Birch out of my sight, but that means he never gets into trouble.
Mazen, however, is fine to be in another room or floor of the house, but sometimes I do worry about the things he might be harming.
Like the time he went to my room, got an antique diamond ring of my grandmother’s (ahem, a REAL diamond), and took it to the neighbors’.
Thank goodness the ring returned home (can you imagine if he’d lost it in the yard?!).
I only knew it had left my house because the neighbors told their mom who told me!
On the other hand, I was also working at the computer the other week and Mazen brought me a “cocktail” on a tray.
While there was no alcohol involved, he had squeezed the oranges himself. He’s very clever and creative!
Mazen can get himself dressed but I can’t make him get in the car if he doesn’t want to go somewhere.
Birch needs help with most things, but I can still pick him up and put him in his car seat and he has no idea where we’re going!
Family activities need to appeal to both kids
- We can’t take Birch skiing yet.
- Mazen is “over” some of our younger playgrounds.
- They have totally different friends.
- One can swim and one can’t.
- They eat very different meals.
But even within those topics there is overlap. There are playgrounds they both can enjoy, and Mazen actually loves Birch’s friends and vice versa.
Expectation levels are very different
Mazen has chores he is expected to do that Birch is not old enough for yet, like putting his dish in the dishwasher.
This sometimes causes drama because “he’s only two” is never a good reason.
I will say that Birch is actually more enthusiastic about doing chores, so I’ve figured out some age-appropriate things he can help me with, like unloading the dishwasher and folding his laundry.
He’s thrilled to help, just like his big brother!.
Through the joys and the challenges, there is no bond like siblings <3
Andrea says
I’m due with my second in august and my daughter will be 5.5 years old so this post was very timely!! Thank you for sharing!! I’m really looking forward to the age gap. I was way too overwhelmed before by a toddler to even think about procreating again! And it’s very endearing seeing how thrilled she is with my growing belly and imagining what baby will be like.
Sarah says
This was so encouraging and helpful–thank you!! I love all the photos. They seem like they have such a sweet bond. How do you handle one who needs naps and one who doesn’t?
Kath Younger says
If we’re out we have to come home. We use white noise to try to keep it quiet!
Louise RD says
It’s great that your boys get along so well, which is a direct testament to their parents! My younger sis & I are also 6 years apart and every year, we seem to get closer and closer. For sure, there’s absolutely nothing like the sibling bond.
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
Thank you for sharing! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Denise says
Mine are six years and two months apart. The older just turned 31 this week, and his little sister will be 25 soon. They really enjoy each other as adults after the tumultuous middle years, but as youngsters, they had so much fun together. I really enjoyed the age gap because he wanted to help, and he was old enough to do A LOT of things. And I was used to it, as I’m older sister to my five years younger brother. I think it leave times for you to experience all of their ages separately, and I loved it.
Kath Younger says
Awww so old now!
Jamie says
My brother and I are almost 10 years apart and its great! I am older and always cared for him like he was my own baby. He came to stay with me in college when I was 19 and he was only 9 – which sounds strange but we’ve always been close!
Christeen Miller says
Great post as always! My two are 13 years apart. When the oldest went away to college (Go Hokies!), it was like having an only child at home. Now that he is out of the nest, his sister can go to him for advice, etc. However, he also gives us advice on how we should parent! But overall, a good big brother. She is looking forward to a solo trip to visit him one summer soon. We are on the west coast, he is on the east.
Kath Younger says
Aww! I imagine those last years with just one are so quiet and somewhat lonely!
Emily Shirk says
My younger brother and I are 4 years apart, and still to this day, I can’t stand the “your older you should know better” line. But my mom was right I did know better. With the “because he is only 2” reason isn’t great for the chores maybe remind Mazen he didn’t have chores until he turned 5? Not sure when they started, and let him know the same will happen for Birch.
Kath Younger says
Oh we do say that too!! We remind him of it all : )
Danielle says
My brother and I are almost exactly 6 years apart! I am the younger sibling. Gender plays a role in how things work out (of course) but I have to say that even though my brother & I are opposite genders, we had a great childhood together! He was always old enough to help out and know better than to get into silly arguments, etc. and I was always young enough to be totally obsessed with him and in awe of him 🙂
My Mom loved the gap – she said that it was amazing to have a pretty self-sufficient older child, and that made it much easier to have another baby all over again.
As adults now we share a great relationship, and are raising our kids at the same time.
Kerry says
We also have an age gap of 5.5 years bc I just wasn’t able to get pregnant. I don’t even think about the gap now. They play, they fight. SIBLINGS!
Ellen says
They are adorable boys!
Anne says
I’m curious if it was hard to give Mazen attention after school (assuming he may have had a difficult time adjusting to kindergarten like many kids do!) when Birch was a brand new baby, dealing with witching hour and all of that during the after school time period.
Kath Younger says
Yes, it was hard, but Birch was portable then so I would wear him or put him in the stroller for activities. If I remember correctly, he also took a late afternoon nap so that meant one on one time with Mazen then. The hardest part of all has been if Mazen needs to be picked up or driven somewhere during naptime. We usually have to tag team those times.
Kristin says
I can really relate to this with my kids being almost 4 years apart (girl age 11 / boy age 7). Their age difference solely happened because it was difficult for me to get pregnant with both of them, but frankly I really (for the most part) love the gap! It was so helpful that my daughter was old enough to be a little independent when my son was born and really enjoyed helping me with him. Their relationship has of course has had highs and lows (so much bickering!), but I know they will appreciate having each other. I’m an only child and now that I’m an adult I really wish I had someone to share life with like that, it’s truly special! The con that is the hardest right now is figuring out activities for both of them, since most sports/camps that sound fun to my daughter are for older kids and my son gets frustrated he can’t go along too. It would be great to just drop them both off at the same activity! Someday! Thanks for a great post. I think it important to recognize the reasons why families have age gaps, and that it’s not necessarily just from choice.
Jo says
This was a great, fun read – I have a 7 year old and 2 year old (and a 5 in between). I know what you mean about their language being more developed/mature. I picked my 2 year old from nursery the other day and said what shall we do when we get home? Out of his mouth came ‘Play Minecraft!’ !!! By the way, he has never played minecraft or any other computer game but he obviously listens to his older brother too much! It makes you realise how quickly a sibling will grow up – when his older brother was 2 he barely knew what the iPad was!
Kath Younger says
Haha yup!!
Meghan says
Great post! My sister is struggling with fertility and is worrying about that age gap becoming bigger with every passing month. My kids are 13, 10, and 5. I love the 8 and 5 year age gap between my two oldest and my youngest. They are the best brothers to their little sister. It has been perfect for us.
Karen says
Thank you for this. We are thinking about another and if we do decide to try they will be six years apart. Right now my husband is unsure because the age gap will be six years.