‘Twas a long and busy day at work today. But I’m always one to prefer busy days : ) I like brain stimulation! For some reasons I was hangry all day too. I broke into my Alliebar snack at 3PM and ate it all by 4. But thankfully that seemed to do the trick and tide me until dinner just fine.
I got home a little later than normal and decided I would skip the gym today. I had plenty of good reasons:
- Sore hamstrings from yoga
- Short on time
- I was short on sleep last night
- I’m going to the gym 8 hours from now!
I’m getting up tomorrow at Matt Time (a.k.a. early!) to get a pre-work workout in since we have an event to go to tomorrow night. Thought I’d give it a try.
So upon arriving home, Matt and I went for a 30 minute walk instead of hamstering on an ET and caught up on our days and discussed our anniversary trip – we think we’re going to go to Asheville for the weekend!
Soon enough it was dinnertime.
Two things I’ve missed: Tribal Moose and baked tofu!
I’ve tried a lot of BBQ sauces, and I think Tribal Moose is the best of the best. It’s sweet but not too sweet and still has an amazing BBQ-y smoky flavor that some of the fruity sauces miss out on. This was the last of our bottle! We marinated a block of Nasoya firm tofu in it for 30 minutes or so and then popped it into the oven for about 30 minutes – until the bottom was nearly charred and flipping halfway through. MMM!
I mixed together a side salad on the …side!
Malted wheatberries…cooked this weekend by Matt
Plus roasted broccoli and apple
Plus a drizzle of olive oil, maple syrup and sea salt…
What are malted wheatberries you ask? Just ask Matt, the malt man:
When we went to the Brendan Brazier talk, he spoke about how he likes to maximize the efficiency of his energy intake – he prefers to eat food that takes less energy to digest. One way he does this is by eating sprouted grains. Sprouting (also known as germinating or malting) a grain means you "trick" the seed into thinking its growing a new plant. Amongst all kinds of interesting biological processes like growing a root, malting also creates and activates certain enzymes in the seed. In a normal plant’s lifecycle, these enzymes break down the starchy endosperm of the seed to provide food for the growing plant.
Lucky for us we can use that food as well! Kath likes to point out that our brains are fueled by simple sugars alone. Not fat, nor protein, nor complex carbs, but essentially sugar. If you consume starches, your body must first break them down into sugar before your brain can use them for energy. If we malt a grain, part of the work has been done for us.
Well I decided to take this a step further, using my brewing knowledge. The first stage of brewing is to use the enzymes in the grain to completely breakdown the starches into sugar (this is called mashing). Usually we do this with crushed grains (barley in particular), but I wondered what it would be like to do it with whole, malted wheatberries! That’s right, I said wheatberries. You see, some malting company has taken wheatberries, malted them in a huge facility, and then dried them out for the purpose of brewing. I bought some of thesemalted wheatberries at the homebrew shop. Then I steeped them at specific temperatures over the course of an hour, which caused the enzymes to turn the starches into sugar. Then I boiled off all the excess water, which concentrated the sugary water to just the grains, and we were left with malted, mashed, cooked wheatberries!
What’s the flavor difference? Regular cooked wheatberries have a real grainy, bready flavor. Malted wheatberries, when cooked, have a slightly sweeter and toastier quality than the regular guys. But these mashed wheatberries have a surprising sweetness to them. It’s not candy-sweet, but more like fruit-sweet. The final boiling really concentrated and even caramelized some of the sugars, so it has this maple syrup/honey thing going on, with a bit of toasty richness. Think honey drizzled over a whole-wheat bread crust. Delicious!
-Matt
The wheatberry salad was excellent. And I say malted wheatberries are like a blend between Grape Nuts and a beer!
Hoping to finish up my computer work in time to start a new book! I finished The Last Song last night. And while I did complain a lot while reading it, it was a pretty good book overall. I would like to see the movie! Think I’m going to start Pat Conroy’s South Of Broad tonight to continue the beachy theme 🙂
***
Did you change your name upon marriage?
I didn’t!! I didn’t feel like I’d be the same person. I wanted people to know who I was on paper. I love my last name because it’s a word ( Katherine Anne Younger ) and couldn’t imagine introducing myself any other way. I sometimes feel like myself and I are best friends and we’ve lived our whole lives together and changing my name would have been like moving away from a really good friend. I almost hyphenated, but changed my mind in the final months before our wedding. Matt’s response was "I love my last name and would never change it, so I don’t know why you’d want to change yours." [We still don’t know what we’ll do about our future kids, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. And we’re just as in love as a couple with the same last name!]
I also wrote my history thesis on Lucy Stone, who is well known in history for being one of the first women to publically refuse to change her name. I’m not sure if Lucy inspired me or if I was already inspired and choose to research her, but I don’t think anyone should have to do something just because "that’s the way it’s always been done." Well-behaved women never make history, after all 😉
Did you change your name, or do you plan to when (IF?) you get married?
Night!
jenny says
its cool that you didnt change your name … i respect that 🙂
but i think i will change mine when i get married.
i don’t know…i’m a sociology major so i know all about the patriarchal system that this tradition surfaced from, but still………..
i just think there’s something sweet and kind of cool about taking your husband’s last name.
almost like “we are a family and its us against the world” kind of thing….you know…like a secret club that no one belongs to but us :D???
i’m a total liberal, but i’m oddly traditional about this aspect of marriage
Sammie says
I changed my name when I got married. It was so strange at first, especially in college when my professors would call me by my married name. I was so used to my maiden name that sometimes I wouldn’t respond right away. Now when I say Samantha Miller – it sounds weird. I’ve been married for almost 7 years (5/10 is my anniversary) so I guess that I am just so used to my married name now.
Shauna says
Great topic!! I changed my last name once I got married but that was only because I hated my maiden name. I hated the way it sounded and never felt it was apart of me. I wanted to change it since grade school. When I met hubby, I knew that this was the name I had always been waiting on and I couldn’t wait until it was official. It just has a nice ring to it. Shauna Kay Sam 🙂
Mastering Public Health says
Interesting discussion about name changes, for sure. I’ve met people whose parents have done the same and they have wound up with hyphenated last names. It can be confusing, but they’re certainly unique for it. Have you considered that? It would be strange to change, but, I think in the spirit of tradition, I would take my husband’s last name when the time comes. Look forward to others’ thoughts!
katiek436 says
Hey! I think I would change my last name. Honestly my last name got me made fun of for awhile by immature boys but I still love it. I am the last of my dad’s family as my sister and I are the only grand kids. While i absolutely love my family and what our name stands for like tradition. HOWEVER I would jump at the opportunity to hyphen my last name if I could!! I don’t see anything ‘wrong’ with whatever a woman chooses though!
Quick question how did you roast the apples? What temperature and how long? i think that would be a quick and easy addition to my dinners:)
Kath says
375 for ~25 minutes?
Kim says
My maiden name was always hard for my students to read and pronouce, so when I got married, it was nice to have an easier last name. As a second grade teacher who has to hear her name all day long, it’s just easier to have a simple last name. I did keep my maiden name as my middle name. Just easier for all the accounts, cards, etc. that I never changed.
Darien says
I did change my name! I love my maiden name, and always will. Duh, it’s where I came from. But I also didn’t take it as a middle name, because I love my middle name too much too. So I dropped my last name, and took my husbands. It seems so old fashioned, and I really like it. I don’t think I ever thought twice about it. My husband and I are so happy together, and as much as we are dependent on one another, we are independent in our own respects. I think he would’ve been sad if I chose not to take his surname, but he would’ve respected it. I still have a hard time getting used to it- in my line of work, we are known almost exclusively by our last names, so when people call my new name, I don’t answer about half the time! It’s gotten me a trouble once or twice… 😉
Jenn (www. j3nn.net ) says
I need to get some of that Moose BBQ sauce!! Dustin adores moose. 😀
I hyphenated my name. Sometimes I use my maiden, sometimes my marital and sometimes both. It’s convenient that way.
Jenn
Jen says
This topic is right up my alley! My mother didn’t change her name when she got married, but I was given my dad’s last name when I was born. Somehow, this caused complications, and when coupled with the fact that I wanted a “real” middle name — rather than my mother’s last name — we legally changed my name. My last name is now hyphenated, and I had the pick of my middle name. My first name, however, is still the same. 🙂
Susan says
Nope, didn’t change my name. I was 36 when I got married and pretty attached to my name. And since we aren’t having kids, no real need, although plenty of people manage to find a way to have kids with multiple names!
Kyla says
I think it just depends on how my husband’s last name will sound with mine. I can’t imagine not having my last name but then again there is something romantic about taking your husbands name, A new change for a long journey together.
Food Makes Fun Fuel says
Matt makes wheatberries sound really really good! But I think they have gluten so I probably shouldn’t try them 🙁 To wikipedia I go!
Janelle says
Great topic – I think it is cool that you didn’t change yours, but I changed mine without hesitation. Although I loved my maiden name, I felt that part of my show of commitment to my husband was taking on his name – it demonstrated that we were moving forward together, starting our own family. I hate how cumbersome hyphenating is, and feel awful for kids who have to carry that with them, so didn’t even think of that as an option.
Claire says
When I get married, I do plan on changing my last name. However, depending on when that happens and seeing that I’m a doctor, I have a feeling that (if it doesn’t happen soon!) I’ll probably be answering to BOTH names at some point! I feel like it is a show of joining my life with my husbands and another way to be one. Yes, we’ll both still be individuals…I’ll still be Claire and changing my name won’t change that…but I think that it is a good way to outwardly let people know you “belong” to each other.
Heather (Heather's Dish) says
i did change my last name, but i was the same as you and felt like i’d be losing part of me if i lost my maiden name. so i just changed it to my middle name! It’s now Heather Schoenecke Disarro, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. well, I would have hyphenated, but i thought it might be too big of a bite for strangers 🙂
Anna @ Newlywed, Newly Veg says
I “took” my husband’s name, but I use both: I always sign my name with BOTH my maiden name and my new name, and I think I always will.
The malted wheatberries sound really interesting– thanks to Matt for the explanation!
Jordan says
I did change my name when I got married. I was so in love and wanted to really be a part of my husband’s fun Irish family by taking his last name. I also went from a plain last name (Davis- love my family though!) to O’Malley.
Amy says
I live in Quebec. In the province of Quebec, women are not allowed to change their name after marraige.
As a married woman, I would have LOVED to take my husbands name. I hate the idea of not having the same last name as my children.
Call me old fashioned, but I love the idea of sharing a name with my husband and (potential)children. I think it should at least be optional. Boo Quebec.
katiek436 says
Amy that’s interesting, why does Quebec have that rule?
Ali says
Katie, I believe the reason is because Quebec uses the civil legal code, rather than the common law system in the rest of the country.
The Quebec rule says:
Both spouses keep their birth names after marriage and continue to exercise their civil rights under that name, i.e. they must use their birth name in contracts, on credit cards, on their driver’s licence, etc.
This rule applies to all spouses domiciled in Québec, even if they were married outside Québec.
However, women married before April 2, 1981 who were already using their husband’s surname before that date may continue to exercise their civil rights under their married name.”
You can read more on the government’s page at http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/maria-a.htm#names
MelanieF says
I also live in Quebec and it’s illegal to take your husband’s name. It’s been that way since 1981.
Kids usually take their father’s last name. We are really use to it here. Like Amy, I do think we should at least have the choice, even though I would never change my last name, it would be great for women who did want to change theirs.
Michelle says
It’s not illegal to change your last name, rather it’s simply not possible to do it. I’ve heard many people describe name changing as illegal, but something can’t be illegal if it’s not even possible to do it in the first place. It’s not as if people in Quebec try to change their names and get arrested for it. There is simply no process in place with which you can change your last name upon marriage.
MelanieF says
Sorry that I said illegal. You won’t get arrested if you change it, it’s just not permitted to do so, that’s what I meant to say. English is not my first language, I might do mistake in the words that I write…
Stacey@http://stacey-healthylife.blogspot.com/ says
I agree about the last name. When I got married I kept my last name. I had been that name for 25yrs and couldn’t bring myself to become someone else. I did hyphenate it for legal purposes. But in my everyday I go by my original last name.
Kathy W. says
I didn’t change my name, either. My husband’s surname is perfectly nice, but it’s not *my* name–the name I grew up with, and wrote on papers and tests throughout childhood. I’m still that girl!
(I loved Matt’s comment on changing your name! He’s def. a keeper.)
marie d says
When I get married I will definitely keep my last name, it’s who I am! Why don’t husbands change their last names? Isn’t marriage an equal partnership? While I agree that it is traditional (and perhaps romantic) for a women to take her husband’s last name, I think it’s belittling to women by stating that the husband is more important/powerful than the wife. Name changing also (unfortunately) represents the (thankfully) past cultural and institutional norms of wives as property of their husbands. This subject can get political, fast!
Lauren says
This is exactly why i wouldn’t change my last name either! I know many people think that it is romantic, but why is it that the woman always has to change her name? It used to show that the woman was the “property” of her husband and i just don’t like that aspect of it. Marriage in itself is romantic enough without changing your name…but hey to each their own! Just my personal opinion.
Jenna says
I am with both of you on this! This is the exact reason why I refused to change my last name. I know the subject can become really complicated when children are involved but I think the discussion actually presents itself with a unique opportunity to have a conversation with our children about history and progress. I am proud of my choice to keep my last name but in no way do I disrespect anyone that chooses to change their last name. 🙂
Following Julie says
But you probably have your father’s last name, right? That’s because you were technically the property of your father for the first 18 years of life (at which time it was assumed you’d marry and become the property of your husband). So if the idea of being somebody’s property is what’s bothering you, then perhaps the only solution is to make up your own last name since you’re the property of yourself. I didn’t change my last name just because I like my last name and it feels like me. It’s an interesting topic because there’s no real way out of the “property” issue aside from re-inventing yourself wtih a new name.
Kari says
I understand the argument that you do get your name from your father at birth, so you have a man’s last name…but you have to get your name from somewhere initially, you know? Plus, even if you got your name from your father at birth, it has been your name your whole life, so I would consider it “yours”. It’s an issue I feel pretty strongly about too (I loved it when I found out you kept your name, Kath!). I was torn when I was getting married…I knew I wanted to keep my name but was thinking about hyphenating….annnnd then when we went to fill out the paperwork for our marriage license, they gave me this packet of papers and things you’d need to do for a name change. The lazy part of me said “No way!” and that was that.
Like Kath and Matt, my husband also said he wouldn’t want to change his last name, so he wouldn’t expect me to either and it was totally up to me. So I ended up keeping the name. On facebook I’ve hyphenated (just for fun), but in the real world and my professional job, it’s my name all the way!
Kath says
I like to think of my last name as a creative gift by my parents. And was most certainty not my father’s property! I was my father and mother’s property until about 13 and decided I was an adult 🙂
jessica says
Your last name comes from a man at some point in the past anyway, so I don’t really see the difference. Marriage is a unity between two people so I would definitely want to share the same last name as my future husband to show we are one family.
Lisa of Lisa at Home says
Dinner looks delicious. My last name is really long! I love it since it is incredibly Italian however I’m certain I’ll change it when that special day comes.
Christy says
I felt the same way about my maiden name. It was a part of my identity and it made me feel like I belonged with my family. I was scared to let that go and create a new identity. So I kept my maiden name for about 4 years of marriage. We had moved away after our wedding and when we returned I decided that since I had to get all new paperwork anyway (drivers license, etc), I would finally change it. I am glad I did because I feel more solidified with my husband; it affected me more than I expected. 🙂
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is says
I haven’t changed my name yet. We have been married 18 months. I will probably change it once we have kids, but I really love my maiden name!
Mellissa says
I did not change my name, I felt that if we were becoming a new family we would get a new name for that family. I asked the same question to my husband, if he would change his name and he realized that if he was not comfortable changing his name why would I change mine.
I am not one to follow tradition, especially one that was not followed by every society. Most Latin American countries do not change their names and a lot of children have their mothers names.
If we do decide to have kids I am fine with them taking his last name because they are carrying on a generation and he is the last child bearing age man with that name.
Midgetkeeper says
I didn’t change my last name because well it wasn’t convenient at the time due to me not being an American citizen and I just didn’t want to complicate things even more. I am not opposed to ever changing it because my children did take no my Husband’s last name, it just hasn’t been the right time yet.
Gena says
Absolutely do not plan to change my name if I marry — unless the person I’d be marrying wanted us both to hyphenate!
Carolyn @ lovinlosing says
I changed my middle name to my maiden name and took my husband’s surname.
Wendy says
I’m reading Pat Conroy now, too! I was wondering if you’d ever read any of his books, since they’re set in South Carolina. They are so tragic, but so good. I’m reading Beach Music right now, for probably the 4th or 5th time. I just finished reading South of Broad – I thought it was good, but not as good as some of his earlier books. I love his characters!
I changed my last name when I got married, and never really considered keeping my maiden name. I’m from (and now live in) a small midwestern town, and I can’t think of anyone I know here that kept their maiden name, so I suppose it was a cultural thing for me. To me, it’s just a name – I still feel like the same person I was pre-husband. Changing my name didn’t alter my family heritage or my personal history one bit. For me, taking my husband’s name was a symbol of the unity of our marriage – though I certainly don’t believe it’s a requirement for a successful marriage. 🙂
That said, there are times I wish I had kept my name. My husband is not from here, so my married name is rather foreign to my community (as in, we’re the only ones in the phone book!) – and also rather difficult to pronounce. Heck, even after 7+ years of marriage, I still hate introducing myself because I think it’s hard to say! When I started substitue teaching at my alma mater high school, I seriously considered using my maiden name at work, for simplicity’s sake. Most of the teachers and even some of the students, remember me, and sometimes accidently call me, by my maiden name. HOWEVER, I decided that I did not need to have my entire small town speculating about the state of my marriage. 🙂
Here’s another option – my best friend just got married last year, and she changed her name so that it’s first-maiden-married name instead of first-middle-married name. I thought that was pretty cool – she got to keep both parts of her name-identity. 🙂
Kierstan says
I didn’t change my last name either. My husband wouldn’t even consider changing his last name, would he – so why should I? 🙂 We fought about it, but I told him he just had to deal with it. Kids – we’ll cross that bridge when we get there as well.
Karmen aka joy.twentysix says
Mmmm I really have to try that Tribal Moose BBQ Sauce! I’m always looking for a good one! Anyway, on to the topic at hand. I did change my name when I got married. My maiden name was cool and all, but for some reason I felt like taking his was a fun and exciting part of getting married. Not to mention, Karmen Vázquez sounds pretty cool. The funny thing is, my husband is half Puerto Rican and half Colombian, and by virtue of culture the father’s name and the mother’s maiden name are considered the full last name. Pretty cool huh?
Cynthia (It All Changes) says
I took my husbands name. I wanted to since as a teacher I had seen the problems it caused when parents and children didn’t have the same name and it was one thing he really wanted. And in our profession as pastors it would be strange to have separate names when we work in the same church.
It was kind of easy to get adjusted to because we got married right before we moved into a new town and a new church so everyone called me that. Now I don’t even recognize my old name. It just sounds weird.
Kara says
Hi Kath, you should visit Asheville! It is beautiful.Plus there is hiking trails….the downtown area is pretty neat……and wine tasting. Maybe you could look into staying in a bed & bath—that would be romantic. 🙂
Kath says
I’ve been many times! And we always stay in B&Bs 🙂
Wendy says
Sorry, I just realized I wrote you a book!
Also, I have two friends who got married and combined their two last names into one unique surname that they both took. Pretty cool, I think!
Liz says
I changed my name. I grew up with a different last name than my mother because she remarried and I absolutely hated it. I didn’t want the same for my children.
Emmalinda says
My husband and I BOTH changed our names. Our legal last name is MyLastName HisLastName with a space in between. When we went to the Social Security Office, we got laughed at when we said we were both changing our names, but we stuck by it! It does occasionally cause confusion, since it’s not hyphenated, but I think it is worth it. I like that we are our own family now with our own unique last name. I am the only person in my office to do something like this…my co-workers think it’s really cool and have asked lots of questions.
Following Julie says
Imagine if you have a child and they do the same thing. Talk about a long name! After a few generations the last name will look something like “Jones Mitchell Ballard Stewart Smith Webb Johnson Holm Brown” Try filling out the bubbles on a standardized test form with that name!
Jill says
So, you’re just trying hard to make it a point that you disapprove of other people’s choices?! haha
Kara M. says
Thanks for sharing this! My beau and I are a little ways off from getting hitched, but I already know I don’t want to change my name. I feel the same way you do about it…I just don’t think I’d feel right changing or hyphenating. Basically, I feel I already have a great name and it’s me. 🙂
Christie says
I changed my last name and made my maiden name my middle name. It seemed like the right thing to do and I was really excited about doing it. Maybe embarking on marriage was like a new life for me so the new name symbolized it? It’s hard for me to imagine having my maiden name again.
Jess says
I never liked my given last name, especially since I have a name-twin who is very vocal online about some controversial issues and whose hate mail I would occasionally receive in error. I also happened to publish a lot of creative work under that name, and was used to people getting me and my name twin confused.
When I went into dietetics, I wanted a little privacy and separation of personal and professional. I felt like my patients didn’t need to be able to read a bunch of my poems or worry I’d write about them, and I also didn’t want to have to explain to prospective patients that I wasn’t my name-twin. So I took my grandmother’s ‘maiden name, since I wanted to keep it in the family.
I’ve been with my partner a long time, and even though we’ve been living together for a few years, I don’t have plans to get married in the near future. Haha maybe after my dietetic internship or one day when I have time and/or money. If and when that happens, I plan to keep my name. It’s not that I don’t like his last name…I just like mine better ; )
And besides, changing it again would be kind of a pain…
Veggielady4life says
I loved my maiden name, but I did change it when I got married. My husband and I are both med students, and we wanted the same name in case we have a practice together. Also… I think I’m just old-fashioned. 🙂
Annie@stronghealthyfit says
I think it’s interesting to see what women do with their names when they get married and why. I changed mine because I never particularly liked my last name, and people would always mispronounce it (Lalish- Lay-lish). My married name is Mathe, which people still pronounce (Math-ay), but I like it because it is my mother-in-law’s maiden name. My husband wasn’t raised by his biological father, so he was given her name. I like the matrilineal aspect, what can I say, I’m a Women’s Studies student 🙂
Kelly says
I had a quite a struggle with the name change, I really didn’t want to do it but eventually decided to because if/when we have kids I want us all to have the same last name. I think it’ll make them feel as though we’re all in the same little tribe.
Heather says
I have no plans to change my name if I get married. Maybe I will hyphenate, and if I end up marrying a man, maybe I’ll see if he wants to add mine to his 🙂
Carly says
Hey Kath! I don’t usually comment, but I felt like I had to on this. I did not change my name when I got married, I felt that I would lose part of myself. I did this though with the intention of changing it sometime (when we had kids, etc.). We don’t have kids yet, but we have been married over five years and I don’t plan on changing it, I feel that I made the right decision. It just doesn’t seem fair that the woman is expected to change her name. Luckily, my husband is cool with it, but I still get strange comments from some of my friends. I love Lucy Stone as well!
Jenna says
I love my family and my last name even though it isn’t the prettiest name. My plan once I get married is to drop my middle name because it has no familial significance and make my maiden name my new middle name.
Ann @ Appalachian Appetites says
I think you should definitely vacation in Asheville 🙂
Megan says
If you guys are going to Asheville, I have to recommend the bed and breakfast we just stayed at a few weeks ago–the 1900 Inn on Montford. It was so luxurious! And the breakfasts were great (although not at all healthy!) We actually got engaged on that trip 🙂
I’m undecided about whether to keep my maiden name or not. I’ll have my J.D. in a few weeks, which will show my maiden name and, because we’re waiting more than a year to get married, my law license will too. If I take his name, I won’t get rid of mine entirely — I’ll be Megan Middle Maiden Married — with the two in the middle considered “middle names.”
Kath says
I think we already have one picked out, but I’ll check out Inn on Montford. Congrats on engagement!
Chelsea says
I changed my name but my maiden name became part of my middle name. I hyphenated though so that I could have the AWESOME initials of CAT. Silly, eh? I changed it because I looked at my marriage as a new beginning and a time to create OUR family. I wanted to keep my maiden name with me but at the same time I was ready to be one with Shaun and start our history together. Sounds silly but it really did mean something to me. I actually tried to keep my maiden name professionally (I am a linguist after all and my maiden name is Lingo) and after about a year it didn’t seem right to be called “Chelsea Lingo” so I changed it professionally as well.
I completely respect your decision to keep your maiden name. To each their own!
Julie @savvyeats says
Even though I love my last name, I plan to change it when I get married (in 34 days…hooray!) I am very excited to officially become “Mrs. Grice.” 🙂
Lisa says
Interesting topic, especially since my husband changed his last name to mine. He had a great name, but brought the subject up to me when we were engaged. His reasoning was that it was a shame that his mom’s name died out since she was one of three girls. And since I was one of three girls, it was also an unfair situation as well. He honored me by taking my last name. (Note: he has a brother with kids, and cousins with the same last name, whereas there were no more of my name out there.) Though his family was shocked, his father completely disappointed, and there are still a few roars from his side of the family, we survived the transition (been married for nine years now) and feel great about my husband’s pioneer decision. He’s a keeper!
Runeatrepeat says
LOVE this answer 🙂 That is so romantic.
Amber K says
That is so neat! It is rare, but I agree, very romantic.
Erin (Travel, Eat, Repeat) says
I can’t imagine changing my name–it’s been my name for 24 years, longer by the time I eventually get married, so why would I want to become “someone else”?
Alex says
I absolutely love your blogs! I read them religiously 🙂 Where do you find all these yummy recipes?
Check out my blog! It’s new! Let me know if you have any advice. 🙂
Lauren @ Reading and Running says
I definitely imagine myself changing my name. I don’t have a boyfriend/fiance so I suppose if I fell in love with someone with a very ODD last name I might consider NOT changing it but my last name is not my favorite! Owens just has an odd connotation here in DFW. There are lots of Owens’ Sausage restaurants here and of course everyone knows the sausage brand. There is actually an Owens’ Farm in my town! Not the best, not the worst. So I hope I meet someone with a wonderful last name 🙂
Brie (The Fit Bride) says
I’m getting married in less than two weeks (OMG!) and I’m taking my fiance’s last name. I’m not really attached to my dad’s family at all–in fact, I don’t really like them–so I’m kind of glad to be rid of my old name. Also, my current last name is also a female first name, so I’m constantly having people address me thinking my last name is my first, which gets annoying.
Plus, my fiance’s name sounds much better than my current one. But, I felt no pressure to change it and if circumstances were better, I’d keep it.
Madeleine says
I don’t plan on changing my last name because I love it and it suits me completely and I’m so close with my family. For me last names are all about a family connection. But the funny thing is that I’m so close to my boyfriend’s family that it wouldn’t feel weird to have their last name either.
I’m still keeping the original name, though 🙂
Alison says
the malt berries look so good! I will have to stop at my hops shop and see if I can find some.
I did change my name. Just went with the flow I guess. I do prefer my maiden name – SO much easier.
Staci says
I changed my name when I got married – went from a long German name to a long Danish name. I was excited to take my husband’s name, but could’ve kept my maiden name.–I just went with it!
Lisa says
I got married 18 months ago.
I haven’t changed it yet….But, I plan on it soon. I was waiting for my passport to expire so that I could change everything at once.
Mostly for our kids sake( That aren’t even conceived yet) Also, because I just think it makes you feel more married….if that makes any sense…..
Kristie S says
Of course I changed my last name and love it! I wanted to be part of my husband and his family and what better way to show that devotion than to take his name. I have had my husbands name for 10+ years so it more weird now when people call me by my maiden name. I also wanted to have the same name as our child. It’s really complicated to explain to society and even worse your child why you don’t have the same name. I personally hate the hyphenated name. I mean pick one already!
Jil @ Peace, Love & Munchies says
I’m not married – but 1. I think it would depend on my guys last name. and 2. I like being a Murphy – people know I’m Irish…it’s an automatic “Ahhh a Murphy!” when I’m introduced. Who knows…whoever I meet/marry…could change my mind.
Emilie @ One Mom in Maine says
I am sooooo confused about malted wheatberries, but it looks delicious. I just ate a bunch of tofu marinated and baked in soy sauce, but I’ll do it in bbq sauce next time. Thanks for the idea!
I did change my name when i got married for the sole reason that I wanted the same last name as my kids. I know lots of moms who did, and lots who didn’t change their name, and it’s totally individual choice. Our last name is Manhart, and my kids love to say: “We’re Manharts!” And I love that.
Have a great night!
Hangry Pants says
My philosophy of women teacher was getting married when she was my teacher. She and her husband created a hybrid name out of each of their’s! I am not sure what I will do. I kind of like my name and all my friends always called me my first + last name all the time.
Kath says
Obviously your last name should be Hangrypants!
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says
I LOVE your broccoli + apple salad combo! That looked delicious! 🙂
I changed my name when I got married, but I tackled with the decision for a while. I’ve very traditional, so I never really doubted that I wouldn’t change it. But the whole week before our wedding, I was getting all nervous and emotional because I was nervous that by “changing my name” I’d be changing “me”. Well, luckily, it was just a little pre-wedding jitters, and I’m very happy with my decision now. Actually, I think the person having the hardest time with it still is my dad!
Laura says
I did change my name, but only after 3 years of being married. I wasn’t going to but I kept having people say to me ‘oh, I thought you were married’ when they saw or heard my name, and I kept getting mail in my married name anyway. We also decided it would be much less confusing when we have kids if mum and dad have the same name. I still have the same initials so thats kind of cool. At first it took a bit of getting used to, my husband really hates our surname, but its quite an unusual and unique name, so it has really grown on me and left me with a cool nickname, which is something I never had!
emmy says
SO funny that this is your topic today, because I was just online last night trying to figure out HOW to change my name (I will be getting married this summer). I love my maiden name, but I am a traditionalist at heart, so name change it is!
Also funny, because Asheville is our favorite quick-weekend-getaway desitination. Hiking, farmer’s market, shoe shopping….and there is nothing like a sprirulina sunrise, harmony bowl, and microbrew at Laughing Seed (my favorite restaurant EVER). I don’t know where you usually like to stay, but I have a suggestion for an AWESOME rental condo (with cool kitchen, wine-sipping patio, and crate-and-barrel decor) if you are looking for something unique….
Kath says
I LOVE Laughing Seed. Matt says we have to try something new though. Any suggestions?
emmy says
Have you been to Tupelo Honey?
http://www.tupelohoneycafe.com/
That is my fiance’s favorite, so we always compromise and go there once during our visit. We’ve also tried Early Girl Eatery because we had heard awesome things about it, but we were not terribly impressed with the taste and quality of the food.
Kath says
We have been and liked it! But it wasn’t quite original enough for a return trip…yet 🙂
Also have never been to Early Girl b/c the food looks so “down home greasy spoonish” but maybe it deserves a visit!
emmy says
Yeah, I understand what you mean about Tupelo Honey. It is good, but who needs another shrimp and grits / biscuits combo? (um, my fiance, I guess) I consent only because it buys me unlimited visits to Laughing Seed 🙂 And, yes, your outside assessment of Early Girl is definitely correct!
It also occurred to me to mention Rezaz and Enoteca – it’s near the condo where we usually stay, and I’ve always wanted to try it just to see what it might be like (and to take good advantage of the Enoteca!!!). Maybe you’ve been there already but, if not, it might be worth a look. It’s in Biltmore Village across from that fancy McDonald’s.
http://www.rezaz.com
Kath says
Looks really nice!!
I also found these two that look really good:
http://www.posanacafe.com/menu/dinner
http://www.figbistro.com
emmy says
oooooooooo….nice! I particuarly love the menu at Posana. I’ll be really interested to see where you end up and what you think. We could use a new suggestion or two, ourselves.
Rose-Anne says
Malted wheat berries! Food nerd alert! I love it.
I definitely will NOT change my last name if I ever marry. First of all, I’ll be super-old when that happens because I’m 28 now (ancient, right?). Professionally, as time passes, my last name becomes more important to my identity because of publications and name recognition. And finally, as someone with a hyphenated first name, I can tell you from experience that hyphens are a pain. I do like my name, but my head would implode if I had a hyphenated first name AND a hyphenated last name.
Really, I think the most important thing is that a woman and her partner feel empowered to make their own decision about the name thing. It’s complicated and there are good reasons on both sides of the decision. So I’m agnostic about other people’s choices here 🙂
There. I’ve written another novel in the KERF comments. Hee hee!
lynn (The Actors Diet) says
i didn’t change my name – i am asian, my husband is not, and i wanted to keep a sense of my cultural identity, plus i use it professionally for acting. that said, when we have kiddies i want us all to have the same last name and i will NOT do a hyphenate (my husband already has both of his parents and that would be crazy). we are thinking of making one last name…what do you think of “chenwald?!” it’s kinda a joke at this point (our dog has it) but we may seriously do it one day…
jenna says
wow! that wheatberry salad looks delish!!
Leah @ L4L says
I’m getting married next month and I’m totally changing my last name. I have no good memories or associations with my last name so the new one will really mark starting a new life on the better foot. Also, it makes paperwork so much easier. I’m an administrative assistant and couples with different last names are so confusing/complicated just in little things like addressing a letter! I wish that upon no one! I want to make our lives as easy as possible.
emily says
I have a word name too – Wax – and there was no way I was giving it up! Plus my husband’s last name is a bit tricky to spell, so we always use my name for reservations and the like. We do plan on giving our future kids husband’s last name though.
Nora@LiveLifeEatRight says
AH! I was randomly craving BBQ tofu today too! Unfortunately I had a ton of work to do so it was a college dining hall meal for dinner instead :(. This looks great and I’m dying to give that wheat berry salad a try! Looks fantastic!
Gretchen says
I changed my name, and have been married for 9.5 years. Wouldn’t have had it any other way, and honestly didn’t even consider not changing it. I guess I’m just traditional from that stand point… now the one thing I wouldn’t do at our wedding was have the part in the vows that said “obey”… not gonna happen! There are some things that I will do out of tradition, but others I won’t. I just want to be a happily married wife and mom, so that’s what I strive for.
ri'chele says
Kath,
Once again a great topic. I chose to take my husband’s as it is a musical instrument, that I play. So this was quite meaningful for us. Also my Swedish surname has always been confusing as it includes diacritics. We plan to remain in the states and as Anglo names is easier for future generations, provided they choose to use it. We Swedes are quite compliant with others wishes. We will name our first child my surname as a first name.
Kristin says
I am engaged and have been asked about changing my name so. many. times. It’s kind of odd how often people have asked me! Professionally and personally!
I will not be changing my name for 2 reasons. 1) I love my name and it breaks my heart to change it. My parents picked my name with care and with love, and I do not want to erase that. 2) My mom didn’t change her name and as a kid, I thought it was so totally cool that I vowed that I would do the same. When I was little, I loved to ask her why she didn’t change her name, even though I already knew the reason. Sometimes she would tell me the (sad) history of the institution of marriage and the injustices women suffered for centuries. Other times, she would boil it down to a succinct explanation– I am not your father’s property!
Chelsea (Chelsea's Chew and Run Fun) says
First of all, that dinner looks amazing. I just tried wheat berries for the first time this past year and absolutely love them. Thank you for that malt breakdown on their digestive efficiency. Very good to know!
As for last names, I don’t think I could change mine. I’m a pretty pig-headed, independent woman. I never let men tell me what to do, so taking a man’s last name would feel like I was giving him ownership over a huge part of me. That sort of feeling just doesn’t mesh well with my feminist philosophies and core beliefs. I don’t judge those that do take their husbands name, I understand that there are plenty of reasons why you would want to do so…it’s just a personal decision/preference.
Liz says
I, like you Kath, am very attached to my last name. Many friends refer to me by first and last name always when talking to me and I am the last in my family to have my last name. I will always be a Barley whether I change my name or not but when I got married I had a long conversation with my husband and his family about not wanting to take my husbands name. They were and are ok with this. Our son who will be 2 in June has my husbands last name and will “carry” the name along with him. I only wish I could pass my name along to one of my children as well.
Hillary [Nutrition Nut on the Run] says
You & Matt are always so creative in the kitchen! I would have never come up with a broccoli apple maple salad…and it seems as though you hardly use recipes – that’s talent.
I love my name too, and can’t imagine changing it. We’ll see when the time comes : )
Runeatrepeat says
We’ve spoke about this before, but I wanted to chime in…
I didn’t change my name. Nope. I like my name and it connects me to my Hispanic culture. I didn’t want to change my name to something that wouldn’t represent my culture.
Jennifer says
Without hesitation I took my husband’s last name and I was honored to do so, but I was also very attached to my maiden name, Riley. I decided to drop my “middle” name and use Riley as my middle name. Also, when my daughter was born 10 months ago, we named her Riley.
Marci says
Hey Kath,
Like you, I did not change my name when I got married in December 2008. To some people, it was like I was breaking a law or like I didn’t completely love my husband. “To each their own” is something my Grandma used to say…
colleen says
I hyphenated my last name b/c I was such a daddies girl and I am very loyal to my family, and I really didn’t like my husbands last name. I gave both my girls my last name for more than one reason including that they are girls…if one had been a boy I most likely would have given them his name, but now that we are separated it makes it nice that us 3 girls have the same name and my Dad was there for us girls, when I was first separated, so It is a nice tribute to him. BTW my ex-husband has never told his family my girls don’t have his last name so they address mail to them with his last name….. ….. I asked my girls 6 & 19 if they are going to change their last name when they get married and both said Yes! oh well…free agency is a great thing!
Lisa @bakebikeblog says
I changed my name when I got married without hesitation. Mr BBB still calls me by my maiden name though – too cute 🙂
marie-france says
I’m never changing my name!! My first name is French Canadian, as is my surname (which is pretty unique actually) so I wouldn’t change it. When I have kids they would have their father’s surname, hyphens would be too complicated!! I was actually pretty annoyed when my cousin got married and his wife changed her last name cuz we have the same first name and now there are ‘two’ of us in the family.
Also, I’m had my name for 23 years old, so why would I change it only for a guy who I’ve only known a fraction of that?
Carrie (Love Healthy Living) says
100% agree with you on the name change thing. Thought about it but decided to keep my name as is. My husband and I now consider ourselves our own little family, we just have different last names!
Nikole says
I love Asheville! My husband was there for business and I tagged along a couple of months ago. We had some fabulous wine at the Biltmore winery and the food was wonderful. I would highly recommend Tupelo Honey’s for dinner. Their biscuits and homemade jam are amazing! Also there is the chocolate lounge with to die for desserts and hot chocolate.
Angela (ohsheglows) says
I changed my name but only because I liked Eric’s last name. I always said if my furture husband had a less than desirable last name, I wouldn’t change it. 😉 I still prefer my old last name tho! I do miss it…
To be honest, I still haven’t changed all my documents over…oops!
Ella says
Interesting question about changing names. My mom kept her maiden name, and so did many of the others mothers I grew up around in the progressive Pacific Northwest – so that’s what I was used to. It took me a while to adjust to the idea of a husband and wife sharing a last name. After all, they’re not siblings! It seemed weird. That said, when I got married at 22, I decided to take my husband’s last name. As my sister-in-law said, “you just go from one man’s name to another’s, what’s the difference,” which is a provoking thought. However, I made my maiden name my middle name, and now use all three (First Maiden Married) on papers, for work, etc. I consider both names equally a part of me.
Ginna says
I changed mine without hesitation! I of course love my maiden name too but my brothers will hopefully carry on that name. My married name I love! I was so proud to inherit it for my last name and can’t wait to carry on its tradition!
Betsy says
I am planning on changing my name when I get married, but I love that woman have a choice to do so or not! I think changing your last name is a very personal thing and shouldn’t be decided by anyone other than the person whose name would be changing.
KVH says
Hi Kath! Just thought I would comment on the name changing. I always wondered about your last name — if you had changed it and just used your maiden for blog purposes, which I guess is just kind of silly, come to think of it! I did change my name when I got married. My hubs has a great last name, although much more popular than my maiden name. But, my maiden name was wonderful too. It is where I came from, and sometimes I really miss it since I am the only person in my immediate family now with a different last name. But, after almost 3 years of marriage, it is weird if people use my maiden name — and as a teacher, I can’t imagine my students calling me anything else than my married name. (And, my favorite nickname is now my initials because they’re so fancy!) :o) Your wheatberry salad looks amazing — I wish Matt had his blog still, because his brewing and baking segments fascinate me!
Casey says
Yep, I will be Casey R in 45 days! Taking Kevin’s name!
Amber K says
I got married in Oct ’06 and have not changed my last name. I did not feel like I should just because I’m “supposed” to.
My husband is perfectly okay with this, his mother had never taken his father’s last name. So to him, it wasn’t weird and he thinks I should do whatever makes me happy. He has asked if we have any boys that they have his last name. He said the girls could have mine. But personally, I’d like all of my children to have the same last name. I want to give my future kids my last name as one of their middle names and then my husband’s last name.
I thought about hyphenating too, but a 12 letter last name with a hyphen in the middle is overkill to me. =P
Hannah says
Not that I’m going to get married any time soon… but my boyfriend and I plan on getting married once we’re both done with college. He really wants me to change my last name. I’m sort of traditional in that I want to have the same last name as him. But, to be really honest it sounds sort of funny with my first name! I definitely like the sound of my first name with my last name better, but maybe I’ll get used to his over time? Haha… I’d feel like another person!
Morgan says
I didn’t change my name when we got married! Mostly because of laziness. I keep telling my husband I will someday…(its been 5 yrs). But I totally agree with you. It feels weird to suddenly change your name, when you are the same person you’ve always been. My family thinks its strange and have put little astericks next to my name in the family tree. Its always fun when people ask what my maiden name was, or call my husband by my last name. But, I’m not being a feminist or saying anything against the tradition. I’m just more comfortable with my last name and am daunted by the mountian of paperwork/steps to change my name.
dawn says
i love this topic. i kept my name when i got married… for several reasons: it’s my name and i love it, i’m not much of a traditionalist, and his last name just does not sound good with my first name. i received a lot of criticism, but i don’t care. we are both comfortable with my decision, so that’s all that matters. although i love to quote “scrubs” and say that we have “one of those modern marriages where they don’t love each other.” 🙂
erin says
I’m keeping my maiden name when I get married next year. There’s nothing wrong with his name, but it just sounds too similar to my first name, and anyone who says it sounds kind of sing-songy and ridiculous. Plus, my maiden name is bold and strong-sounding (and I believe it actually means ‘strong’ in Swedish, though I might be wrong!).
Our kids will have his surname, and my maiden name as their second middle name – so it will be FirstName MiddleName MyMaidenName HisSurname.
L says
I did not change my name when I got married. My (now) husband wasn’t okay with it at first. I told him I would change my name only if he would go with me to social security office and the DMV as well as assist me with everything else that goes along with it. He said he didn’t mind if I kept it because it sounded like a lot of work to change it!
Lara (Thinspired) says
I changed my name, but I kept my maiden name as my middle name. No hyphen. Honestly, I would have gone either way. To me, it’s just a name. Nothing anyone calls me will ever change who I am or the relationship I have with myself, or with my husband.
Gretchen says
I like this! It is just a name :)!
Colleen says
I agree! It was especially helpful on social networking sites…if someone didn’t know my married name then they probably didn’t need to connect with me anyway. Plus, people close to me still call me by my maiden name. I didn’t feel like changing my last name would change me in any shape or form…and quite honestly I love how thrilled my husband was when I took his name, and I loved the extra connection I felt to him.
Nicole says
I did change mine- I kept my middle name as well. So I went from Nicole Alicia B______ to Nicole Alicia P____. I never did know my father so I thought it was pointless to keep the name of a family that was not really mine. I am super proud to have my last name now because there is a family to go with it.
Bronwyn says
Keeping my name (when if, I eventually get married). No way around it. I couldn’t imagine life as anyone but me. No other last name will do. Bronwyn Anne Coyne, has such a nice ring to it.
Kate says
I’m getting married in 6 months and I am not changing my name. My fiance would be happy with whatever I decided and I have always wanted to keep my name.
It is surprising to people and they usually assume that I will be taking his name when we get married. One of my cousins got really mad and told me not to be surprised when she didn’t know what to call me after I got married. I am not sure why other people are so invested in my name.
Molly says
Hi – love the topic
I chose to change my name for a slightly different reason. After my parents divorced my mom went back to her maiden name- it was symbolic for her, but to me was a big change. I want my children to share a family last name (either paternal or maternal). That being said, I took my maiden name as my middle name. I appreciate the choice to do whatever you feel! Would you ever want Matt to change his last name?
Jill Will Run says
I love my maiden name, but my husband said he would be sad if I refused his name. So I started using my maiden name as a frequently used middle name, but now I use my married name. I still love my maiden name and sometimes refer to myself by it… even after almost 9 years of marriage. I guess I was primarily okay with taking his name because I like the idea of our future children and us all having the same last name.
Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter says
I’m definitely changing my last name when I get married. We aren’t going to add one more syllable to my last name!
Megan says
I always thought that I would keep my maiden name but as I get older I am leaning towards changing it when I get married. I’ve always thought my last name is kinda funny and if something comes along that I think is better then why not. As Shakespeare said, “what’s in a name?” I feel like I know who I am it doesn’t really matter. Plus, it might be kinda fun to take on a different name. I’ve never known anything else and I am always up to try something new.
Connie says
I didn’t change my name either. We had been together a long time (13 years) and I was older when we married. I was like– hmm- don’t want the hassle. Also- our last names start with the same letter but his is much longer and harder to spell/pronounce- But hey the monogramming works.
sassy molassy says
The wheatberry trick sounds interesting. Flava sounds good! I plan on changing my last name but mostly just out of convenience and the fact that I don’t feel especially drawn to my own last name. I have friends though who have made the decision to keep their names and it doesn’t really matter.
Anne @ Food Loving Polar Bear says
I don’t think I’ll change my name if I get married, I have such an unusual lastname and there are only 4-5 of us in Finland and it’s really a big part of my identity. Anyway, I’m not sure I’ll get married, I believe you can have a relationship for life without getting married 🙂
Kellie says
I changed mine just because I liked his better.
BTW- I am impressed with Matt’s defination and explanation.
Tiffany says
When I was in 6th grade both my parents remarried. I had step-siblings and step-parents and we all had different names and it BUGGED! I was always fending questions about the names and as a teen it just didn’t set well. When I got married I took my husband’s name, but I changed my middle name to my maiden name. When we have kids I’ll give our kids my maiden name as well as my husband’s last name. So my family will be represented, but I’ll feel like we all have one common family name. Who knew a “Crazy Californian” could be more traditional than a “Southern Belle”. 😉
Taysa (Water, Butter and Wine) says
If/when I get married, I won’t be changing my name. It’s MY name after all. I just think the tradition is too old-fashioned and patriarchal for me.
Hannah says
I’ve never come close to having to think about it seriously, but I’m with you, Kath – I’d like to keep my name. And I REALLY value Matt’s response. You really found a keeper there, didn’t you? 😀
Anne says
My last name is the coolest last name ever (there’s a Saint involved), but I changed it on a whim about a year after I got married. Why? I was (am) impulsive, and I wanted to shock people. It worked, but 14 years later, I’m still not used to it. I change my signature all the time! Gah! The benefits are that my new name is at the front of the alphabet… and that I have the same name as my husband and kids. That doesn’t matter much, but it is kind of cool.
SallyH @ acountablelife.wordpress.com says
I did not change my name when I got married. It bothered me in the big picture that women are required to “give something up” and assume someone else’s “thing” when they marry. And even though I’m not crazy about my last name, it was mine and I felt like it will always be a tribute to who I am. We did think about hyphenating, and I think we would have had our names not been so similar, something akin to Jensen-Hansen. I do think marriage is about partnering, so I think I would have been happy with that. Our son has my husband’s last name in part because it is easier to say and spell and puts him near the top of any list (starts with A) but also because my husband’s family is larger and more stable than mine and I like that my son is an integrated part of that family by name. And finally, we gave my son a middle name that runs in the family so as not to completely lose that family tree. The only regret I have about keeping my last name is that there is something pretty cool about your whole immediate little family being one singular unit, if only symbolically.
Camille says
I DO plan to change my name when I get married… and here’s why…
My parents gave me a crazy hyphenated last name that doesn’t fit on any paper work. I have been dying to change it forever! 🙂
Diana says
Nop, I wouldn’t change mine. My family gave it to me and I love it. 🙂
Freya @ Brit Chick Runs says
Roasted apple- great idea!!
I think I would change my name if I got married – but that’s only cos I hate my surname, and don’t wantto be connected to my dad anymore! (We don’t speak). BUT I do think it’s nice when people keep their own too 🙂
Bubblej says
If we can get our acts together for 10 seconds and get married… I will be keeping my last name. My boyfriends last name is Smith. And my name is Jessica. 2 Hugly common names, I just couldn’t do it. I like to think of myself as unique, I couldn’t have such a…normal name! I don’t have a family attachment to my last name or anything, but its mine and its me. When we first discussed it he was OK with me keeping my last name, but now isn’t so sure, so if it REALLY bothers him I will hypenate (my last name is only 4 letters, so it wouldn’t be a huge name)
Angel31@keepingslimandgettingstylish says
I went doubled barrelled when I got married (Laura Agar Wilson, I didn’t want to lose the Agar as I feel its quite an unusual name) some people still make judgements about me having a double barrelled name (I don’t know if its different in the US but in the UK people think your posh or stuck up!) But to be honest I really don’t care what people think, anyone who judges someone based on their name isn’t worth worring about it anyway!
Run Sarah says
Love the idea of adding apples to roasted veg for some sweetness. I didnt change my last name – I absolutely love mine and feel like it would be changing part of who I am.
Maja says
Great discussion ! Dedicated reader of your blog, first time commenter. I didn’t change my last name and my husband is fine with it. I agree with you about how I feel about my name and identity. I also think it’s a archaic tradition, unfair to women. You don’t have to change your name to have the same last name as your kids. We already have ideas about what to do when we have kids: we will either give all kids both mine and his last name without a hyphen, or we might give the girls my last name and the boys my husband’s last name.
Laura says
I’m not sure you’ll get this far in the comments- at least I hope not, as it would have taken you ages! I have slightly shallow reasons for changing my name if I ever were to get married- I would change my name because I dislike my current surname a lot, and since it will (hopefully) be used quite frequently when a qualify as a doctor, having it emblazoned on a door, I’d rather have a nicer sounding one?! If I do though, our surname will ‘die out’ as I only have a sister+don’t have any cousins! I wouldn’t change my surname if it meant something to me- for instance both my Mum’s maiden names are those of the Scottish and Irish clans that her side of the family come from. Also, in England, double barrelled surnames are generally regarded to have upper class connotations, so I wouldn’t want to go there! Both you and Matt write very eloquently! Have you thought of doing dietetic research in the form of a doctorate? I bet your thesis would be beautifully written and set out! Have a lovely, brain-challenging day 😉
Kath says
Thank you! I don’t think getting a doctorate would be worth the financial investment!
Marika says
I’m going to change my last name when I marry my man. I’ve always been kind of sad that my last name is really short and doesn’t mean anything, but my boyfriend’s last name is a word (a Finnish word, but still!).
Sarah@Walk Ride Days says
I have kept my name and for a variety of reasons while my husband is proud of his last name he has less family connection to it and so he and I are both very proud that our two daughters have my last name. The older daughter has his mother’s maiden name and our younger daughter is named after his beloved grandmother who cared for him as a child and died far to young when he was only 10
Maja says
I love the way you’ve come up with the daughters’ names !
Julia @ British Bride says
I know what you mean about the last name. Mine is Smith, but I still want to keep it. However, it is really important to FH that I change to his name in October – so I am going to do so.
Decisions decisions!
Julia
British Bride
Lauren says
Such an interesting question! I changed my last name when my husband and I got married, but I also changed my middle name to my maiden name. I felt as though that was a happy compromise – if I use my current full name, old friend will still recognize my maiden name :).
My brother and sister-in-law are both published (in research journals) geology professors, so my sister-in-law kept her maiden name. Their kids have my brother’s last name, but I don’t think it’s written in stone that you must do that.
The malted wheatberries sound so interesting. Thanks for the explanation, Matt!
Ana says
I didn’t change my name either! Have been married for 10 years and have a 8 year old, he has a first name, then my last name and then my husband’s last name. I am Brazilian and this is usually how we do it there as far as naming your kids, the child gets both parent’s last names with the dad’s being the very last. There is no real thing about having to have a “middle name” in Brazil, when you have a second name you are said to have two names, the first and the second (as opposed to a middle name).
My son was born here in the US and we never had a problem with it.
Don’t stress over when you have kids, the last name will be the last of your worries!!
Just be a happy mom and your kid will love whatever comes from you and Matt!
Ana
M says
I agree with you Kath, and I very much respect women who choose to change their names. It’s just not for me, and my reasons are similar. Historically, name-changing means that women are property and assume the identity of their husbands. I know it’s not like that anymore, but it still resonates with me.
There is one thing that muddies it up a little — my father is NOT a good person. I hate having his name or being associated with his family. I’m currently stuck with his name (which, in itself, is hugely patriarchal. I’m not sticking it to the system by having my father’s last name!), and I am actually considering changing it, perhaps to my mother’s last name. (Again, that’s her father’s last name, so there’s no real rebellion here.) Throw in that kids teased me for my name and no one can pronounce it, and I’m thisclose to saying, feminist principles, be damned!
Kate B. says
I’m not sure whether or not I will change my name. My Mum didn’t, she told me that it was because she likes her last name and when my parents got married she was just starting her career and didn’t want to go through all the paperwork again. My Dad was more than ok with that, of course, and my Mum mentioned that when they had kids she would change her name. When I was born they just decided that it wasn’t something that needed to be done and I have never looked at my Mum and been confused as to why she didn’t change her name, I’ve always thought it was cool! With regards to what they did for mine and my brother’s last name, we have my Dad’s last name and I have never questioned it once. I’ve never heard a story where they had a hard time deciding what to do with out last names. If they had hyphenated it that would have sounded cool too.
I like my last name, I am one of very few females with this last name, between me and my Aunt on my Dad’s side there are no other girls (I’m 26 and she is 80). Cool huh?
Lauren says
I just got married on March 6 and I did change my name. I’m very much a traditionalist in that way, and knowing that my husband and I want a big family we didn’t want to deal with hyphenating names, or choosing which name works best for the kids. Also, I love his last name so much more than my maiden name. I love my family, but our name is somewhat unusual. I do commend you on your decision though. I truly think it really depends on the person and what works for them.
Alison says
I did change my name when I got married, but I still regret it, nearly 14 years later. Mostly because I had an awesome maiden name, which is now my legal middle name, and my husband’s last name is the most boring, most common name last name out there. Upon changing my name, I didn’t feel like I lost my identity, but that also could be because I married VERY young and didn’t have much of an identity then. I’ve grown so much since I’ve been married, that perhaps I’ve grown into my married name more than I ever could with my maiden name. But what is done, is done and I’ll be a Smith till death do us part!
Candice says
I did not change my name. My husband was hesitant at first and he still doesn’t love it. But we compromised. Professionally, I use my name, but socially, I use his. His family, and a lot of mine, don’t know that I did not change my name. When we send cards, gifts, etc., we use his name. As for children, the kids will have his name. Giving him that was the biggest reason we were able to agree. My name was important to me, but I’m not as concerned about passing it to my children. Passing his name on to his children was more important to him. I’m not opposed to hyphenation, but our names do not hyphenate well together, so that was not an option for me, or for our kids.
Allison says
I changed my last name because I didn’t want the kids to have to deal with either a hypenated last name (what happens when all these kids with hypenated last names start marrying other kids with hypenated last names?) or a last name that was different from mine. Too much explaining to do.
Stephanie says
I did, actually, but mostly because my husband’s last name is so much easier than mine. My maiden name was Bueltel, which was ALWAYS said or spelled wrong! (Beau-tell). My last name now is Hobbs. SO much easier! But I can completely understand not wanting to change your name!
Therese says
I thought about it and I think I’ve decided that I will hyphenate my name, I’d like to keep my maiden name on paper but as for introducing myself I think I’m actually alright with going with whatever my maiden name will be (and if it’s going in the right direction as it is now, I’ll definitely be alright with it).
I know friends of my boyfriends who actually combined their last names and then they both changed their names!
Nicole (the other one) says
I changed my name when I got married. Technically, my mother picked my maiden name when she married. And to be honest, she didn’t do such a good job in picking a life partner. When I got married, I gladly ditched my former name for the new one I’d “pick out myself” 😉
Jessica says
I think this is a great way to look at it!
rachael says
I changed my name when I got married, pretty much because I feel like when you have a kid people call you by your child’s last name anyhow. I wish I had hyphenated, I didn’t because it would have made for a really long last name, but I think I may officially hyphenate in the future.
Liz says
Hi Kath,
I changed my last name from Thomas to Wilson after my marriage. It’s funny because I wanted to change my name right away but was unable to due to immigration issues for my husband. I always loved the last name Thomas, but boy do I love Wilson more. You will always be who you are irregardless of your name. It’s more an adjective than a noun.
Errign says
Hi Kath –
I’m not married so I’m not sure if I will or won’t change my last name (which is indeed a hyphenated name.) My parents changed their last names to the hyphenated one as well, when they were still married. My mom was H and my dad was C, and we all were H-C. (and obviously, my brother and I still are)
Besides it being a pain to ALWAYS have to tell people that it’s hyphenated, since people assumed I’m telling them my first & last name when they ask for last name, and having to learn to spell a name with 13 letters in kindergarten, I’ve never minded it.
Juli D. says
I wanna know if Matt made a beer from the wheatberries and if so what kind! Very interesting and we’ll have to look into it.
As far as names go, it’s a personal decision and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. I chose to take my husband’s name but that’s probably just because I don’t really feel that much attachment to any name. 🙂
Louise says
I am definitely changing my name!
My dad has remarried and his wife’s daughter has the same first name as me, when he married her mother, they changed her name too, so now she has the EXACT full name as me :S
Would be nice to get a little of my identity back, even though my fiance’s name is Johansen, which is like the commonest surname ever over here!
RhodeyGirl says
I changed my name but feel like I lost part of myself.
Everyone now thinks I’m ARMENIAN (since my hubs is) AND
I was brought up to be so proud to be a “______” It feels weird not to have that name anymore, but I will always be that girl!
Erin says
I definitely changed my name. But now I have 2 middle names because I couldn’t bear to get rid of my original middle name. I’ll probably remove it sometimes because it has just become more of a hassle but I want to keep my maiden name with me always. I identify with my maiden name.
After I changed my last name, I joked with my husband that I might not have taken his last name and he seemed really insulted. I never realized how much men also have a connection with someone taking their last name. He always had a dream of marrying a woman and having her take his last name. 🙂
Erin says
There is nothing I loathe more than a hyphenated last name. While I understand it, a stranger never looks at your last name with excitement (at least I don’t). They are a huge pain in my profession and trying to find the files of clients with hyphenated last names is a pain. And they are long to write, a pain to fit in forms, and just obnoxious to look at. My best friend when I was little had the last name Higginbotham and her mom’s name was Drazdowski. Can you imagine had her parents hyphenated?!? Gahh!!!
I am engaged & I would happily change, keep or even come up with an alternative last name if/when I get married. Incidentally it is because I DON’T care about tradition (carrying on names) and think a name is just a name and doesn’t define you. If taking my sig o’s last name makes him happy, I will. If he doesn’t care, I won’t just because it’s a pain on paper. I think last names are so irrelevant, but I am also not a traditional or heritage-oriented person (probably because my maternal grandparents grew up and met in an orphanage).
Andrea says
“Well-behaved women never make history.” My husband, who’s name I took, bought me a t-shirt Saturday with that written on it! I really pondered whether to change my name. My maiden name was very uncommon, unusual, hard to pronounce and unique. Coupled with my less common first name, my name was a unique combination that personified the unique person I am. So I really struggled with changing my name to Jones. I didn’t feel like I had to do it and I did feel like I would give up my uniqueness. I absolutely did not want to hyphenate and I didn’t want my children hyphenated like one person torn down the middle. It was important to me that my husband and I share our last name so in the end I did the culturally expected thing but not because it was expected. In the end, it signified to me my public and legal commitment to my husband even more than a legal marriage. Now over 8 years later, I am more Jones and less “___”, at least according to my mother. 🙂 I think I’m still me.
caitlin says
I loved changing my last name! i’ll always be a Noris in my heart, but now I’m a Boyle, too. 🙂
Carol says
I kept my last name and have never regretted the decision. When I got married back in 1993 (seems so long ago), it was not at all common to keep your maiden name. I got a lot of negative comments about it, but I held my ground. Our kids have my last name as a middle name and his last name as their last name. My daughter loves that she has 2 last names from Mommy and Daddy’s family.
Becca says
I haven’t gotten married, but I’m sure I wouldn’t change my name. To me, it seems like a sort of antiquated thing– plus I love my own name! It’s so tied in with my identity.
My mom didn’t change her last name either. Both my sister and I have her last name as our middle name and my dad’s last name as our last name. Works out beautifully, and I can have both of them as a part of both my sister and I! Love it.
MSWR says
After a lot of thinking and going back and forth, I decided to add my husband’s name. I don’t hyphenate, but I do have four names now. I couldn’t bear to part with my middle name or my maiden name. All three of my original names represent some part of my family (my first is my grandmother’s name, my middle is my mother’s maiden name, my last is of course my father’s name, which, btw, came from my great-grandmother, which I think is just too darn cool). I ultimately decided to add my husband’s name because I felt we were becoming a family when we married, and I wanted my new family represented as well. It’s kind of complex having four names, but it’s right for me. The only drawback is that my maiden name was the only one of my names with an easy, traditional spelling (which is why I only ever go by my initials when I comment online! Gotta stay anonymous somehow!). My married name is German with extra consonants. I’m totally used to my married name at work now (we’ve been married nearly 3 years), but I’m not entirely used to people, particularly my husband’s friends, calling us “R__s” (s as in plural).
Michelle says
I got married about 6 months ago and I changed my name. It’s still taking a little bit to get used to. I haven’t changed my name on my account at the bank, so I’m always afraid of complications there (none so far, though). While I’m not terribly in love with my new last name, I really don’t have any complaints either. Edgar and I are a new family, and we’re pretty traditional, so changing my name felt like we were establishing our own unit even more.
My dad is a little bummed that the Sanders name in our family line pretty much ends with us. I only have sisters, but I don’t think he’d want me not taking my husband’s name just to pass on the Sanders name. Heh…
Jo says
This is such an interesing topic! My personal choice is that I will take my future husband’s name if I get married (unless it was something AWFUL!) but I have no strong feelings about women not taking their husband’s name – personal preference I suppose.
My personal reasons are that I have no particular attachment to my maiden name so it wouldn’t bother me and I suppose my brother will ‘carry the name on’. I don’t feel that my surname affects my “uniqueness” and don’t really feel taking my husband’s name would infer submission to him (one name has to be chosen!). But these are just my personal thoughts and are not intended to denegrate anyone’s feelings on the matter, I can understand that some women feel really strongly about this.
Also – most people I know in the UK take their husband’s name so I don’t know if I just have particularly traditional friends or the US is more progressive in this respect….. hmmm interesting!
What I was interested to know was whether you now refer to yourself as “Mrs Younger”?
Canadian says
I don’t know Kath’s answer, but I say that this is what “Ms.” is for! I can’t be Mrs. P because P is not my husband’s name. If I were Mrs. anything it would be Mrs. B but I am not using the name B. I can’t be Miss P because Miss is for unmarried women and I am married. Nothing left but Ms. I can’t wait until the day when Ms. is used by all women, just like Mr. is used by all men. In Quebec we use Madame for all adult women — you don’t have to figure out their marital status to know how to address them!
Jo says
I go to France a lot and I remember I cried the day I was first referred to as Madame and not Mademoiselle!! (ok, I didn’t actually cry but I was very upset – I am only 28 now but was probably about 26/27 at the time)
Canadian says
I kept my name when I got married. This is how it works in my province. You can only use your husband’s name if you were married before 1981. ( http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/maria-a.htm#names ) But I grew up elsewhere and I always knew I wouldn’t change my name anyway.
I think it is sexist for the wife to change her name but not the husband. If a couple wants to have the same name, why don’t they either both hyphenate or else both choose a new name together? For those who say they want to be part of their husband’s family and show their devotion to him, shouldn’t he also be part of your family and show his devotion to you?
In many Latin American countries, don’t children take a family name from both parents?
In my particular situation, I feel that if I had my husband’s last name I would be presenting myself as a culture that I am not part of. People would speak to me in a different language and would be surprised when I turn out to have an accent. It would be totally weird. My last name reflects my cultural background, my husband’s last name reflects his.
This is the name I grew up with, the name everyone knows me by. I don’t see a good reason to change it, especially if my husband is not changing his.
PRT says
I’m from Spain, and the concept of changing my surname when I get married is foreign to me. Here we have both parents surname, so a person has Name+Father Surname+Mother Surname, and when you het married, both husband and wife maintain their names. The kids then inherited the Father’s 1st surname and the Mother’s 1st Surname.
I only remember my grandma telling me that in the 50s/60s only the parties and special occasions, women were refered as Mrs. “Husband Surname”, but it was in a high-class, respectful and traditional way.
Since I haven’t lived with this kind of situation, I can give you an honest answer about what I think, but for me it’s just totally crazy to think of changing my surname(s). It’s who I am, from where I and my family came from and that for me it’s a vital part of my life.
Carey says
I plan to change mine, if only because my boyfriend’s is so much easier to spell and pronounce. As much as I love spelling out my last name in every voicemail I leave, “Morgan” will be sooooo much easier. I would be down to hypenate, but then my monogram would spell a dirty word. No joke my first name is Carey, my last name starts with a U and my new last name would be Morgan. I think you can figure out the rest….eeeek!
Canadian says
You could hypenate in the other order. (Morgan-U… )
Jo says
Next interesting marriage topic – men wearing wedding rings…. Or women for that matter. Does Matt wear a ring? Do you?
Apparently the new thing is for men to get an engagement ring too!
Kath says
Absolutely – the man must where one! We both do 🙂 I don’t care what it looks like or how much it cost or anything, but it’s a symbol that I do feel strongly about. Not as a sign of possession but just as a life symbol?
Marilyn says
If you go to Asheville for your anniversary you have to go to Tupelo Honey for dinner or lunch and try the pimento cheese dip. It’s sooo good! Also, I hear they have good wine tastings at the Biltmore Estate.
Graze With Me says
I did change my last name when I got married. My husband is pretty traditional when it comes to that and I didn’t really care either way. He didn’t want to wear a wedding band though (he’s a mechanic) and that’s where I draw the line. So, we compromised, I changed my name and he wears his ring all the time.
Cristen says
I saw you mention in reply to another comment that you’ve been to Asheville many times before. Have you and Matt gone to the Early Girl Eatery on Wall Street?? If not you guys should check it out. As soon as you mentioned the possible visit that place popped into my head. I think you would enjoy it. All local products and made from scratch. Can’t go wrong.
Kath says
We might go!
Cristen says
I forgot to mention this when I first made the comment, they also offer a few locally made beers as well.
Kristin says
I kept my name, for many reasons:
1. I was 28 when I got married and pretty used to using it
2. I am a published writer
3. It would have been a pain in the butt to change
4. My husband didn’t feel strongly about it either way
5. It wouldn’t make us any less married
6. His name is about as hard to spell as mine
For me, it was not a feminist issue at all — after all, my last name now is my dad’s last name, not my mom’s. I would just be changing one man’s name for another.
Yeah, I thought about it — my husband’s last name begins with Z, which I thought would be *awesome* to have — but at the end I went to the practical side. I don’t have to prove to anyone I’m married — we, our families and God knows, and who else really matters? I joked about him taking my name, but he refused, and that was that.
I got some guff from people, mostly older family members, who insisted I HAVE to change my name. I just replied, “No, I don’t HAVE to.”
It’s really not that big a deal the one time a week or so it comes up at the bank or the vet’s office or wherever to explain after giving our first names that “I (or he) have a different last name, XXX.” Plus, there’s nothing that says I can’t change my name later, if I do decide I want to take it after all or we have kids or something else.
Amanda @ Cakes and Ale says
I had kind of a unique situation.
At first, I felt the same as you. I consider myself a feminist and there are many things about the name changing business that bothered me. I, too, love my maiden name and wanted to keep it. And I did! My husband was always supportive of my decision to keep my name – it didn’t bother him at all and whenever we talked about it he always said “Why would I care? It’s just a name. It has nothing to do with the strength of our marriage”
Then 3 years past… as time went by, I felt myself thinking about this more and more. I think it started when we started talking seriously about starting a family. We had always agreed to use my husband’s last name when we had kids, and the idea of not sharing a name with my kids started to nag me. Also, I started to like the idea of having the same name as my husband.
So, about a year ago, 3 years into our marriage, I changed my name! Of course, my family and friends thought I was crazy at first (seriously, I’m as strong a feminist as you’ll find), but it just felt right for some reason. I also legally changed my middle name to my maiden name… so I still have my maiden name, it’s just in the middle now!
In the end, I know women argue about this a lot, but to me it’s a non-issue. Everyone – and every marriage – is different. Women should feel comfortable to keep or change their last name based on what feels right to them… and no one should pressure them otherwise! There is no right or wrong answer, it’s completely subjective.
Beth @ DiningAndDishing says
I totally think it’s a personal choice but I would like to change mine. I don’t have a particular attachment to my last name (although I do love my family very much!) and I’d be happy to participate in something that has been such a longstanding American tradition. 🙂
Shawna @ Balancing Me says
I went back and forth before getting married, but in the end chose to take my husband’s last name. It didn’t change who I am, nor did it change our relationship. I don’t think a woman loses her identity by taking her husband’s name; rather, I think it just adds a new facet to her identity. I’m still an independent woman who is very much in love with her husband.
My eye doctor and his wife created their own last name by combining their maiden names. I thought that was kind of cool.
Amanda (Two Boos Who Eat) says
I didn’t hyphenate but I changed my middle name from Marie to my maiden name. and I have my full name on everything. I might give our future children my maiden name as a middle name too. Still debating that one!
My husband never cared what I did. He wanted me to keep my name and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Luckily his name is short enough and I got the best of both worlds.
Jenny D. says
When I got married, I changed my name very soon after. For me, it was a sign of the new life that I was venturing on with my husband. This was a joyful choice I made, and I completely felt like my husband would have supported me either way. That being said, I was just recently joking about how the maiden name Jenny fell off the face of the planet. Since we got married in college, all kinds of name changing craziness had to take place in order for me to get the degree typed up correctly. Even still, I don’t think I would go back on my decision to change it because it feels special to my husband and I – it reminds me that we’ve started our own family apart from our other families. That’s not to imply that anyone who doesn’t change their name hasn’t “started a family” – that’s just the significance it held for me:)
Meg @ Be Fit Be Full says
I changed my last name, but also changed my middle name to my maiden name. I think it’s the best of both worlds! I got to keep my maiden name and take my husbands as well.
Heather @ Side of Sneakers says
I was SO excited to change my name. Unfortunately I have a horrible relationship with my father and I wanted nothing to do with his name. I actually tried to change my name when I was a kid to my mom’s last name, but it wasn’t allowed back then. It made me cringe when I heard it, it was difficult to pronounce, and it didn’t make me proud. Now with my new name, I feel like I’m part of something- part of a family like I should have been all along. If I didn’t have that particular situation though, I’d be all for the idea of keeping my name– although I love sharing my name with my best friend. 🙂
Allison says
I didn’t change my name until after I had kids. When my son started preschool, it just made things a lot easier. At first I didn’t change it legally, I just used my husbands last name at school, but then one day my son said “I want you to have the same last name as us” and I realized that after two kids and many years of marriage, I just didn’t care that much any more. Now, I am glad I did. But I am not sorry I didn’t do it right away. I liked my name and there wasn’t much point until the kids came a long. Now, it makes life a little easier and I am going to be marreid to my husband a lot longer than I will have been single. The only person who really seemed to care was my dad. He was disappointed.
Christin S says
Wow, I’m a little late chiming in on this one, but I really enjoyed reading everyone’s last name stories, so I wanted to tell mine as well 🙂
I had always said I wanted to keep my maiden name. I’m not a huge feminist, but I did always like my last name because of what it meant to my family and thier history. My great grandparents on my dad’s side were Scottish and Jewish, and thier last name was Goldstein, but during WW2 they changed it to McBade to reflect the Scottish side to avoid persecution. Not only that, but since it was a made up name, we were actually the only McBades on record, so it was very rare. I therefore always said I wanted to keep my last name.
When I met my husband Travis, I found out that HIS great grandparents changed thier last name to Slyngman during WW2 for the same reason mine changed our last name!! AND they are the only Slyngmans on record…so that fact, coupled with the fact that I really felt it was important in my marriage to share the same last name as my husband to symbolize our bond together as a new family, and to outwardly show our connection to each other permanently caused me to change my name after all.
Moral of the story? However you feel before you meet your future husband, you really don’t know how you will feel either way until the time comes to marry him, and you should keep an open mind since you won’t have all the facts until you are in the situation…you may change your mind based on what your husband finds important, or what values you hold true deep down…however you feel right now, it is a personal choice, and you should keep an open mind to the possibilities 🙂
magdalena says
I am a very old fashioned gal and I personally couldn’t wait to take my Husband’s last name 🙂
But besides that fact, my last name was hard to pronounce and often made fun of… silly, but true. Also, I had…. difficulties with my Dad and my Husband is such an amazing human being that I am proud to bear his last name. Plus its only four letters! My maiden name was eight 🙂
Melissa says
My name has changed a few times from Smith to my first married name, got divorced, and now it is my 2nd husband’s last name. I guess I had no ties to Smith and I was young plus I wanted my kids to have the same last name.
My first married name was difficult and people misprounced it. Now that I’ve remarried, I changed it to my husband’s MUCH easier last nay (3 letters) but now my kids have a different last name and what a huge pain that has been for the past 5 years.
The lesson I’ve learned is that my name is NOT me and that having the same last name as my kids (and husband) made life a lot easier. It feels odd to be called Ms. FIRST HUSBAND’S LAST NAME because people assume I have my kids’ last name and call me that. Now it’s a double whammy!
LONG story but it’s mine!
Annie says
Hm… I’m not sure what I will do. I’m in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. My name is really important to me. It’s Anne-Marie (mother’s maiden) (last). My first name is a combination of my grandmothers’ names. I think I will just add on his name at the end. What’s three more letters? I don’t want to get rid of my middle name because I am very close with my mother’s family. I don’t want to get rid of my dad’s name, because there aren’t that many of us. My signature is already just my initials.
Lisa says
I love my boyfriend’s last name. And I HATE my last name. I’d most definitely change. 🙂 But I respect the reasoning behind women not changing their last name.
Allison K says
I know I’m late to the name change party…but I still wanted to answer!
I changed my last name….as a feminist I was pretty surprised that I didn’t have a strong feeling about keeping my maiden name or not. I had always just thought I would, but with no real reason or conviction about why.
Surprisingly enough, when I asked my husbadn (then fiance) what he would think if I opted not to (just to know his thoughts on it) he told me it was important to him that my name changed, as it symbolized our marriage and our new partnership. I was quite surprised, as we’d never talked about it.
It is a strange feeling though….changing your name. And..Ironically? My husband Calls me Allison Pope (my maiden name) all the time.
As in…”Hey Allison Pope–I love you”
JavaChick says
No, I didn’t change my name, for pretty much the same reason – that had been my name since the day I was born and I didn’t feel that getting married should suddenly turn me into someone else. I don’t get upset if someone calls me by my husband’s name, but I don’t regret my choice either.
Tina says
I happen to have a very long and complicated last name, I always have to immediately spell it anytime I make a dinner reservation/ appointment/ whatever, it sometimes doesn’t fit in the allotted number of spaces on standardized forms, and when I got married to a man with a much more succinct and American sounding name it never once crossed my mind that I should adopt his.
My name is a symbol of the family that made me who I am, and I never saw any reason to give it up. I respect women that chose to do this, but personally it strikes me as an archaic and insulting custom. Women shouldn’t have to change their labels just to somehow prove that they are in love, while men have no such social obligation.
I was happy when I married my husband and we began our new life together, and I never felt that I had to change my name to prove that we are united. That argument to me seems weak, as though somehow the fact that I made the commitment to spend my life with my husband in the first place isn’t proof enough.
Jill says
My choice will be completely dependent on the name and how it works with my first name. I have a French last name that is 10 letters long, very pretty and very difficult for anyone to pronounce! I love it, but if I like his more, I’ll change it. If I marry my current boyfriend, I will most definitely change it because his is unique and has three syllables- it would sound really good. It’s partially about the syllables- I wouldn’t change to a one-syllable last name because I think it’d sound bad with a one-syllable first name. Entirely different reasoning going on with me 😉 I’ve had boyfriends with bad last names, though, that I would absolutely not have taken. This is how I’ll decide because I don’t feel strongly either way about the other issues- I am not property no matter what, but my husband also won’t *need* me to have his last name to know my intentions.
Kinder says
I didn’t change my name. I have been married 14 years, and have 3 children. It has never been an issue for them, they know that I kept my pre-marriage name. They took my husbands last name.
I would never go back and do it any different – I believe that name is part of your identity, and why do I need to change my identity because I choose to enter a partnership with a man?
Great topic!
MLT says
I guess I’m late to answer this, but I think it’s an interesting topic, so I’m still commenting. 🙂
I didn’t change my name and I never for a moment even considered it. It didn’t cross my mind. My fiance never brought it up either. My mother didn’t change her name and neither did my grandmother or my great grandmother. I just don’t see the need for it. Growing up, it was never a problem that my mom and I had different last names- everyone who mattered knew she was my mom.
I agree with you that I don’t see a point in doing things just because that’s the way they’ve always been done. People have occasionally asked me why I didn’t change my name and my answer is always “why would I”?
Oh, and on the points other commenters raised: No, my name is not my “father’s name”- we happen to share a name, but it’s absolutely just as much “mine” as “his”. And second, while I think it’s fine for you to choose whatever floats your boat as far your own wedding/marriage choices, I think that would be a lot cooler of a choice if just as many men changed as did women. The reason I hear most often given for changing names is so that the couple has the “same” name, and if that’s what you feel strongly about, I don’t see why the man can’t change his.
Jessica says
I changed my name because to me it was in important indicator of our unity as a couple and as a family. I love that people can say “the Smiths” when they refer to us. I still dont’ know how to easily refer to our couple friends who have different names! Plus, I like the idea of having the same last name as my kids. I don’t want there to be a separation between us. (Relatedly, my mom changed her name but then considered changing it back when I was about thirteen. I was surprised how upset this made me feel — like she was trying to distance herself from our family.)
Anyways, to each her own, but for me, changing my name was an important indication of starting out life as a unit. 🙂
Jessica says
Also, do people ever call you Mr. and Mrs. _______? Or do they have to say Mr. _______ and Ms. Younger?
Kath says
I have been called Mrs. Monson, but Matt has also been called Mr. Younger!! Hilarious. People address us as “Mr. Matt Monson and Mrs. Katherine Younger” or “The Younger-Monsons.” (<-- see, they're already using a hyphen!)
Clearly Composed says
I had one of those maiden names that was easily made fun of as a child. When it hit me I was really getting married one of my first thoughts was, yea, I get a new last name!! that was almost twenty years ago and it now feels more mine than the original one did.
Deirdre says
I’ve so enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. Something that is so great about being a woman in the 21st century is we have SO many choices. We can choose what our last name is, whether we work or not, whether we have children or not, etc. Oh and I’ve always been a fan of Lucy Stone. I loved how she worked equally hard for women’s suffrage and the abolition of slavery.
I am very much single but I do not think I will change my name when I get married for a bunch of reasons. My mom never did and I always thought it was pretty bada** especially in the late 70’s when there weren’t many women keeping their maiden names. Second, as a child of parents with two different names I’ve seen first hand there can be some confusion at times, but nothing significant enough to use having children as a reason to change my name. Finally, I have a very Irish first name and my last name is equally as Irish sounding and I like having that part of my identity.
Katie says
Interesting topic on names. When I got married, I kept my maiden name as an additional middle name. It was Italian and unique, and it was my last name for 27 years, so I had a hard time parting with it. So I didn’t get rid of it totally. My name now is: first name – middle name – maiden name – husband’s last name. A mouthful I know, but it encompasses all parts of me.
Katie says
I have been thinking about this question a lot lately, since a lot of my friends have been getting married; it’s so funny that you posted this when you did! Serendipitous! I’m planning on doing the same thing as Jennifer, and change my middle name to a combination of my middle and maiden name. So I’ll just have 2 middle names. I really don’t want to change my name, but I remember when I was little and how confusing it was that some of my friends’ parents had different last names; but it’s more common now.
I just like the idea of being one unified family and being referred to as “the Gallo’s” or whatever my future family name will be!
Em says
When I got married I dropped my maiden name completely. A lot of people move it to their maiden name but that just seemed weird to me! Richards as a middle name? No thanks!
Ironically, my initials now that I’m married are EMS! HA!
Sarah says
hi kath! i am no where near getting married but i have thought about this because i love my last name and the family history with it! i think i probably will change my name but if i do i am going to for sure use my last name and the first name for one of my kids (assuming i have any)! my last name isn’t a super common first name but i have met people with it and it is unique i think!
Lee says
I’m getting married in two months and I’m so on the fence about it. At first I was like, “I’ll change it, no big deal” but as we get closer to the date, I’m sort of feeling like, why should I have to give up a part of me? Definitely not hypenatng though – my current last name is 9 letters and his is 8.
Melissa says
I changed my name after we got married in August, and let me tell you – I MISS IT!!
What a STUPID tradition 🙁
Samantha says
I changed my name. I was excited about the fact that I would be married, and changing my name just seemed to cement that. However, I do love my maiden last name and whenever I talk to myself, I call myself by my maiden name. (-:
Lori Ann says
Do you have any smoothie recipes you recommend? I like fruit smoothies over veggie. Thanks.
P.S. I am new to your blog and I really enjoy it!
Emily- Inside/Outside says
roasted apples? i’ll have to try that! looks like a delicious meal!
i’ve never been too fond of my last name so i’m ok with changing it 🙂 one of my roommates is engaged and we had an interesting talk about this recently. we both agreed that we do NOT want to be called Mrs. (Husband’s first name + last name).
i think you’re husbands response was awesome, too! very understanding.
Rachel says
I waffled a lot before I got married about changing my name. My maiden name is Gue, and I took a lot of flack for it as a kid, and for the longest time, I couldn’t wait to get married or change it. My younger sister got married before I did and never changed hers, which is a source of some slight tension between her & my brother-in-law. However, the older I got, the more my family name became a part of me and who I am. Not to mention, for right now anyway, there aren’t any Gue males from our branch of the family tree who will be passing the name on. When I asked Jay how he’d feel if I kept my maiden name, he said that while he would be honored if I took his last name, the choice was mine. It was then that I made the compromise to use my maiden name as my middle name, and take his last name, so I am now Rachel Gue Roe.
Jenn @ Watch My Butt Shrink! says
I really thought it was a special thing for me to take my husband’s name. It was MY way of showing that I wanted to be part of a family, a unit, something that I could do to show my husband how committed I was. Rather than seeing it as losing something, I saw it as gaining a new family and a new life with my husband.
But I’m in no way saying that I think if you don’t take your husband’s name that means your NOT committed!! I’m just talking about my own personal experience – I also love that women have a choice!
Melissa @ For the Love of Health says
Wow- amazing food photos!!
Interesting conversation regarding name change! I completely respect your decision and reasoning. I am not married or not have been so that opportunity has not presented myself. I think I may change my name though- I think it would be exciting- taking on a new name! However, I would feel sadness as well because I have been Melissa Stefanic for over 27 years (well it will be much longer once I do get married :-p haha) I personally don’t like the hyphenated thing for a few reasons BUT I respect any decision any woman makes, whatever her reasoning may be.
Tiffany says
I’m torn. In an ideal world, I would love to keep my last name. It’s unique, and while I hated it growing up, I love that it is ME.
However, I’ve discussed this with my BF, and he feels really strongly about changing my name (he’s very traditional). Hyphenating our names would be an option, if his last name wasn’t already hyphenated! What is a girl to do?!
Amy says
I changed my name. I never really thought about keeping my old one. It’s very generic. In high school there was another girl who had the same first and last name as me! So I was kind of excited to get a new (and more unique) last name. I got married after undergrad but before grad school so my degrees actually have two different names. My undergrad degree has my maiden name and my graduate degree has my married name. At first I was all concerned that it was different but then I thought, it just represents my real life!
I have a friend who changed her name when she got married and then after a few years she changed it back to her maiden name. She said she missed her old name too much!
Brittney says
I did change my last name, but until about a year after we got married. I actually love my maiden name, it’s really unique and I still think it goes better with my first name than my married last name. I kept my maiden name as my new middle name though, so it’s still a part of my name. I mostly waited a year because changing it it such a huge hassle with the DMV, Social Security, and WORK. I eventually caved and changed it because I knew it actually meant a lot to my husband for us to have the same last name. I’m glad I did it. I feel like we’re our own unit/family and like that we share that. I also want our kids and us to have the same last name (when we have kids). The change itself WAS a huge hassle though! Especially at work!
BroccoliHut says
Great question! Even though I complain about my last name being at the end of the alphabet all the time, I think I will have a hard time giving up the Yoder if/when I get married. As you said, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it!
Evelyn says
I’m a little late but just had to chime in. I changed my maiden name without hesitation when we got married…however I also changed my first and middle names too around a year and a half later. I never felt like my name suited me. And I kind of felt like I was closing a chapter of my life and moving on into the “beautiful life” that God has planned for me. My birth name was Tasha Marie McDonald. Tasha means “Christmas child” and I was born in JULY! and I have a sister whose name is Natalie (the french form of Tasha) who was actually born days before Christmas. Marie means “bitter” and I was ready to put aside the “bitterness” that had poisoned my childhood and step into a “beautiful life” with my new husband. And McDonald I just found to be a horrid last name…I try to associate as little as possible with their cheap, mediocre (at best, being nice here) food. My grandmother even said she was glad I changed it because she never felt my name suited me either! My family has all been fine with the changes, although I still use my birth name in stories from times when that was my name, and the more often I am around family the more likely they are to use my current legal name instead of my birth name. I suppose it is a personal decision, but also I think it’s one that we shouldn’t take too personally, if you know what I mean 😉 As much as I like my name now (and my daughters name as well, Madleigh Sage) I think it’s pointless to get upset at people for forgetting or spelling a name incorrectly or assuming that you would or wouldn’t have changed your name/have the same or different last name as your husband, etc. Isn’t it great though to live somewhere that we are given the choice!
Keri R. says
I took my husbands last name. We have known each other since 6th grade so in junior high and high school I was writing my first name with his last name all over my binders :). I love having his last name because I feel like I get to keep a part of him.
My Mom and Dad were married for 7 years before I came along and my mom only changed her last name when I was born so that it would be easier for her when dealing with all of the paperwork.
This topic totally reminds me of the dinner scene in Father of the Bride part 2!
Marcia says
I changed my name. Didn’t think twice about it. It’s just a name, it’s convenient to have the same one. And I like the new last name, even though it’s pretty common.
None of my Chinese friends change their names. It’s not the practice in China. They keep their maiden names, and the kids get the father’s name, and that’s that.
kathleen says
Reading all of the comments has been so much fun…I changed my name with my first marriage at age 30. My maiden name was a popular beer (Matt would have loved that) and I was tired of being at the end of the alphabet. “W” – My husband tragically passed away 5 months after we married (We were together for 9 years before getting married) and I was left a 31 yo widow feeling super lost about my “new” name. It ended up being a comfort. I held on to my new name for dear life. Years later I met another wonderful man. We got married (Which I never thought would happen in a million years) I was apprehensive, but felt ready to take his name and in the process moved myself back to the end of the alphabet with another “W” name. I’ve been at the same job this whole time…so yah, 3 names, 3 email address changes and I still sign the wrong name when under pressure. I think you just go with whatever feels right. No kids, but my dog still has my first husband’s last name :o)
Kath says
Kathleen, what a sad and sweet story of your names!
So says
I am from Quebec, a French-speaking province in Canada and women do not change their name when they get married. Most of my mother’s generation did. When I got married, it was not even an option! My husband said that if I were to be Mrs L. I would sound like his mother! On my side, I would feel like I had lost my identity. Our two kids have my husband’s name, but I have put my last name in their middle names on their birth certificate.
Kate in Japan says
I’m getting married in August, and this has been a hot issue. We both get upset whenever we discuss it, so I’ve stopped bringing it up. I don’t want to change my name. Why should I? He doesn’t have to! I hate the expectation that the woman will change her name but the man doesn’t face that sort of pressure or decision. He wants us to have the same last name, but changing his name doesn’t seem to be an option. His surname is fairly common whereas mine is very unique. We live abroad now, and I don’t want to go through the hassle of getting a new passport and visa. Which is sort of an excuse, but hey. We’ll also be moving to my hometown next year, and I like the idea of everyone in our small town knowing that I’m my parents’ daughter. I won’t make a fuss if people call me Mrs. Him, and our children can have his name, but I don’t want to change it.
In Japan, married couples must have the same family name. They can choose which name to take, though, and while it’s probably more common to keep the man’s name, I know of couples where the man has brothers but the woman only sisters so they used her name. One friend said they chose the more unusual name as they felt that would be easier.
/essay!
wna1001 says
Cool question! Most of the reason that I plan to keep my name is that my first name would sound terrible attached to my guy’s last name. I have a very long ethnic first name and surname, while he has a short, American last name. It doesn’t sound right at all if you combine the two. It’s like if I were named Barack Obama and changed my name to Barack Jones.
I also don’t believe in the tradition of taking a husband’s name. If I take my husband’s last name it’s like saying that I’m joining his life/family, not creating a new one together with him.
Pamela says
I kept my last name – it is who I am and how I am connected to my family. My husband was fine with that. I told him he could change his to mine if he wanted 🙂 he said no thanks! Our daughter has my last name and her middle name is my husband’s last name. This has worked fine for us. We both occasionaly get called by each other’s last names but that is no big deal.
Marilyn says
I changed my name when I got married…and then changed it back when I got divorced! If I ever remarry, I would use my husband’s last name socially (and I’m sure people would call me Mrs. Hislastname no matter what), but I probably won’t change it legally, just because I don’t want to go through all the hassle of a new SS card, license, etc., for the 3rd time.
I do have a son from my first marriage. So far, us having different names hasn’t caused any problems, but I guess it’s common enough these days that people are used to it.
Dee says
You guys create such interesting dishes! I love reading about them!
I’m actually getting married this Friday and will be changing my last name. 🙂 I’m keeping my maiden name though so because I don’t think I could bear with leaving it behind.
So I will be First Name/Middle Name (my mom’s maiden name)/Confirmation Name/Maiden Name/New Last Name… LOL!
alex says
I think this is a really interesting topic. From a child’s perspective especially–My mom kept her maiden name and i have my father’s last name. Although I am american, I am currently living in the middle east and both my parents work full time. I’m in this in-between phase right now where I’m living at home, waiting to go to grad school so I’m picking up a lot of the “household” duties that my mom would pick up if she weren’t otherwise engaged. So, I face a lot of problems, ESPECIALLY in the middle east, with trying to prove that I am my mother’s daughter. I have to do a lot of random stuff like pick up things for her, or complete stuff on her behalf, and the number of times i have to show all sorts of documents or fight with people to prove to them that I am her daughter is just ridiculous. I always think about Julie’s point that–our last name is essentially our father’s, so the question of “property” and “women’s rights” is all relative anyways, i just think if you don’t mind making it easier for your future offspring, then CHANGE your name!! It’s not that big of a deal in the end but I can safely say that I would’ve really appreciated it had my mom thought about this when she married. I know most 24 y.o don’t have to pick up on a lot of the work that their mothers would have otherwise done and subsequently don’t face the same issues i do, but i HATE having to prove who i am!!
And i also think that it really isn’t a question of feminism, but rather if you like the ring of your old or new name better. What I can’t stand is being referred to “Mrs.”…. it just sounds SO matronly. I’m becoming a teacher too, so i really am not looking forward to it!
Sarah says
I did change my name when I got married because I really wasn’t that attached to mine and taking my husband’s last name moved me up in the alphabet, which has helped when it comes time to register for classes, haha. But seriously, it is something I knew I wanted to do and I never had any reservations about it.
But, my mother is a big genealogy buff, so I legally changed my middle name to my maiden name so that way I didn’t lose it completely. I really appreciate all the different perspectives!
Jessica says
Hey Kath,
I’m a little late responding to this, but I still wanted to. I will be getting married next year, and I plan to take my husband’s last name. Personally, I love my last name, and don’t really care for his. But, I want us to be a unit, complete with common name to prove it. And, I absolutely want the same name as my future children.
Also, your current last name was your dad’s, right? That is the man your mother chose. If you take Matt’s name, that is taking the name of the man who you chose. It will probably take an adjustment period, but in the long run, I’m sure you will love it.
Kayla K. says
I love this topic because I just got engaged last weekend. I am going to take my husband’s name for a few reasons
1. I don’t like how people can’t ever pronounce my last name (even though its super simple)
2. My fiancée’s father told me I had to earn the name, by learning how to work a knife (weird I know)
3. I love him and want to share a piece of his life.
elaine! says
My plan at the moment is to use my maiden name as my pen name, but legally change my last name to my husband’s if/when I get married. My name is complicated as it is — I initialize my first name, go by my middle name, and my last name has three words. If I added a hyphenation to my last name, it would get even more out of hand!
The other kicker is that my parents haven’t supported my 7-year relationship since the day it started. If/when we get married…. why would I want to keep their name, when for all intensive purposes, I’m closer to my partner’s family than my own?
As a side note, my boyfriend’s mom over the years has occasionally signed me up for things using my first name and their last name. It’s both funny and sweet, because it means that she considers me part of their family, marital status aside.
Erin says
Late chiming in, but wanted to throw my two cents in. When I got married, I changed my name, but kept my maiden name as my second middle name. I love my original middle name (Lyn) as it was my grandmother’s name, but I loved my maiden name, too. So–I have four names. Complicated sometimes, but mostly no big deal.
I always thought I’d be published under my maiden name, and thus wouldn’t change when the time came–but I ended up being married before being published, so it worked out. But because my husband’s name is so common (Smith), I decided to keep three names professionally. So, professionally, I’m Erin Copple Smith –no hyphen, because I’m not a hyphenate. I’m just using my second middle name in order to stand out from the pack.
My husband honestly did not care whether I changed my name or not, and we even considered blending our names into a new one (Copplesmith) because he doesn’t really love Smith–but in Wisconsin you have to pay to come up with a completely new name, and it wasn’t that important to us! And I wanted to have the same name because I’m sentimental, and because I want our whole family (when there are kids) to have the same name.
It’s certainly not anything I would judge ANYONE for, either way–I think it’s a personal decision, and one that only the person in the middle of it can make. But I’m definitely happy with my choices. 🙂
Jara says
My husband and I both decided that we would both change our names…we hyphenated both of our last names and put our names alphabetically…we have a 17 character last name, but we do love it and love what it represents for us in a marriage where we affirm our equality!
Laura says
I’m a little behind on reading this blog, but it is a great one and I wanted to contribute! I am completely torn about what to do when I get married. My mom kept her maiden name and I grew up with her maiden name as my middle name and my dad’s surname as my last name. My entire childhood I swore that I would change my name when I got married because I hated being the kid who constantly had to defend my parent’s relationship to everyone I knew.
But when my dad passed away almost 7 years ago, I started to take great pride in my last name because it’s one of the last ties I have to him. From then, I swore I would never change my last name!!
I have a lot of pressure from people about what I should do. I know that my current boyfriend is going to be very disappointed if I don’t take his last name. (And I think a part of me will also be disappointed, because I know what it’s like to be that child and I DO want to be tied to him when we are married.) I have had some threats from family members about being referred to as “chattel” if I change my name. And I know my mom will be upset because if I do change my name, my maiden name will become my middle name and she will feel upset I gave up her maiden name as my middle name. When I started to voice all these concerns to the BF he backed off and told me it’s my decision and he supports me no matter what. I truly have no idea what I will do! I don’t want to let anyone down, but I also want to do what is going to make me feel the best and I have no idea what that is right now!
I’ve thought about hyphenating.. but eh, I don’t know!