It’s time for the 2018 Word of the Year! I’m excited about this one because it’s a totally different mindset change from the previous two.
In 2016 my word was PRESENT because my future was so unknown.
In 2017 my word was INTENTIONAL because I wanted to focus on action rather than reaction.
In 2018 the word is…
Last fall I reconnected with a friend of mine from Charlotte, Diana, who writes the blog The Chic Life. She wrote this post about her divorce that was similar to my Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post. I found her post to be so inspiring, especially when she talked about vulnerability:
“But as Brené Brown has taught us, vulnerability leads to connection. So here’s me trying to allow myself to be vulnerable. If nothing else, my hope is that someone reading this post who is going through a similar situation will see that they’re not alone.”
I LOVED reading her thoughts because c o n n e c t i o n is what inspired me to start a blog a decade ago. I wanted to share my life with you and foster a community of like-minded people.
Thus, one of my main goals for KERF this year is to be more vulnerable in an effort to reconnect with you all. When I look back on my most popular posts of 2017, the common theme was that they were personal and open. “The greater the risk, the greater the reward.” Another one of my favorite quotes is “Creativity takes courage” by Henri Matisse. If I want to continue to grow, love, and connect through my blog, I need to be brave.
When blog trolling was at its peak, I didn’t want to share anything about my life. I considered quitting. (I’m saying it peaked because the number of harassing comments I get these days has drastically decreased.) During that time, it was easier and safer to hide behind topical posts and recipes than it was to put my life as a mother and business owner out there. I felt like I couldn’t win with anything I posted, and thus I just went inward. I know a lot of other bloggers felt the same.
I think the bloggers of the internet hit a big turning point a few years ago when we collectively realized that the problem with trolls was within them and not us. Befriending one of them was even more eye opening. As time passed, we crawled back out from under our rocks and saw that vulnerability didn’t have to mean the end.
Back in the blog day, I used to travel to a city and invite as many strangers as would show up to have coffee, a drink, or dinner with me. I had a blast getting to know you guys in person! In this day and age, I wouldn’t dare! How sad is that? A few friends and I were discussing this over dinner the other day and one of them asked me: “What’s the worst that would happen if a mean person did show up at a blog dinner?” Assuming this person wasn’t literally out to harm me, my answer was that they might post an unflattering picture? Maybe gossip to their mean friends that I was X, Y, or Z in real life? She reminded me that normal people would be nice and pleasant and that more good could come from it than bad.
A Boston meet-up dinner in 2008
But the truth is, connecting with you guys and getting to write and photograph and create and share for a living is an incredible dream job. It would take much more than an army of trolls for me to totally throw in the towel. If I want to grow as a person, I have to grow as a blogger, and that means being real and relatable and fostering as much connection as I can. And as Brené Brown and Diana reminded me, that comes from a place of vulnerability.
So, I am not concluding this with a grand meet-up announcement, BUT all this is to say that I do want to connect with you all more. I want it to come from a place of real vulnerability. Challenge me to it!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
So different from your previous words of the year for sure! But I think “vulnerable” is a good choice. It offers a chance to truly connect with yourself and others. 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Amy Ladd (Allison, as you know me ?) says
I read your blogs daily and love doing so. Your words of encouragement are always nice to hear. You have always been a positive, happy person while I was lucky enough to be able to spend my school years being friends with you. What you have done with your life is incredible. Btw…you and Thomas are adorable. Mazen is the cutest. I agree with your friend and that we can’t live in fear. Be ourselves, be vulnerable and live happy. Love seeing your yummy food posts and travel posts too.
Em says
I can definitely understand turning inward because oh my god people will seize on anything to criticize. I enjoy reading your blog and getting a peek into your life and the posts I love the most are the ones from the heart.
“Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.” (I saw that online the other day. So true.)
Be unapologetically YOU. Good for you Kath!! Many blessings to you and yours.
KathEats says
Love that quote!
Andrea says
I thought that first picture was you in a bathing suit in the SNOW and my reaction was, ‘wow that is vulnerable!’ ha!! I like the theme!!
KathEats says
Hahaha!! It’s from our St. Lucia trip : )
jen says
Absolutely love your word choice for the year.
Wishing you a year of vulnerability, growth and love! xx
Linda @ the Fitty says
Do you have a word of the Year, Jen? For me, it’s patience. I want to grow a better relationship with time this year 🙂
Denise Vermillion says
I didn’t realize the amount of trolls out there until I read your Befriending post, and then seeing a site where all they do is gleefully report bad things that happen to “mommy bloggers”. What sad, sad people they must be. Sure, I roll my eyes at some bloggers, and I don’t follow them. But the ones I keep coming back to, like you, are sweet, honest, funny ladies just trying to make it through life with some grace – like all of us. Keep doing what you’re doing, and keep putting yourself out there. Haters gonna hate, but we’ve got your back. And if you’re ever in San Diego, I’d love to meet you!
KathEats says
Aw thank you Denise!
elle says
That is one of the things I am working on this year, too – being more vulnerable, but the key for me is being more vulnerable with the people who have earned it, as Brene says. One of the ways people earn it, she says, is by keeping our secrets. For me, this was a huge realization that someone I had been vulnerable with hadn’t kept my secrets, and therefore being *more* vulnerable with them wasn’t appropriate and wasn’t going to fix the friendship.
You are very brave to take this on, just remember that not everyone deserves your vulnerability.
KathEats says
Great point!
Sara says
Thanks for your very insightful post and for sharing your words of wisdom with your readers! I’ve been reading for a long time now (2008??) and have gone through similar life changes at similar times (marriage, kids, houses, etc.). It’s been fun experiencing those life stages “together” 🙂 I want to thank you for being a bit more honest in your posts recently because while no one wants to read about the day-to-day boring stuff, I noticed I would sometimes start to feel badly if I was in a bit of a funk and all I was seeing was my friends doing amazing things via Facebook and bloggers also living their perfect lives. I don’t think I’m alone in this. The reality is that I have a *very* nice life that a lot of people would probably love to have…no one’s life is the “highlight reel” that you see on social media. Looking forward to continuing to read your blog in 2018!
Annie says
If you are confident in who you are and what you do, you truly shouldn’t care that much about what “trolls” say. The reality is, trolls wouldn’t show up to a dinner. They hide behind their words online, but wouldn’t dare say any of that to your face. Most of them are cowards. But, some of them do have valuable things to say – and I wouldn’t completely write all of them off as “trolls”. Sometimes it’s hard to take criticism, but it’s the only way we grow. At 37 years old and as a mother of four kids four and under, I have struggled. I have been through sh*t and would honestly give my left arm to have the platform you have to be real and honest. There are so many people struggling and so many people with real problems…use your platform to lift women up and help them and stop being so fearful of “trolls”. Happy 2018!
Anne @ fANNEtastic food says
I love this! It really is crazy to think about how we all used to announce meet ups when we were traveling… I used to do that too and now would be really hesitant to, which is sad. I miss the old days of blogging sometimes when it all felt like one big party and a much cozier community! But you’re right that we can get that vibe back with some courage and vulnerability. xo
Stacey says
Great idea Kath! As a long-time reader but not frequent commenter… what I’ve noticed is that your older posts had much more interaction and discussion in the comment section. I notice lately that comments are just asking a question or giving compliments, but there isn’t a lot of connection between you and your readers, or among your readers. I wonder if maybe you encouraged or let through a few non-complimentary comments, you might find that connection again. It’s definitely vulnerable for you, but also allows for some deeper connections with your readers.
Happy New Year!
KathEats says
I think a lot of it is how mobile we all have become. I’m typing this on my phone after yoga for example so discussion is hard to type! I’m not in front of my computer as much as I used to be. And I always let through dissenting comments that are politely worded! But if they’re going to trash talk – even passive aggressively – it’s not worth my time.
Leigh says
What a great post! It does take courage to be a blogger, and I’ve seen more than one blog that I follow shut down or pull back, and it’s almost always due to the trolls or because something has caused the blogger to feel fearful. Or on a lesser scale, I think some bloggers pull back or change content because of the well-intentioned folks who want to be helpful by offering corrections on life decisions or choices a blogger chooses to make.
I start every weekday morning by reading your blog, and I’m delighted to be able to continue to do so. (And if you’re ever in Denver, feel free to reach out — I’m a safe friend.) 🙂
KathEats says
Denver is on my bucket list 🙂
Bri says
Yay Kath! Looking forward to following along as I have been for years – love your real, honest, content. Keep doing you!
Ryane says
Dammmmmn, Kath!!
We met almost 10 years ago?!?! I really want to visit Charlottesville and hopefully stage a reunion. Most likely after I have this baby in July (!!!!) and can make sure to include a stop at Pippin Hill, that place looks freaking amazing.
Love your word and inspiration for 2018 – very fitting. I feel, as a whole, everyone was a lot more guarded and/or combative in 2017. I hope by practicing more vulnerability, we can open up the conversation more and leave behind the one-sided debate!
KathEats says
Haha just watched your baby video on FB this week – so cute!! We were babies ourselves a decade ago!
Kori says
I think you were the very first blogger I ever discovered, and I loved following your journey ever since! I’m so thankful I did discover your site, and I’m both proud of you and in awe of all you continue to accomplish. I’m very grateful that you welcomed Kaci and I to Cville with a great deal of hospitality on both of our trips. Those sister girl trips were very needed and cherished! I certainly understand that sadly, trolls exist and have increased and decreased in waves. But I’m glad you never decided to stop sharing. I look forward to your post daily, and I am very excited to see where you take KERF in 2018. XO
Chelsea says
The quote “vulnerability leads to connection” is so perfect—I post personal things in the hopes that I can connect with others or help in some way, and I am always shocked by the positive responses I get and private messages from people who have gone through something similar. My first relationship mirrored yours (met in college, married youngish, together for quite awhile), so I, too, fell in the boat where, when I met another man soon after my divorce, I wasn’t sure how people were going to react. Your post last year inspired me to “come out,” and I am so glad I did. So thank you for your vulnerability. I respect it and you!
Brigid says
Whenever you write about these trolls or I see mean and judgmental comments on blog pages I am perplexed. I don’t get why it matters so much to others that someone does something or eats something different than what they would. How does it truly impact their lives? It’s not like you or the other bloggers I read are speaking about politics or religion. It’s all pretty non-controversial stuff. It’s definitely their problem.
Katrina says
I’ve been reading for years and I have to say, this is probably a top 5 post. I’ve read the other sites and it was honestly like watching a train wreck. And I know I didn’t stand up to the online harassment on behalf of you and others I enjoy reading and that’s on me. I am thrilled to see you rise above that downward spiral. I have enjoyed reading your posts more this past year than ever before. You seem not just happy, but content. Have a great weekend!
Katie says
I LOVE your word! I’m also a huge fan of Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability is so powerful. My word for the year is EXPAND (in so many aspects of my life).
Ali says
I have plans to visit a friend attending Darden over the next few months… would LOVE to meet you if not for coffee then ice cream (what is the name of that place with the mini cones you always get?! It’s always in my head!) one afternoon if your schedule permitted! I’ve been following you for years now and absolutely LOVE the place you are coming from with this post. To 2018! XO
KathEats says
Haha Splendoras Gelato!! If our schedules work I’d love to
Erica says
I had no idea blog trolling existed until your post last year! I can’t imagine putting yourself out there and people have the urge to be so negative. I’m sorry you went through and continue to go through it. It’s so sad, but I assume, normal in a way when you think of the mean kids at school having no idea what you may be going through in life that is SO MUCH more important and devastating. That being said, I found Tone It Up a few years ago. There are many girls who have connected through instagram and facebook. I meet up with our local girls regularly and there are a few trolls, but so many girls who really just want the best for each other and try to use our friendships for inspiration. I hope you find your connection with the ‘right’ readers this year! I’d come hang out!
Jessica says
Great word choice! I have to admit I was really confused at first, though. Immediately before your word, there was an ad for one of those Christmas tree pickle ornaments. I thought to myself, “Her word of the year is pickle??? WHY?!” Lol
KathEats says
Haha. Well that would be an interesting choice!
T says
Yes! You are real. I emailed you several months ago, thinking there would be no way you would respond. You did! Your response on divorce really helped me. Vulnerability shows how we are real. Its not a weakness, as sometimes its portrayed. My word is going to be Worth. I AM WORTHY. Thank you Kath.
KathEats says
Aw thank you. Hope all is well!
Em says
Kath,
I’ve followed you almost from the start. I think I started reading in Winter/Spring 2008 maybe?? I used to have a blog called homecookedem, had 3 babies and stopped blogging, now back to it and have started a very small blog called Eating Since 83 (I am much more Instagram active than blogging these days though). I used to comment a lot more and even emailed you some questions as I was teetering on an eating disorder and you answered me so beautifully and from a place of health. I even won a few of your giveaways back in the day (crockpot and an autographed book). You have always been a constant and positive role model for me through many life changes. I guess I say all of this to reconnect with you and tell you thank you for all of the inspiration you’ve provided me so many years. Let me know if you are ever in Georgia!
KathEats says
Aw thank you so much!!
Diana says
Hi Kath! Aww…thank you so much for the shout out! Your openness has always been such an inspiration to me as a leader in the blog community and friend. When we met, your stories of meeting your blog readers were so cool. I was like – I want to do that! I still remember when you convinced me (over awhile – a couple months maybe?) to finally show my face on my blog. I used to post those photos from the neck down only hahaha! You helped me create connections with my readers and fellow bloggers, and for that I’ll forever be thankful. Your encouragement helped take my blog to a new level. With it, I’ve met so many interesting people and had such meaningful conversations with them. We’re very fortunate to have this platform to share our stories – failures and successes, sad and happy times. I’m with you on being more vulnerable and hope to bring this to my blog too. Can’t wait to see what’s ahead for you this year. Looking forward to your future posts!
KathEats says
<3
Amy says
I love this! Brene Brown’s work is amazing and has been so helpful to me. Thanks for continuing to put yourself out there and share your life with all of us.
Also, I live in Mebane, and if you ever do a meet up in Hillsborough I.am.so.there. especially if it’s at Matthew’s…just sayin’.
KathEats says
Awesome! So close to home!
Cara Zimmer says
What a great post Kath! I also had no idea that these troll blogs existed, so neat that you two could reconnect. The thing that I love most about your posts are that you are always a “moderation is key” kind of gal. You are never judgmental, ever! Thank you for that! Although I don’t post much, I happily read every day!!
KathEats says
Thank you Cara!
Laura says
Love this! Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to your future posts!
Tracy says
I love your word!! This is great. I’ve loved reading from way way back when and was first hooked in because you seemed like a real person I’d like to have as a friend. I did notice you pull back for a few years and have loved to see the old Kath re-emerge the last year or so! Good luck in all your endeavors this year! Both personal and business-related. I’ll enjoy reading along as always! <3
Elyse @ JustMurrayed says
What a great word to focus on for 2018! Here’s to an amazing 2018! My word is focus, and I’m really excited to see how it shapes my year!
KathEats says
I love focus too! That’s a great one to apply to so many areas.
Amanda says
What a sweet post! Would love to meet up again if you are up for it. My office is on Pantops, so I’m in the Cville’ area a lot!
KathEats says
Sure let’s do lunch soon?
Megan B says
I love your word of the year. ! I am a huge Brene Brown fan, so I can relate to the recent realization that openness and putting yourself out there is such an important risk to try to keep taking. I look forward to reading your blog this year – I’ve been reading since circa 2009 and so much has changed for me too as I’ve entered my 30s and motherhood. Growth never stops, there is no “arrival” point in adulthood like I previously thought. Go figure!
Gloria says
I love your choice! It’s such a huge weight lifted off your shoulders when you realize it’s okay to show up for life as the person you are today. I LOVE Brene Brown’s books! If you haven’t read any, you definitely should this year. Start with The Gifts of Imperfection 🙂
Jill says
I remember you had a meet up in SF around 2010/11 that I so wanted to go to. I live just a hop, skip, jump away but fell ill with the worst cold ever and had a newborn. I was so sad I missed my opportunity. If you are ever in The Bay Area again I hope you will have another meet up.Or just come over and help me organize my house-lol- Peace!
Mom says
I have followed you from the start! I mean the VERY start of your life as well as the start of your blog. You’ve always had energy and a great spunk and spirit. Onward!
KathEats says
Thanks Mom!
Shelly says
This is so beautiful!
Yep says
You go Kath! Pls be real and vulnerable.
That’s something I can relate to, wish 4 the world and our children.
vicki says
Great post Kath! I started reading via Baby Kerf as we have boys roughly the same age. I’ve posted many times in agreement but a couple of times I’ve questioned something you said and my comments have always made it through 🙂 You Cant be that strict!
Love your word for the year. I’ve read Brenee Brown and think she’s awesome. My word for the year is authentic.
Happy 2018 to you and all of your family xxx
KathEats says
🙂 It’s all about how you ask right? I tell Mazen the same thing : )
Melanie says
Ok then, lady! I’m hitting you up when we come to Cville later this year! I’ll bring only the best GA beer and a cute 5 year old. :p
KathEats says
Haha awesome!!
Hillary says
I love your word for 2018. Now in hindsight, vulnerability would have been my word for 2017. “Vulnerability is the bridge to connection”… and boy, does it feel darn good!