I have procrastinated writing any baby posts for the past two months (for some odd reason) because I’ve wanted to write about sleep. However, I think I wanted to have and end to the story first, which obviously will not come. Parenting is one never-ending journey! I’m planning to write about other milestones (eating real food, starting to move, etc.) in a six month post, but I have so much to say about sleep I had to make it its own post!
I did everything I could to avoid the four month sleep regression. You might recall that Mazen’s sleep was h o r r i b l e between 4-6 months, and so I followed all the “rules” to help Birch learn to self soothe. Of course we’ll never know if it was nature or nurture, but Birch has been a pretty good sleeper from about the one month mark on. I do think nurture has at least something to do with it. We practiced “le pause” and really paid attention to his cries and cues before rushing to the bassinet every night. (See Baby Sleep: Two Months In.)
At the four month mark he was sleeping 9-10 hours straight most nights!
And just as we thought we had escaped the dreaded regression, it began. Within days of Birch turning four months old, he learned how to roll over. This led to me taking away the Merlin suit that he was so cozy in and putting him into a regular sleep sack. (The Kyte brand gifted from my sister is my favorite!) I don’t think it was the sleep sack transition itself that led to the multiple wakes but him trying to practice rolling all night long. For a night or two I tried rolling him back to his back because I was nervous about SIDS. But I finally gave in and let him sleep on his tummy and he hasn’t slept on his back for a minute since! He’s a full-on tummy sleeper like me. But during those nights when I would roll him back OR when he would get to his tummy, he would wake up and fuss.
ALSO, in an effort to get longer naps, I started nursing him before his naps. I “knew better” than to nurse him totally asleep, and I made sure he opened his eyes before putting him in the crib, but I think this still created a sleep association that was timed perfectly with the rolling.
So when he would be totally awake and upset from the rolling, nursing was the only way I could calm him down enough to get back to sleep. I then reinforced this at naptime! So basically this was mostly my fault. I knew I had to un-do the nursing association and remind him that he already knew how to self soothe.
After he learned how to roll over I felt that his bassinet was probably too small and also contributing to mediocre sleep and we switched to the Lotus Travel Crib in our room. If he hadn’t slept well in the Lotus I was considering just moving him to his crib for nights, but it’s such a hike to the nursery from our room that I wanted to hold off if at all possible.
When your big brother comes in to wake you up in the morning
The Fix
We had quite a few choppy sleep weeks in a row and then finally feel like we’ve come out on the other side. So what fixed it?
-Birch learned to roll (I think it took about a week for him to do it effortlessly)
-He’s 100% in sleep sacks. I’m actually SO glad to be done with swaddles and suits.
-He’s out of his bassinet and in a crib (even if it’s a lightweight crib in our room)
-When he wanted to nurse at night I turned on all the lights, changed his diaper first to delay the nursing, and then did my best to keep him awake by talking to him (sorry sleeping Thomas!) When he was done eating we went back into sleep mode. This goes against your instinct not to wake them up too much, but it’s the best long-term solution.
-And I stopped nursing him to drowsy before naps and got back on the eat, play, sleep routine train. It was dumb of me to ever veer away from that!
We are now back to one wake or a full night straight through!
I’d say about 50% of the nights he nurses between 3 and 5. And the other nights he sleeps a whole night (9-10 hours). On the nights that he has an earlier bedtime (no late afternoon nap) he tends to want to eat between 3 and 5 but then he will sleep until 7ish. On the nights that he has a late afternoon nap he goes to bed later but he sleeps all night and will often wake up closer to 6:30. The second option is the one that I prefer, but that afternoon nap and bedtime are 100% based on how naps have gone that day.
Naps In The Crib
Speaking of naps, he has been napping AMAZINGLY well. (Knock on all the wood). Birch takes all of his naps in his crib in his nursery. I definitely do want him to get used to his crib for when it’s time to move him downstairs at night. I have no idea when that will be. I am thinking around the 9 month mark, but I once said the 6 month mark and now here I am not ready. It’s definitely more about me than him!
On typical days I put him down 2 hours after he wakes up and he will sleep for 2 to 2.5 hours!! Amazing since Mazen never slept more than 39 minutes until he was six months old. I aim for nap #2 about 2 to 2.5 hours after the end of the first one. Sometimes he will do another 2.5 hour one, and sometimes it’s more like 1.5. The shorter second nap means he’ll probably do a late afternoon third nap and if he does a longer second nap he will skip his third one.
So days are either:
2.5 + 2/2.5 –> early bedtime around 7
or
2 + 1.5 + 1 –> later bedtime around 8
I aim for 2 to 2.5 hours of wake time between naps. Occasionally he fights a nap or wakes up early, which I think is related to teething or some other comfort problem, and we have a 1.5 + 1.5 + 1 or something. We just roll with it and the clock starts over for a 2 hour wake time.
Hand Pump
Whenever I mention Birch doing a long night someone always asks me what I do about engorgement. I have this little silicone hand pump and I keep it in my night stand. It works by suction only, and it’s perfect if you just want to take the edge off. I sometimes wake up before Birch and will pull off 3 ounces before he nurses (and he still gets plenty!) I think once he starts to sleep all night, every night this will get better.
Follow Little Z Sleep!
Little Z Sleep on Instagram is an awesome account to follow! Becca is actually local to Virginia – in Richmond – and a friend of mine bought her newborn sleep program and recommended her to me. She has SO many great tips on her feed (like her question Tuesdays in her stories!) and she has programs you can buy if you want an in-depth lesson or personalized consults. She ALSO has a terrific podcast! Highly recommend! She’s the one who talked about making sure eating time was awake time to break the association at night, and that was such great advice. It worked for us!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
Seems like everything’s going smoothly! Baby Birch is super cute 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Cristine D Butler says
Just a thought, our pediatrician recommended that both the baby and the parents will sleep better in their own rooms. We had so much more success with full-sleep nights after we took his advice. Our boys are in college and college bound though, so it might be outdated. I love sleep, so anything was worth a try. Best wishes!
KathEats says
I think that is still true, but I have also heard to keep baby in your room for six months to reduce risk of SIDS so I have no idea which is “best.” If the nursery was across the hall, he would already be in his crib, but with his room on a different floor and with a big (finished attic) master bedroom, we’d rather have him closeby for now.
amyloispie says
I’m jealous of your sleep. My soon-to-be 8 month old, Luna, is on another level. She can wake up once or 6x a night. Letting her cry it out just ramps her up – she will stay up hours! I had my son sleeping through the night by 2.5 months but she just won’t do it. She drinks enough – eats 3 meals a day. It’s driving my husband and I insane lol. She’s fine with naps (takes 2 a day) and can put herself to sleep just fine by herself. We don’t get it!?
KathEats says
You should consult with Little Z Sleep. She would have a solution for you – I just have no idea what it might be : ) Hope you get rest soon!
Quinn says
Aw, Birch looks so sweet, sleeping. (And awake, ha ha.) I have to ask how Thomas coped with the lights-on, noise making strategy. None of my four kids were great at sleeping through the night, but my husband worked 12 hour days and had to be at work by 7:00 am, so it was always a priority with me not to wake him. I think he wouldn’t have been able to function at his job, otherwise. IDK, the baby years fly by and before you know it, everyone is sleeping well. 🙂
KathEats says
He’s totally fine! I think he prefers a quick wake to sleeping alone for months on end. In the thick of our regression he had a big meeting the next day and slept in the guest room that night. Otherwise, not a problem.
b says
Kath- I’m disappointed that you are so hard on yourself for the nursing- sleep association. That is such a Western point of view. Women around the world and for generations have calmed their crying children with their built in pacifier-boobs!
I had a nightmare colicky baby- so I consulted sleep books and immediately instituted an eat play sleep routine. Only, the sleep part happened after hours of screaming and patting and me being a prisoner in my own home. I finally “caved” and nursed her to sleep and started contact napping and safe co-sleeping. Immediately, my motherhood improved. She became portable. If she needed a nap in a restaurant or on an airplane, I whipped out my boob. Magic!
I nursed her for three years to sleep at night and don’t regret the association at all. She still figured out how to sleep through the night and to this day, we still snuggle in bed together right before bedtime. At some point, all kids will learn to sleep independently and for this full time working mom, nursing to sleep was the sanity and bond I needed.
KathEats says
I’m just sharing my story – I didn’t say anyone else had to do it like I did. Nursing to sleep seemed to make both of my boys wake up all night long. I also never felt comfortable (physically or emotionally) co-sleeping but that’s just based on how I sleep. I’m glad you don’t have any regrets – I don’t either : )
Jessica says
Flawless reply is flawless. 🙂 <3
Kelli @ Hungry Hobby says
So interesting how it all came together for little Birch. I have a sleep post coming soon too (I wanted to wait after our vacation) and it will look VASTLY different then this ha ha Each babe is different and ultimately we had to do more formal sleep training and Although it was hard I’m glad we did it. We still do a dream feed which I think helps with that early morning waking. I also pump after the dream feed partially because I struggle with supply and partially to help with engorgement in the morning. Anyways so glad your getting a god chunk of sleep you deserve it mama!
KathEats says
I had to pull out all the stops for little Mazen with the formal sleep training and it worked so well, so I think some babes are just more strong willed than others (I should have seen the foreshadowing! LOL!) I hope you are sleeping now!
Maria says
Infant sleep is such a minefield, not to mention it’s so individualized between both babies and parents. I have a question and a comment —
1) How closely are you able to stick to Birch’s sleep schedule? I have an infant and a preschooler, and I feel like I’m always having to wake up my infant for school pickup, after school activities, or weekend family plans.
2) I also just wanted to comment that I hope any other moms reading this out there don’t feel bad about nursing their babies to sleep!! For many moms and babies, this is the natural thing to do and/or the only solution 🙂 I’m happy you found what works for you and Birch, though! <3
KathEats says
When we have an activity – usually on the weekends – he naps on the go in the stroller or carrier (like he did at soccer on Saturday when I was there with both boys). It’s usually a short nap and he is often a little bit grumpy about it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I just re-start the 2 hour wake time from when he wakes up.
Mary says
Hi Kath! I remember you mentioned following Taking Cara Babies philosophy but it sounds like you had more success with Little Z. Is there something that worked better from one or the other? We have a new baby coming soon and I want to be prepared!! XO
KathEats says
I think they are both well-known sleep consultants and I also think they have very similar advice. I started listening to Little Z’s podcast and just kept following her. I never actually bought the Taking Cara program – just had friends recommend it.
Kate says
I LOVE following Becca. I still need to bite the bullet as my 16 month old has a nursing to sleep association. How did I let this happen?! So glad you’ve gotten some sleep…it makes a world of difference.
Rebecca says
You’re doing great, thanks for sharing! Just a comment about moving baby to their own room… we JUST moved our 11 month old into her nursery. She’s been a good sleeper overall and it was SO nice to wake up and be able to hear her little baby sleep noises at night, so we kept pushing her move back further and further. I miss her even though she barely noticed the transition. Do whatever works best for you, baby’s are wonderful, adaptable creatures. <3
KathEats says
That’s great to hear!
Becca says
YAY sleep!!!! So glad for you all!! Thank you for sharing about your journey- you’re doing such an amazing job!!
KathEats says
Thanks for stopping by Becca!
Caitlin says
I have been following along with Birch’s sleep situation, as I currently have a 10-week-old little girl. Her nights are very similar to how your son’s were at 2 months – she does 4-7 hours plus 3-4 hours, which is awesome! But her naps are TERRIBLE unless I am wearing her. Her longest naps have been 45 minutes, and that’s only when we do them early in the day… in the late afternoons, they are more like 12 minutes. When did this get better for Birch? It looks like he is doing awesome with crib naps right now!
KathEats says
I already forgot! I think he started to really do good naps around 5 months, but I’m not 100% sure. He’s always been good about a first morning nap. Are you using awake windows? I think Little Z Becca would say to put your daughter down right that the 1:30-1:45 awake time.
Caitlin says
We definitely pay attention to her awake times and sleepy cues. She occasionally makes it 1.5 hours but seems to start fussing around 1 hour a lot of the time! It’s always reassuring and interesting to me to hear about others’ experiences. Thanks for sharing yours!
KathEats says
I wonder if she’s not tired enough? Listen to Little Z sleep podcast and her Tuesday stories. She will have a solution!