Many of you have been asking me how I’ve been doing since The Post.
This is the first time in my life that I’ve lived alone…(not counting my 3-year-old roommate 🙂 ). Matt and I lived in the same dorm for three out of our four years in college, and we shared our first apartment fresh out of college.
This is in no way a knock to Matt, at he was a great roommate during all those years, but living alone has been pretty fun! You probably already know that I’m a bit of a neat freak, so it’s been surprising to find things just as I left them. Now don’t think the house is always quiet or well kept – my 3.5-year-old roommate never makes his bed or does his laundry (that’s a joke, BTW!) – but in terms of the adult spaces, it’s been a weird and nice change to have them all to myself.
Another observation is that I am living with less. Less trash, less food, less laundry, fewer shoes, fewer towels, fewer plates in the cabinet, and less dish soap used. Two shrunk into one, and one needs less.
In other ways, I now have more: more closet space, more room in my bed, more refrigerator space, more drawers and shoe cubbies for my things. These are the kinds of observations you don’t notice until after the dust settles.
One huge bonus to living alone: making my bed is so easy! I just slip in on one side and back out in the a.m.
Living alone also means I am 100% responsible for running the household. I used to delegate things like changing lightbulbs to Matt, but now I know it’s all me. He used to take out the trash, do the gardening, fix things, and so on. While it might seem like a negative to have more chores to do, it has actually been nice because things are getting done more efficiently with just one person in charge. Again, this is not a knock to Matt, but there is less communication so there is less delay in the chain.
^^Actual lightbulb replacement in progress!
Lastly, it’s taken some adjustment to go from saying “we” and “ours” to “I” and “my”, which is to be expected after being a couple for so long. But it’s a habit I’ve found catches me blushing at unexpected times.
I do get lonely at times, mostly during the evenings when my sidekick is fast asleep. But that’s nothing a good book and some ice cream can’t fix 🙂
Michaela says
This makes me so sad to read 🙁
I’m glad to hear you’re doing mostly ok though, but it must be really awful at times.
I hope it will all get easier with time.
Hannah N. says
Kath, super random, but how did you mount your monitor? We’ve been struggling with finding the best place/way to set it so our guy can reach it and and have a good view of him. Thanks!!
Hannah N. says
*can’t reach it 🙂
KathEats says
We mounted it on the wall with a nail so it looks down on him
Andrea says
I mounted our video monitor with those “command” brand picture hanging strips. It works really well and is very secure since the strips are designed to hold up heavy picture frames, and you avoid putting a nail hole in the wall. http://www.amazon.com/Command-Medium-Picture-Hanging-Strips-12-Picture/dp/B00I2XSWSY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462370854&sr=8-1&keywords=command+picture+strips
Jamie says
We also have this monitor (love it) and used heavy duty velcro to mount it to the vinyl window frame. Works great.
Kate says
Thank you for sharing as you journey into a new way of life. I admire your positive attitude. I bet Mazen enjoys the extra Mommy time.
Penny says
I was a single Mom for 12 years…two boys…It was very hard work, so your posts makes me sad…Sad because it is sad whenever a marriage ends. I of course do not know all your issues, but I am praying that maybe you and Matt will find your way back together. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers…
Lynda says
I find it sad also but I don’t know either what all the issues are involved. Things can look so different on the surface. I pray that if you aren’t able to get back together that you each find happiness in other directions.
Katie says
Thank you for sharing such a private topic <3 I'm currently going through the same with 2 young kiddos, so these posts really hit "home". Hugs to you!
Ashley says
I felt the same way when I separated! And I think it is great to focus on positives like this in the midst of a difficult situation. I really love living “alone” (plus 2 kids), for many of the reasons you point out.
Honestly, I’m about to get remarried, and am really struggling with having another adult in the house again after nearly 3 years on my own!
Tonya says
Here’s a big ol’ hug, girlfriend. ***huuuug***
As I said in another comment, I’m a single mom whose kid went off to college, so I understand the pros and cons. Pros: no more shuttling to and from swim practice/soccer practice/school events! More time to “do me” Cons: uh….no more shuttling to and from swim practice/soccer practice/school events 🙁 🙁 . Sooo much more time to “do me”. Even with all the various activities I’m involved in, I feel the separation on those nights when I just want to stay at home and relax. It’s like ohhhkaaaay tv all by myself. reading all by myself. LOL There are some awesome pros though, less laundry, lowered grocery bills, and oh my gosh, toilet paper lasts forever now! LOL It’s the little things!
Teresa says
Hugs, Kath!! Sorry you have to clarify that the cute 3.5 yo roomie idea is a joke! People must be judgmental for you to have to write that in! Enjoy the little changes that make life easier or a little more free- I am kinda the opposite of you- I prioritized my career over dating until my early 30s and lived single for a looooong time before finally finding my husband. I loved my place I had on my own and remember that time with a lot of positive thoughts. 🙂 can you tell me what kind of baby monitor that is by Motorola? Do you like it?
KathEats says
This is the one I have. Absolutely love it!
Ellie says
How true. I loved reading this as I’m doing the opposite for the first time. I was a I for 28 years. Now it’s odd to say we for the first time. If we can learn to trust our own path. Sometimes I miss the I, but I think mostly I’ve learned both have their benefits… it’s forging the journey as it goes.
Jenny says
sounds like you’re doing fine to me!
Laura S. says
Kath,
I’ve followed your blog for quite some time. I, too, met my husband when I was in college and we have recently gotten divorced (I’m 31).
I feel for you but it’s nice to see that you’re doing well and enjoy being alone. I’m finding myself in the same boat although sometimes it is hard. Staying positive and knowing life goes on has been important 🙂
Amanda says
With the exception of my freshman year roommate in a dorm room, and then 3 years of living off-campus with house or apartment mates, I’ve lived alone, so it’s the only way I know. As a neat freak kindred spirit, I do love that my house is always they way I left it (and I can always tell if my parents have stopped by when I’m away). The best compliment I received was that my house looks like a hotel with everything in place. I lead an active and busy life, so my home is truly my sanctuary and I find comfort in the tranquillity. If it’s too quiet, I’ll listen to a podcast, turn on the radio (Model One — because of your rave review years ago!), or call a friend. Friends with kids often ask if it gets too quiet or boring for me. No. It’s the only life I know.
This rambling comment from a long-time reader is simply to share a single woman’s non-parent perspective on living alone. Long ago I got over my fear of killing bugs, and light bulbs are no big deal. 😉 While I rarely comment, I’m cheering for you as you go through this transition.
Katy says
Whatcha reading?
KathEats says
A book called Fool Me Once. It was a Kindle recommendation and is kind of a mystery. Like it 30% in!
Shel@PeachyPalate says
You are such a strong woman! I’m so delighted you’re being so open and sharing your thoughts with us, an inspiration to many! Did you end up staying in the house with Mazen?
Ruth says
Thanks for the update 🙂 I am happy to read that you have mostly pros, staying positive, and know that you have so much support, both on and offline. Optimism always helps – stay strong!
Shana says
Love the honesty and sentiment of this post. Books and ice cream definitely make wonderful company!
polly says
Big hug Kath.
Kirsten says
I bow down to you! You make it look so easy and I know it’s not. You are one strong lady 🙂
Mary says
My heart absolutely breaks for all three of you. It sounds like you are choosing to only focus on the positive – you go girl! Wishing ya’ll all the best <3
Claire says
My split was not as smooth as yours, but when I went to live alone with my 2 year old boy, it was actually a relief not to rely on someone else. I loved it when it was just the two of us. Things were so much simpler and I actually got a lot more done when it was just me who was responsible for everything.
Rachel says
I have seen so many marriages fall apart because of small and big issues, including alcoholism, infidelity and bad communication, but I have also seen some of those marriages restored even stronger than before through humility, prayer and hardwork. This may not be what you want to hear, but it is the truth… The grass is never greener on the other side. I just want to stress to you and Matt that since you have a child together, it NEVER ends. Once Mazen is an adult, he will begin dating, get married and have children of his own. My parents are just experiencing this new phase and it’s so frustrating for their children and confusing for their grandchildren. ???? Please, keep trying. Prayers, Kath.
JT@ The Faux Foodie Girl says
what a brave post!!!! there will be good days, there will be bad days, but finding the new self and your own I, is also amazing. For so many years you were part of “we”, but the new “I” will be just as great, different, but great. your honesty is beautiful!
Leah Finn says
i have been a reader from the beginning and I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. I must be honest and say when I first read the “separating” post I was kind of mad at you guys – lol. I am your same age with a 10 and 3 year old girls – been married for 11 years and my marriage has had our fair share of ups and downs together…but no matter what my husband and I are 100% commited to eachother even when we can’t stand eachother….and I really wanted you guys to work it out. But I know that is not always best. I am just really proud of how you are handling yourself, your son, your work/life balance, your separation, etc. I’m sure your emotions run the gammet on a daily basis. Just wanted to let you know that your readers are here for you and that you inspire me not only with food & nutrition but matters of the mind and heart. xo
Courtney says
Oh man, Kath. This post just made me feel so sad.
Morgan says
I admire you for putting this out there. I got divorced 5 years ago and am now married again. You totally put into words perfectly what I thought and felt in those quiet early days. I’ll be honest that there are times now that I miss the alone time I had and the “less.” I love my husband, but jeez at the dirty socks in weird places! 🙂 I know it sounds cheesy, but wherever you end up, this time alone will help it be a better future for both you and Mazen.
kate says
I applaud you for your honesty – these posts are hard to read – I wish you weren’t in this situation, but you sounds like you are at peace with the decision, and are taking good care of yourself.
I’m really torn – I love reading these posts that are more personal, but then I find myself thinking that I should mind my own business, and that I have no rights knowing such personal details about your life. anyways, just rambling – wishing you all the best
Bobbie says
You are a wonderful inspiration to women, young and old, mothers and childless! I guess the mom in me wants to tell you, “I’m proud of you, Kath!” 🙂
You go, Girl!
Jodea says
It’s always a bonus when my boyfriend is away that it’s so much easier to make the bed!
Rachel says
Just dropping in to say I think you are super classy and brave for what you choose to share about this stage of your life. Best wishes to you!
Allison says
I hope, for Mazen’s sake you are talking to someone (the two of you) to try to work things out. That said, the house stays so much cleaner when my husband is out of town and I have two kids who are so messy! And I totally get what you mean about getting things done yourself. I have expectations that he will do things, but when he is away, I just do it and its done.
Erika says
I don’t know why everyone is feeling such sadness for you over this post. I didn’t detect that at all. If anything I sensed a feeling of strength and eager anticipation over your newfound singleness. Being a wife does not define us as women. Being strong and independent and knowing what we want out of life is way more important, in my opinion. I’m excited for you and the new path you are taking, Kath. I’ve always admired you and I’m proud of you for sharing your journey with all of us.
KathEats says
Thank you!
Denise A Belyavsky says
Erika took the words right out of my mouth! I also don’t get why others are saying your post makes them sad. You’re putting one foot in front of the other and figuring it out one step at a time. I like hearing your positive message about this big change in your life. Thanks for sharing Kath!
Kim says
Another one who doesn’t get all the “sadness” people are feeling. I think it sounds like you are doing great and I suspect Mazen will be just fine. I do understand…I was married for many years to a very nice guy, divorced so single for five and now remarried. I have to admit I sometimes miss those clean-house single days!
Laura says
Agreed! For me this was such a positive post. I think you look and sound great and are embracing your new normal. That’s not sad, you’re just adapting and you’re doing it beautifully. 🙂 Hugs!
ps How do you like this season of Survivor so far? ‘m so happy that Scot and Jason are finally gone.
KathEats says
Aubrey was my pick to win, so I’m really happy with the way things have gone!! Did not care for Scot or Jason, so yay!
Kat says
Do you mean you and Matt my shared a dorm room in college, or just lived in the same dorm? Purely curious! I didn’t realize colleges allowed non-married couples to live together but maybe I’m out of touch!!
KathEats says
Just same dorm – not the same room!
Andrea says
I’m sorry it had to happen this way but happy you get the chance to know who you are on your own as an adult – I think it’s a great and valuable experience to have and it will make your future happier, no matter what it brings!
Amber says
I’ve been through this. There is something to be said for discovering peace in your home again. I remember after he left when I realized I didn’t have to dread going home anymore. The solitude and quiet were a gift I wasn’t expecting but was grateful for, and although it was and is still difficult to have to do it all myself sometimes, recognizing the peacefulness helped me heal. Hugs.
Gab says
I’m glad you’re adjusting, and I also wanted to say that Mazen will be fine no matter what. These commenters urging you to reconcile with Matt are incredibly presumptuous and I hope they’re not bothering you. I am neither hoping you get back together nor hoping you stay apart – I have no idea what the situation is and am quite sure you know what’s best for you and your family – and it’s absolutely none of our business.
Kelly says
Amen! I thought the same thing. I suppose those comments are well-meaning, but they are steeped in assumptions and rather intrusive- when has she ever asked anyone to weigh in on her choice?
c says
Agree! Things look very different from the interwebs.
Lisa C. says
I am really enjoying that you are making your blog more personal again. That’s why I became hooked in the first place! You have a great attitude during this time of change and I’m proud of you.
Samantha says
Since a few people have commented on how this situation effects Mazen (which I don’t really think is any of our business) I just thought I would let you know that my parents got divorced when I was 5 and they prioritized co-parenting me and my siblings like you seem to be doing and honestly it was no big deal. They’ll be sitting next to each other at my wedding. I’m sure you know this but Mazen will be fine no matter what because he has two loving parents.
Lily says
Hi Kath,
I just wanted to share a story with you.
My sister was widowed (her husband died of cancer), and she was left with 2 young kids. In the wake of his death, she was left wondering how to move forward and what life would look like as a single mother. It forced her to pause and reflect on what she wanted the next chapter of her life to look like…I think the whole thing felt terrifying and invigorating, in equal parts. She has since remarried to a wonderful man who is a wonderful father to her kids, and they have built a new life together. Her life didn’t necessarily pan out the way she expected it to as a day-dreaming 16 year old, but it is no better or no worse. There is no one trajectory or recipe for how things unfold.
My advice would be to just take some time to mourn the things you’ve lost and build anticipation for all the wonderful things that are in store for you. There will be bad days and good days…don’t try to rush it or feel like this period needs to progress at a certain pace – such an individual experience.
You never seem to victimize yourself, which I think will serve you well in this next chapter. You seem to get that you have agency in drafting your future instead of feeling out of control over the things in your life. Bravo! You are such an inspiration to your readers, and I hope that you’re being kind to yourself throughout this all.
KathEats says
Thank you for sharing <3
Amy says
Hey Kath – I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I’ve read it for years. Even though I’ve never met you, I felt so bad when I read “The Post.” I’ve been through it and it was tough. I just want to say I admire you and you are handling it great, focusing on the positives. It’s great that you two are still a team when it comes to Mazen and I have no doubt everyone will come through to the other side shiny and happy. But know you’re in our thoughts. So when you have those few down moments, remember there are tons of people cheering you on and supporting you, even all those readers you’ve never known about.
Melissa says
Oh Kath, So sad to hear. I just peeked in. Haven’t visited in awhile. Life gets busy as your kiddos grow. How brave of you to share with us where you are at. All we can do is look in, but we don’t have an inside view. Your gains, with Matt gone sound hallow. I love those things when my husband is on a road trip. But the perks of contained orderliness at the end of life will be of little pleasure. Your heart chose Matt long ago. So good that you guys have looked at your priorities and assessed your hearts. You know what you are dealing with. But even though your hearts have priorities – I’m not sure what’s on top, whether it be the blog for you or his brewing business or other things… You guys have to do the reordering. You have to put your marriage on top and take whatever is eating at prioritizing your relationship out. It might mean a lot of sacrifice. Like giving up a bit (or actually alot) of you for “we” (to find “we” again). It might be the hardest thing you have ever done. When you married you became one and there are some many ways that will be so hard to undo if you choose to end your marriage (Mazen is the fruit of your oneness). It is nice to run solo pilot when the husband is gone but parenting is a two person job, you get extra wisdom and extra help. Matt is that – your chosen helpmate. I know I’m on the outside looking in – so take this with a grain a salt. Praying for you with lots of love!
emily s. says
You know, we don’t know that the separation was more the “fault” of one party than the other, but I feel like you are insinuating that it is Kath’s “fault” for looking for the silver lining in her situation, which is quite unfair. It’s a gift that she is being as open & honest as she is about this hard time. Even if her heart chose Matt, maybe his heart has changed–that’s another possiblity. You can’t force someone else to stay and I am sure they did/are doing the work to come to the ending to all this that is best for them. It’s a great sign they share equal love and are both willing to care for Mazen DESPITE how they themselves feel about each other…
AmyW says
Melissa- this was a beautiful post!! You have said what I have been thinking but couldn’t put it into words like I had wanted…but this is perfect and so beautifully stated.
Kim says
Oh brother. Melissa it isn’t like Mazen doesn’t still have two parents he sees regularly, who have the financial means to support him, get a long, live in close proximity, etc. What the hell is “the perks of contained orderliness at the end of life…?” We have no reason to think Kath is at the end of her life and she may well find someone who syncs with her much better than Matt. Or she will live as a wise, content, active woman. I don’t understand the doom and gloom.
Suzanne says
I don’t see doom and gloom – just a kind attempt to save the sanctity and commitment of marriage.
Tracey says
Parenting is a two person job? I know quite a few single mamas that manage just fine. It might not be easy, but it can be done. Maybe she (or he) DID prioritize, and the other one didn’t. There are most likely MANY issues that you are, nor I, nor any of the other readers, are privy to. And that’s the way it should be. A marriage is private. But telling someone they just need to “prioritize” their marriage and assume that will fix things is incredibly disrespectful and presumptuous.
Vidya says
Kath..my dear friend, I am in tears reading this. But happy at the same time that you are taking in all this so bravely. You were an inspiration and will always be one. Lots of love and hugs to lil Mazen.
Vidya says
And love and hugs to you too. You will do so much better..chin up 🙂
Kat says
As a single mom, this post resonates with me. It is incredibly difficult but admirable as well, and I find my support system of friends and family willing to step in when needed. I wish I had tried to work it out with my ex, in all honesty… but he moved on with another woman soon after our separation, which also complicated things. I suggest trying all routes… therapy, etc. to see if it’s the right choice. You seem like a very strong and capable person, though, and I’m sure it will work out for the best. Hugs to you and Mazen.
Courtney says
SIngle mom to a 6-yr-old, here. You can do this! I’m so excited to see your positive attitude, bc that is what it takes to take back your life and individuality. Honestly, I love living by myself, and my little sidekick. I’m a new reader to your blog, but I love all the stuff I’m seeing. Keep it up!
Katie says
I love this post! It reminds me lot of how my mom must have felt when my parents split up. My parents divorced when I was a kid, and quite honestly, I feel like it ended up leading to us having a much more normal home life. They never fought or anything like that, but they had been together since they were 18 and just grew apart, and once they split up I realized that they were happier apart. Happy parents make for happy kids, regardless of whether or not they stay married. Hang in there!
Katie @ Peace Love & Oats says
I’m glad you’re having some positive adjustments. I’ve actually lived the opposite of you – I’ve never been a serious relationship and ever since college ended I’ve lived alone (so almost 6 years!). As much as I love having someone around, there are SO many pro’s to living on your own as well.
Darlene Rush says
I think it sounds like you are doing just fine on your own. I think it is so refreshing to see a young woman who is positive and engaged with her life, moving forward after a long relationship that started when she was young. People change, grow apart, or break our heart. But here is a young woman who loves her son, her life, and her home. She and Matt seem to be on the same page with what is best for Mazen. What an inspiration for us all!
Beth says
Just a word of encouragement without knowing any details of your relationship and not at all intending to be passing judgment. When I was a young mom, a very wise woman told me this; “The best thing you can do for your child is to love each other.” May you find your way and may it be even better than you ever imagined.
Suzanne says
Working as a school counselor, divorce is one of the most common challenges I see children facing. Of course we don’t know what is happening but I pray and encourage you two to seek marriage counseling and remind yourselves of why you fell in love. Mazen deserves that! Much love!
Lauren Palmer says
Just piping in to say I can’t believe all these comments weighing in on the very personal issue of your marriage. My parents have been married for 36 extremely dysfunctional years, and their misery together has been the defining challenge of my life thus far. They have other issues, of course; mental illness, alcoholism. But my brother and I firmly believe their lives would be much better had they found the strength to end their marriage. In many situations, people stay together “for the children” when the relationship isn’t working and they don’t respect each other and they are unhappy. Do you think the kids appreciate this kind of sad arrangement? The commenter who said happy parents are the best parents hit the nail right on the head, and I have firsthand experience of how terrible things can be for children whose parents are unhappily married. What people don’t seem to understand is that getting divorced is not the “easy way out.” I’ve never experienced it, but I can imagine it’s extremely difficult and painful. It’s also really, really brave. It means two people respect themselves and their family enough to want to be the very best versions of themselves. It means two people are fighting for a brighter future. I really admire your courage for shedding light on this common experience. This kind of vulnerability helps us all feel less alone in the world.